Bipolar Check-in #82

Caleb and I are going to the fed ex main building today. They said my package will be there.

Still sick. Except now I'm freezing 🥶 and my fingertips are numb and tingly. I showed my flea bites to Daughter last night and she was like, "OH MY GOD!!! Daddy and I don't have any. Why do you have so many?!" I don't know why they're eating me alive! They're leaving everyone else alone, including the cats! I don't even know where they're all coming from still because we've been vacuuming and cleaning and insecticiding like crazy! They're living off me! So I'm probably going to the doctor on Monday because I feel awful. I'm itchy and ill. I've been taking Claritin, thinking maybe I'm having some sort of flea allergic reaction, but the stupid shyt is making my anxiety skyrocket!!!!

I made the mistake last night of looking at old pictures of myself on Facebook. Before seroquel I as so thin! It kind of made me sad. Made me feel like a fat blob. I need to get off this shyt! I don't know what to do though. I'm too scared to go off it and try something new since the only side effect I'm having from it is increased hunger and weight gain (and I'm thirsty like ALL THE TIME). I guess I'll just have a discussion with new scary psychiatrist about it.

@June08

I'm so sad you can't go to your concert! 😢 I'll go with you. I like all sorts of music. 😊 Just kidding. Seriously though, if we knew each other IRL I would go with you.

raspberry, I am so sorry about your flea situation. That sounds awful! Can you call a pest control service to help? I don't know what I'd do if I had to deal with that flea situation, especially with so many biting you. I hope you get rid of them soon!

Good morning, well morning anyway. My sleep is terrible. I’m so tired I’m not sure I’m going to do anything. I have to make the soda pop jello for tomorrow’s pot luck, but other than that I’m so low energy.

Good news about my daughter’s insurance. She got her proofs in and it will be retroactive to when they kicked her off. She may go into ER this weekend cause she might have pneumonia. She’s still sick. Still has the headache.

Nammu, im so glad to hear that! What a nightmare!

I think thats a preview of what the purging of the voter rolls are gonna be like.

I’ll probably be kicked off, reason, I’m deaf. Disabled people under rump will be ostracized again.

I'm doing good today. My physical symptoms are ok and so is my depression. I've been watching Paramount+ on my phone today, and keeping the news on mute on the TV. So I've been able to concentrate on other stuff besides current events which is helping out my depression a lot. I slept pretty good last night. Overall if I just keep on track with things I'll be fine.

Bad panic attack going on, OMG. Hate this!

Edited:
Took prn hydroxyzine, it helped a little. My anxiety is still high. H is stressed about work, and it's getting to me.

Catching up now. Went to the children's museum yesterday. Tomorrow the zoo. Friday the aquarium. Hopefully his books will be here soon.

I believe I figured out what happened the other day. I ate something that went down the wrong way and I started freaking out that it went to my brain because it seemed to go up instead of down. And it hurt so badly. Then a couple days later was when I woke up with my nose dripping and the mucusy cough and yellow phelgm vomit. So I really might have kinda aspirated on it. I was negative for covid

dissociating right now so am gonna watch a movie and see if it helps

Can totally relate. Panic attacks are the worst! I’m glad that you are feeling some better. Reading a book I like or writing fiction or poetry usually helps me—so does prn Clonazapam.

As for the bipolar check-in, today has been pretty good in that I finished rereading “Dry” by Augusten Burroughs, whose books I find alternately tragic and hilarious. Most significantly, I finished reading the novel that I wrote as an undergrad and felt really moved by it. I regret never having sent it out for publication; maybe I’ll do so now.

I’m a little pissed at my psychiatrist’s office staff b/c they said they were calling me in more Lithium yesterday afternoon, and I don’t think they did. So, I’m going to have to take less tomorrow so that I have some on Monday—sucks. My mood just got stable; I don’t want it dysregulated again.

The chirping noise is still bothering my dog. I was overjoyed when it seemed to have stopped this afternoon. I posted about it but i deleted it because it started up again. It's lucky that we're having good weather for walking my dog far away from the building.

My bipolar holds steady at mildly depressed. I'm tempted to ask for anti-depressants just to get a break from it. But that's bad financially as i spend spend spend in hypomania. I'll just tough it out. The evenings and night are not bad. Just the daytime.

Hugs to all who want them!

I picked up my package from the fed ex building very easily. Now I have my dna kit for Wednesday!

went to the NAMI walk this am and it was fun!!!! then i spent the day with my niece and visited my granny too. i spent too much money lol

abot two weeks til i see new pdoc

I took a benzonzate and now I can't feel my throat or mouth. But I think thats supposed to happen.

Although I did take some melatonin a couple hours ago and some tums.

I need Tylenol right now but I can't because I took Tylenol PM less then 24 hours ago. I also still have the heartburn





Maybe I'm allergic to the med. I still have the weird shoulder issue the shot was supposed to take care of. If sounded like their was crinkly paper in it again today and it cracked a few times.

My blood pressure was good all day and that cyst thing is gone.

I'm definitely going to urgent care on Monday. This is NOT normal. I don't know what's wrong with me exactly or what they can even do for me, but hopefully SOMETHING. I've barely been able to get out of bed today. I managed to vacuum and do the dishes, but that is all.

@Blueberrybook

Fleas have a long life cycle, so sometimes it can take WEEKS to get rid of them completely. We're doing everything we can.

I've been pretty depressed today and realize I've been struggling with this on and off for a few weeks. Some of it comes from struggling to find things to get involved in/meet new people at. I just don't have much to do outside of work and going to Mass on Sundays so this wears on my mental health, especially in the evenings and over the weekend. Some of this depression is also med related (the birth control I'm using for my bipolar symptoms).

Today was IV fluid infusion day so that was good. The nurses at the outpatient clinic were very friendly. While there, I finished the book I was reading (The Midnight Library by Matt Haig) and listened to some of the Harry Potter audiobook I have on my phone. I also got some grading, chores, and errands done. Sadly, I still have more school work to do tomorrow. This isn't the most restful weekend.

TW if you choose to look up "The Midnight Library." SI is a big part of the book.

This COVID thing is nothing to mess around with. I'm probably going to have to see my doctor this week because I'm still very sick and I have asthma which is very angry too. My throat is so sore ti hurts to swallow. I just can't believe how bad I feel. It's not doing much for my moods either.


I'm going to have to cancel pointless therapist this week. Having no voice and the energy it would take to drive to the city and back mean it just won't work and virtual won't work bc of the lack of voice. I don't know if I'll go see her again the next week or not. I probably should but I just think "what am I going to talk to her about?" and I want to just avoid it. My real therapist is back in 2..5 weeks now. I'm holding it together so far without much therapeutic help so I'm pretty sure I can do it an extra week. I am not necessarily doing great but nobody could tell that. I'm not sure my real therapist will even pick up on it.

Last night I somehow missed my main pills. I took my extra ones at 11 and slept through the night just fine. I hope that happens again (although I did take my meds!). I don't know how I missed last night ; I must have deviated from my routine.

We've been looking at houses near my sister for quite a while. My mom saw one today that she really likes. She's not sure she'll make an offer but I can tell she liked it a lot. I wish I could have been there to see it. But I trust her and the pictures on the real estate site look good. The way this always works is that she gets outbid or someone offers to pay with cash. But we'll see.

I'm maybe feeling a little sleepy...going to get some more tea with honey. If it doesn't do anything at least it tastes good.

@BeyondtheRainbow

When Husband and I got covid we were sick with it for two weeks. Probably should have gone to the doctor, but we didn't. It was in January of 2021 I believe. Daughter had to spend those two weeks at Husband's mom's house so she wouldn't get it. It was awful. I hope you start to feel better soon. You are definitely in my thoughts. Sending healing vibes. 🙏