Bipolar Check-in #82

So glad for you @Crazy Hitch !!!

Also so glad for you @Lady Shadow ! Congratulations and sorry I'm late!

Well, I'm trying to be good with this moving thing but I'm clearly rattled. It's 3:40 and I'm wide awake despite having taken PRN Seroquel and gabapentin (twice). I have found things that are good about my new town. It has Planet Fitness which I'll be glad to use. They have a drop in center that looks really good. There's a program to provide photography lessons to the mentally ill. NAMI is active and does some neat things. I've found some churches I'm interested in. I could take Pilates with my sister (maybe; I have a wobbly ankle and might harm myself grievously doing that). There's a CVS which is good since my insurance is pretty attached to CVS. Maybe this one will be better at communicating with my doctor's office than the one here. Due to having had a huge psych hospital there are more mentally people in this town and I might not be the only one they have on clozaril.


I really need to see the house. I think I'm going to ask my mom if we can plan to do that this weekend maybe. I think I'll feel more settled when I have seen it for real and not with the weird photography angles realtors use.

I'm sorry for posting so much about this. I just never thought this would actually happen. Now we need a person who wants a rental or a studio or something like my mom and I have to buy this property. It won't go on the market for a while yet. We're going to wait and list it empty. Thank God for that. I can't imagine having to be ready to leave the house with an hour's notice over and over.

Maybe I can read now. Maybe that would get me to sleep. I've not even tried because I've been so agitated my heartrate is up and reading isn't going to calm me more. Even my cat can tell I'm upset; she is cuddling with me in a way she only does when I'm not sleeping.

Good morning. Not much planned today, aside from practicing ukulele and violin. Just drinking some black tea right now for the caffeine since I ran out of coffee. Gonna watch some movies today.

@BeyondtheRainbow
I hope you can see the house soon, maybe that will help you settle? I know we were contemplating moving when H first got his job as a professor b/c the commute is 1.5 hr each way for him, but luckily he can work 2-3 days a week from home, so that helps things, but when we were looking at houses & thinking of putting our home up for sale, it really unsettled me, especially the thought of having to leave my pdoc and familiar surroundings, but it sounds like there are a ton of good new things in the area you will move to and being closer to your family should be a good positive, I hope?

I'm still stable, my grandmother seems to be doing somewhat better though she's still in the hospital with a leg wound that has gotten infected and is the cause of her fever. I think some wound specialist came by yesterday, but my mom hasn't updated me yet.

I slept 8 hr. last night though I remember having weird dreams. This morning, I walked & jogged, a full moon was out when I started my exercise, very large & bright, I always enjoy seeing that sort of moon. I finished breakfast, showered, don't really plan to do much today, read mostly as I have new books from the library.

That pipeline fire is still buring, it's been over 48 hr. now. It's not as tall & they expect it to burn out today, but then they are going to re-ignite the area to burn off the residual gas (it's liquid natural gas burning). I really hope my grocery store wiill re-open soon as it is very close to the fire & has been closed since the fire started; I use the pharmacy inside it, and I'm seeing the pdoc tomorrow and I'll get some prescriptions to refill, and if the store is still closed, I'll have to use a different pharmacy, which I really don't care to do as I like my pharmacy a lot; they are efficient & very nice there.

I'm back from my endoscopy. My doctor wants to put me on Reglan but says I'd have to go off my Geodon. He wants me to talk to my pdoc and find something else. I don't think theres anything that doesn't cause massive weight gain or movement disorder. I'd rather just go off it altogether and not go on anything else.

Idk. I am drowsy as **** right now and they gave me fentnaynal and I can't see very good. Don't they say not to make any big decisions anyways. So deciding on different meds today isnt a good idea.

One of the nurses smelled like she hadn't taken a shower in a week but was using perfume every day

People were nice though and this was at a catholic hospital but no one gives a **** here if your trans even if its at a catholic hospital.

I feel very idk not depressed but not like super super happy either. Just kinda in the middle and it feels very boring. I don’t feel excited like I normally do. I just feel blah and like I’m ready for the next couple weeks to be over with. I feel like doing things but I have no motivation to actually do anything. Idk. I’m kind of bored. Every day feels like a repeat of the last day

Zoo asked for to much verification. So they went to the aquarium. I couldn't go because it's a 16 minute walk. So h took the kid. I slept in and ordered groceries. Might do some of my classes. I'm having symptoms my head's loud I'm confused it's not fun. I didn't get a call to schedule my therapy appointment. So I have to find out about that.

We got the paperwork filled out and swabbed inside both my cheeks 10 times each side for the genetic test. Now it gets sent to the company for testing. Should take 2 weeks! I'll get the results in my email and my psychiatrist and I will discuss the results in 4 weeks when I see her again in her office. Meanwhile we are keeping the Vraylar at 1.5 mg per day because it's working with minimal side effects and because upping the dose on the last two meds caused major problems as you know! I am getting a vitamin E test and a B6 test in November. I'm supposed to cut the B6 to half a pill every other day because my level was too high recently and keep taking the vitamin E as usual. So I’ve got a month’s worth of meds now.

I think I'm in a mixed episode. Half of me is feeling really low and I'm not interested in things I can usually do. The other half is well enough to go to the gym and initiate reading.

So I'm interested but at the same time not really feeling it.

I'm just taking things as they come up and trying not to predict the future in terms of how I might feel

Does Vraylar cause weight gain for you? I was looking around online and it said it was one of the APs to least likely cause weight gain.

I still just want to go off my Geodon but I'm thinking of a backup plan

Triggered, ugh, I feel like banging my head into the wall. Why do I continuously repeat doing the same things that are bad for me and expect a different outcome?!

Hard to tell as I gained a fair bit quickly just a month ago on risperdal. I’ve only been on Vraylar for 2 weeks. We’ll see what happens within this next month or so.

I walked to the library to renew my expiring library card. Apparently they’re holding a drawing on October 4th where you can win either a kindle or an iPad your choice if you win/if your name is drawn. In order to be eligible to participate you have to be renewing an expiring library card or signing up for a new one. There’s a youth category and whoever wins from their category will win a Nintendo switch.

Idk how good my luck is to win two drawings in a short amount of time cause I just won that $50 gift card basket from them recently. But it’s still cool to have a chance. If I win I’d choose the iPad since I already have a kindle.

I bought cookies on the way home. Nothing like cookies to cheer me up. Also the walk was helpful too. Though it’s way too hot outside.

I still feel groggy and slightly cranky since the nurse said not to take my valium until tonight because of the fentanyal and anetethisa

And I can still smell perfume BO butt lady. The smell is in my nose.

So tired and lethargic today. Just walking takes a huge amount of effort. Energy levels gone. I'm not mentally depressed, but it feels like my body is depressed today.

After another encounter (that was still satisfying, don't get me wrong, the sertraline side effect is just getting old) I've decided to ask to be taken off the sertraline. Life is too short for this shyt. Therapist pretty much told me that it was up to me and that if I chose to go off it to talk to scary new psychiatrist about it at my next appointment with her on October 7th.

I was doing some online research on ADs that don't cause the side effect I'm experiencing and not many showed up. A couple I've tried already and couldn't tolerate. But one I've never tried is viibryd and it comes in generic, so I was thinking about asking about that one.

Has anyone tried it?

I may make a separate thread asking about this.

Otherwise I was just going to go AD free and see how I do.

My friend stopped by and surprised me randomly with this book she got me, it's about building good habits and patterns, it's like a book/workbook written by a psychologist. I'm so excited about it! That was so nice of her to do. Also we made plans to go grocery shopping together next month

Wondering what to do with my day off. Might go get my nails done but I feel guilty having all this free time.

That's great that you got the time off! Do things for yourself, mentally as well as physically. Even an unrushed stroll makes a difference.

Ugh I just wanna sleep but hide from
Thr world
Too

You could work on building your distress tolerance so that when you go back to work you’ll be stronger

On the way home from my mental health drop-in i took the bus home with one of the women, "B." We had a great conversation! I so enjoyed it! I really feel so happy to have had such a good time and let loose with someone. She's really bright and likeable. I screwed up my courage and asked to exchange phone numbers but she said no, as she is bad at keeping in touch, but would look forward to seeing me around the drop-in. So that was a disappointment, but i'm pleased and proud of myself that i took the initiative and seized the day. Maybe we'll exchange phone numbers when she's more familiar with me. It's only the second time i've seen her there. Wow, i feel so much better about myself, for being myself for once, and expressing myself. What a relief to 'come out of my shell' as June08 puts it, and really connect with someone!

I slept from 8:30 AM to 12:30 PM. I am so tired now. Hopefully I'll stay calm tonight and sleep. My only real goal for today was to get my blood drawn for clozaril and I did that so I'm ok to just rest. I need to go to Walmart but I'm moving that to tomorrow after I've had some sleep. It will go faster if I'm not too tired to follow the rows in logical order.

I'm going to see the new house Tuesday. I wish it were sooner but it's only 5 more days and that day will be a big day anyway because it will be one more week and my therapist will be back. He's going to be mad at me for dumping the substitute but I couldn't go this week (I could now, I'm much better, but I didn't know that when I would have re-scheduled) and next week is busy. We have family coming from all over the place for a gathering here. Plus she didn't help. I realize I only gave her one chance to help but it's not my fault I got sick. We'll work it out. I just hope he doesn't think I can go this many weeks between therapy normally. I'm paying a price doing this, especially now.


Hoping to stay awake until med time (which is too early to go to sleep, I'd be awake in the middle of the night for sure)....

Ohh I didn’t check in yet!

I’ve had some frustration and anxiety today. Last night one of my implants fell out, so I tried going on line to get a hold of my dentist as their phone is a horrible auto robo. But their chat line is also an auto bot that told me to call. So I called and went around in circles. They are an hour away from me and I got ready to drive there, but then I thought of my sister. She lives five minutes away. So I texted her and she went for me. I have surgery again Monday morning at 8am! Because it’s so early my sister invited me to stay with her Sunday night and only be a 5 minute drive away.

Fortunately there no pain I’m using salt water while I wait for Monday. I do have pain pills left over from my other surgery so I’m fine that way. But now pissed that they don’t have a way to get a hold of them in an emergency.

The perfume lady was also like "is there anything you want to tell me that you don't want your mom to know?" And I said no and then she said "are you in any trouble?"

Are these routine questions or did she think I was in danger or something? I haven't been asked them before. Well not in that way.

Then she said I could get undressed and I asked if I could keep my underwear on and she paused for a second and said "no he likes it off in case you go off potty during the procedure."

Idk. Besides the overwhelming perfume BO does anyone else find her odd?