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  #1  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 06:49 AM
Anonymous37884
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ok so i am not in hospital right now but i saw my psychologist again and he wants me to go to an inpatient psych hospital that is like 3 hours away from my home and in another state. it is private and my insurance covers it but he said he really wants me to go there. he said he thinks it will be good because i wont be able to "fly under the radar" as much and i wont be able to hide things as much. he said he is going to call my psychiatrist and my mum already called the hospital and they said they would call back tomorrow. i am scared i mean i said i would go partly cause i didnt want to go back to the other hospital but also cause i have gone past the point of caring where i am but i am scared i dont know what it will be like and i am scared of the doctors there finding out all of the stuff going on with me and i dont know what to think everything happened so fast. i am so tired too i dont even know what to think.
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  #2  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 07:17 AM
A18793715 A18793715 is offline
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
ok so i am not in hospital right now but i saw my psychologist again and he wants me to go to an inpatient psych hospital that is like 3 hours away from my home and in another state. it is private and my insurance covers it but he said he really wants me to go there. he said he thinks it will be good because i wont be able to "fly under the radar" as much and i wont be able to hide things as much. he said he is going to call my psychiatrist and my mum already called the hospital and they said they would call back tomorrow. i am scared i mean i said i would go partly cause i didnt want to go back to the other hospital but also cause i have gone past the point of caring where i am but i am scared i dont know what it will be like and i am scared of the doctors there finding out all of the stuff going on with me and i dont know what to think everything happened so fast. i am so tired too i dont even know what to think.


it'll be okay. Just let your doctors do the work and go. In my head, I "float" until I'm actually inside the hospital or I end up fighting going.

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  #3  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 07:23 AM
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taylor43 taylor43 is offline
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Hugs, i hope you get the much needed help you need. Go with a open mind and i know it's scary, however please do not back down on this oppitunity. Hope this hospital is better and more helpful. Hugs
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  #4  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 07:25 AM
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21stCenturySM 21stCenturySM is offline
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I hope it helps. You'll be ok.

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  #5  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 07:31 AM
Anonymous37884
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it'll be okay. Just let your doctors do the work and go. In my head, I "float" until I'm actually inside the hospital or I end up fighting going.

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i am trying i just dont know what to do anymore i am really scared and idk i everything is moving so fast and i mean in one way i dont mind fast cause i dont know how much longer i can hang on anyway but also i just i feel like this is dangerous like they will hurt me there i want to scream i dont know i have messed everything up.
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  #6  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 07:51 AM
A18793715 A18793715 is offline
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
i am trying i just dont know what to do anymore i am really scared and idk i everything is moving so fast and i mean in one way i dont mind fast cause i dont know how much longer i can hang on anyway but also i just i feel like this is dangerous like they will hurt me there i want to scream i dont know i have messed everything up.


you haven't messed go anything. It's not your fault. I tell myself it's just my brain being mean to me. I know it's scary. But let time fly by and the scariness will go away faster than it seems. You can do it. You'll be okay.

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  #7  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 08:01 AM
Anonymous37884
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i am trying to just relax a bit but it is hard and now the demons are scaring me again i am scared they will be even more mad if i go there i dont know i dont know what to expect with this place my psychologist really seemed to want me to go he said he will talk to the hospital as well i dont know he said he has another client there at the moment and it didnt take them long to get a spot there like only a week and that is also scaring me cause it means i could be going soon and i dont know i am just really scared right now.
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  #8  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 09:49 AM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is online now
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It sounds like it's a better place than the one you were in before (I'm assuming that was a public instead of private one?) So maybe they can actually help you feel better. Please take a chance and go, even if you're scared. Hugs...
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  #9  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 09:52 AM
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thesnowqueen thesnowqueen is offline
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I found hospital a really safe place to be when I was unwell. Other people there had similar difficulties, high anxiety, depression, etc etc. It feels a lot safer to be with people who have some understanding of what is happening to you. I hope you feel better soon!
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  #10  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 10:33 AM
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Bipolar Warrior Bipolar Warrior is offline
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I'm so glad you saw your psychologist and that you have said yes to going to this hospital. I understand that you are scared, but you need to be somewhere safe and I don't think this place is going to be any scarier than your current situation.

I hope they won't bully you into any treatment you don't want (I know you don't want to be medicated), but I do think you need to be completely honest with them. They can't help you unless they know everything that's been happening to you.

You're in my thoughts, eden.
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  #11  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 12:11 PM
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Crook32 Crook32 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
i am scared of the doctors there finding out all of the stuff going on with me.

If the doctors don't know everything that is going on with you how are they supposed to help you?


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  #12  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 02:21 PM
Anonymous37884
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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
It sounds like it's a better place than the one you were in before (I'm assuming that was a public instead of private one?) So maybe they can actually help you feel better. Please take a chance and go, even if you're scared. Hugs...
Yes the one I was in before was public.

I am trying to not freak out I really am I don't even remember how it all happened one minute it was like just an idea and then next it was like people were doing things to make it happen and I just I don't even know what to think I looked at the place online and stuff but I still feel like I don't know anything about it and it just I don't know I am really scared. And the demons are mad I didn't mean to upset them I really didn't I don't even know I mean ugh i just want to scream I feel like I am going to explode. I am tired.
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  #13  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 03:04 PM
A18793715 A18793715 is offline
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
Yes the one I was in before was public.


I am trying to not freak out I really am I don't even remember how it all happened one minute it was like just an idea and then next it was like people were doing things to make it happen and I just I don't even know what to think I looked at the place online and stuff but I still feel like I don't know anything about it and it just I don't know I am really scared. And the demons are mad I didn't mean to upset them I really didn't I don't even know I mean ugh i just want to scream I feel like I am going to explode. I am tired.


Go to the hospital. You'll be able to get some rest and feel better. I promise you'll be okay. No ones going to hurt you. Don't listen to the demons.

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  #14  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 06:51 PM
Anonymous37884
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The hospital got back to my mum. They said sometime next week which is scaring me that is very soon I don't know how to feel my mind is racing and I want to run away and hide I don't know what to do everything is moving too fast I am really scared.
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  #15  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 07:25 PM
A18793715 A18793715 is offline
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
The hospital got back to my mum. They said sometime next week which is scaring me that is very soon I don't know how to feel my mind is racing and I want to run away and hide I don't know what to do everything is moving too fast I am really scared.

Don't be scared. It'll be okay. <3 I promise. I know you're scared. But just know you'll be okay. That you're going to be safe. We'll all be here waiting for you! You'll be okay. Don't be scared. I know it's harder said than done. But I believe in you. Just hold on. You can make it through this.

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  #16  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 09:25 PM
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velcro003 velcro003 is offline
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Eden, my hope is that you can go to this hospital, that they treat you better and that you can get some rest from the demons in your head. They are slowly killing you...i hope that you can get some respite from that.
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  #17  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 11:51 PM
Anonymous37884
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i am trying really hard to stay calm but i am just really scared and i dont know i mean it is like i dont even know how this happened i am scared the demons are going to do something i said i would do something for them and now i just i mean i feel like i have to i dont know i have ruined everything again i cant ugh i dont feel good.

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  #18  
Old Jun 21, 2016, 11:55 PM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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If you can't think straight, try not to do anything at all. Just go about whatever your normal routine is as much as possible. Tell yourself you won't do anything out of the ordinary until you can think more clearly.
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  #19  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 12:04 AM
Anonymous37884
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If you can't think straight, try not to do anything at all. Just go about whatever your normal routine is as much as possible. Tell yourself you won't do anything out of the ordinary until you can think more clearly.
i am trying to just keep playing with my pets and stuff but i feel like i am starting to space out again i feel like i cant hold on to anything like i am slipping i want to cry i cant nothing feels real anymore i dont know what to do.
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  #20  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 02:33 AM
passionfruit3 passionfruit3 is offline
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How long will you be there this time sounds like a better hospital a lot of hospitals out were I live are terrible but I understand your fear of them just remember to breath when you feel that anxiety coming over you and remember fear can only go up so far before it must come down.so just ride out your fear and it'll pass and good luck eden

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  #21  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 03:33 AM
Anonymous37884
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How long will you be there this time sounds like a better hospital a lot of hospitals out were I live are terrible but I understand your fear of them just remember to breath when you feel that anxiety coming over you and remember fear can only go up so far before it must come down.so just ride out your fear and it'll pass and good luck eden

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It is a better hospital but i could be there for a long time i am trying to stay calm i really am but it isnt working i want to scream everything hurts and i am scared i will freak out when i get there it. My mum said it could be as soon as 4 days from now i am really nervous.
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  #22  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 03:36 AM
bookgirl667 bookgirl667 is offline
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You will be fine...I've had three hospitalizations (of varying quality) - it sounds like your pdoc really looked to find a quality one. I can't thank the doctors and especially the nurses enough at the good hospital I went to, the one my mom (who was a nurse there on a different unit) made sure I got into. I felt safe there. They were very good about helping me with hopelessness, racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, etc.

Even if for some reason you don't like it, you likely won't be there that long...they will try to stabilize you and keep you safe and then make plans for your aftercare once that's set up.
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  #23  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 10:45 AM
Anonymous37884
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You will be fine...I've had three hospitalizations (of varying quality) - it sounds like your pdoc really looked to find a quality one. I can't thank the doctors and especially the nurses enough at the good hospital I went to, the one my mom (who was a nurse there on a different unit) made sure I got into. I felt safe there. They were very good about helping me with hopelessness, racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts, etc.

Even if for some reason you don't like it, you likely won't be there that long...they will try to stabilize you and keep you safe and then make plans for your aftercare once that's set up.
i could be there for a long time as they have therapy programs and this will be my 7th hospitalization my 3rd since april. i am so tired they said it could be as soon as 4 days from now i really dont know what to do i am so tired and so scared.
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  #24  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 12:06 PM
A18793715 A18793715 is offline
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Originally Posted by eden1515 View Post
i could be there for a long time as they have therapy programs and this will be my 7th hospitalization my 3rd since april. i am so tired they said it could be as soon as 4 days from now i really dont know what to do i am so tired and so scared.


You can do this. Don't worry about the number of times. Just go and let them help you feel better. It'll be okay.

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  #25  
Old Jun 22, 2016, 01:55 PM
Anonymous37884
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I am really scared now I don't know if going is the right thing to do or not. The demons are really mad and they really don't want me to go the demons and the others don't want me to go I really don't know what to do they are going to hurt me there i really don't know what to do I have screwed everything up again.
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