Bipolar Check-in #82

Ouch @Blueberrybook !! I hope you're okay now.

Today, I have a lot going on, trying to work this morning and go through applications to hire some seasonal people for my store. Things are picking up - I booked two candle making classes for this Saturday. Getting ready for my dad's surgery in two weeks, hope he's going to be okay. My bible study is tonight and I am really looking forward to that. I have to chair my AA meeting at noon and then I am having lunch with one of my AA friends afterwards. I am going to try and relax after that because I have to run out again in the evening. Just a lot going on, but it's really good to keep busy.

Had a tough time sleeping last night because my mind was running so much. Since I am going to be joining the Legion of Mary, I think it would really be beneficial to learn Spanish - I know a lot, but not enough for a full conversation. Downloaded the Duolingo app and it's super cute and fun. Having a lot of fun learning, but it's kind of fueling my manic mind.

@LadyShadow
It sounds like you are busy! It's awesome that you are learning Spanish. I took Spanish in high school, but I've pretty much forgotten all of it. I really admire others who are fluent in a 2nd language. My grandmother grew up speaking Czech at home at had to start school without knowing any English. She still remembers Czech but doesn't have anyone still alive to speak it with her. On the other hand, she speaks English just fine though she never lost her accent.

I called the dentist, and they can get me in today at 10 AM so just a little longer to wait. My dental anxiety will be a lot less once I just know what the diagnosis is on my teeth especially the one with the bigger chip that I definitely will want fixed assuming the tooth doesn't die and I need more extensive work on it. I am also changing dentists, and this will be my first visit to the new dentist. The quality of care has just gone way down at my old dentist office, and they have started to have insanely long wait times as well, so I have decided to change dentists. The new one has good reviews on Nextdoor by a lot of people, so hopefully it will be better than the old office.

im feeling overwhelmed and sleepy. i did get some sleep last night. hubby didnt let his alarms go off all morning like usual. work is alot today. planning for my group.

I met with the NP. We tried zoom but I can't get my app to unmute so we did it over the phone. She was really nice. She is decreasing my Geodon by 20mg. She seems to think that is causing my nausea. She says I've been on it for so long and on such a high dose that it could have just like crapped out on me and started making me sick.

She is also wondering about my bipolar diagnosis. I told her I dealt with bad PMDD but once I got my hystrectomy in 2021 my mood swings got a lot better. So she is wondering if it even was bipolar or just PMDD.

She does want me to wait on the Reglan until I meet with my pdoc to discuss it. I guess shes kinda swearing that the geodon and me being on it for 19 years is the issue.

I think? You lose weight when you stop an AP. I'm not sure though.

I’m feeling really down right now. I do have a telehealth therapy appointment in 30 minutes and I’m sure that will get me straightened out.

My anemia is severe again. We can’t seem to keep it up and they aren’t sure what’s causing it. It’s so disheartening. The worst part is fighting for air, not being able to walk and deep ulcers in the mouth and tongue. That’s for the birds I tell you. I’m following instructions exactly. I’ve revamped my diet and everything else. Oh well.

I haven’t felt well enough to get other routine things done so I have like 7-8 appointments in October and November.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

I’m upgrading to a better ukulele this week. A good well known brand. Not like the crappy one I currently have. I’ve used it for a couple years but now I feel it’s hindering my progress because the way it’s built isn’t ideal. So I’m upgrading this week. To a significantly better one. My old one cost like $35-$40. It’s a tenor. The new tenor ukulele I’m getting is around $260. Not that price is everything but sometimes you get what you pay for. I told myself I’d use my old one for a couple years and if I still wanted to upgrade after that then I could. And I do. I stuck with it. So I’m allowing myself to upgrade.

Plus it’s really beautiful. I’ve been eyeing it for a few years now but didn’t want to pay for it unless I knew for sure ukulele would be something I’d stick with.

I do love violin and that’s still my main instrument however there’s something about playing a ukulele or any guitar like instrument. Strumming it. Picking. It’s a different experience than using a bow but I love it too.

Anyway sorry for all the music talk.

But I feel good. I took an amazingly cozy nap for a couple hours in some really warm fuzzy blankets and it felt great. Now I’m about to read on my kindle. If I can get myself to take my headphones off. I like listening to music and blocking out the world.

Weight talk

Sunflower,
Have you gotten iron infusions for your anemia or just are you trying to get more iron in your diet & taking iron supplements?

I am prone to iron anemia. I have had to get iron infusions every few years. They are a pain (and can be expensive depending on your insurance) but they were the only things that got my iron back to manageable levels. I know I had terrible fatigue, worse than I get on my normal course of psych meds (which do cause me some fatigue) and I got ice pica as well from it. I was eating so much ice, I'd eat all the ice from the icemaker in the refrigerator, go out and buy bags of ice and go through those fast too. The only thing that helped get my iron up were those infusions. I tried a higher iron diet & iron supplements though the supplements were hard on my stomach and would only nudge my iron up a 2 points. They never did find an exact cause for my iron issues other than possibly my having ulcer surgery in the past and not the best amount of iron in my diet. It is really frustrating when you have anemia and can't find the cause

doing my group on anxiety an dusing cold to decrease it. i have gel packs in the fridge here at wokr to usew ith my group. should be good

Tmi, but I just got my period this morning and the pain is EXCRUCIATING. I'm literally laying on my side in bed moaning. I think it's time to take more Tylenol, not that it'll help too much.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better now that I'm having my period. Think I just had a slight hiccup and a bad case of pre-menstrual PMS (stupid hormones!). My anxiety is high, but luckily I'm getting my prn seroquel today so I'll have that to take. I still have an empty brain unfortunately though. But I'm looking forward to things again and am back to my normal cheerful self. 😊 I'm just in the middle of an anxiety episode unfortunately, but it'll pass.

@Scooter9

I recommend getting a cat if you want a pet. They're pretty self sufficient, adorable, and taking care of their cat litter takes like five seconds (especially if you do it everyday). I love our two cats to death. ❤️ They're my babies. I'm the one in the household who feeds them and takes care of their litter, etc. One we don't pay the cat fee for on our apartment because we have him down as my therapy animal. Cats are really emphatic. Our female cat is always trying to cheer everyone up and gets concerned when someone is upset.

I'll stop raving about cats. Lol. I just love cats. Get a cats. 😊

@Blueberrybook

Ouch!!! Jesus. How did your dentist appointment go? That sounds so painful. I hope you're okay now. 🫂 ❤️

Hi. Meds are going well. Saw therapist. She says she thinks I am traumatized (ptsd?) by growing up in an alcoholic household. She asked me why I think I'm bipolar. Uh.... because I have had all the symptoms for the last 20 years?? You CAN have both I'm sure! Well I'm just wondering where she's trying to go saying I was traumatized by my alcoholic dad and that my symptoms stem from being an adult child of an alcoholic. .That and she’s obviously anti-psych meds! I feel I'm caught between her and Pdoc! And pdoc recommended her!

@raspberrytorte I am glad you are feeling better now, well not glad about your bad period but you know what I mean. You sound a lot more positive. Sorry about the anxiety. I definitely can relate to that.

@Moose72 I'd go with the pdoc's diagnosis. I don't really know that your T has known you long enough to make a diagnosis like that and she doesn't have the medical training a pdoc does. Just my 2 cents.

Blue_Bird Ugh, I know about anxiety with getting weighed at the pdoc. Mine weighs me every appt. But not just me, he weighs all his patients at every appt. because I've heard him calling in patients before me while I'm in the waiting room before the door closes, and he says, "Now let's check your weight" to every one of them before the door will close. It is nerve-wracking to me. I've thought of asking him if he can just not check my weight because of my past with an ED but then I'm always thinking well if he starts noticing a weight trend up or down due to a medication or shift in my bipolar, it would be beneficial to me. And I have a scale at home anyway, so it's not exactly like I don't know my weight.

Thanks everyone for the sympathy with my tooth. It is much appreciated. I really wish I didn't have such bad dental anxiety; I've had it since I was a kid even before I developed out-and-out full panic disorder, well, truthfully I've always been anxious about everything since I was a kid - school, home life with an abusive father, meeting strangers, making friends, new places, seeing the doctor, the dentist, the eye doctor, death, getting sick, pretty much you name it, I had anxiety about it.

To get back to the tooth, the dental appt. went well. The dentist was able to fix the larger chip with just a filling and she smoothed out the smaller chip. She said the tooth may still ache from the pressure for up to 2-3 weeks because the trauma of the fall likely bruised the tooth. Then she told me the trauma can in cases cause the nerve to die anywhere from weeks to YEARS after the injury and that's something just to deal with when the time comes. I really hope that doesn't happen to me, but I guess no use worrying about it until I have something to actually worry about.

But from the fall itself, not only does the tooth ache, but my scraped knees and hands and elbow are throbbing. I took some Tylenol but I don't think it's helped much. I will be happy once I start healing!

Just a quick note to say I’m back from my sisters. The dentist fixed the issue and soon I should be done with the dentist.

I’m really tired from not sleeping and the driving. Hugs to everyone will try to respond more in depth tomorrow.

I had to take my cat Crookshanks to the vet today. He needed to get his teeth cleaned and they ended up pulling 3 teeth. We just picked him up and the poor guy is walking all over the place confused and halfway falling over. We have to give him wet food for a few days. Gary is gonna want some too so we got a few cans. He'll be fine though.

I didn't take the 20mg Geodon and I had energy to take a shower and then go with my mom and pick up the cat. My stomach has been fine today.

Does anyone else notice people looking more nervous lately?

Finished my needs assessment paper. Just gotta look over it again before I turn it in. With my interview transcripts as attached appendices it’s 29 pages.

I started it Friday and finished it Saturday.

I’ve decided to find a new tdoc. My therapist friend of 20 years says mine thinks everything is trauma and she doesn’t believe bipolar is real and she is against psych meds! She’s a pleasant person but we have different believes when it comes to mental health.

I had a t believe that too. she thoght it was all my PTSD which I mean I do have complex trauma BUT i was stable on psych meds for years

Today was quiet. I didn't attempt to do any activities other than walking my dog. Her scheduled breaks were an hour earlier as i woke up early feeling good. She did well. I took Tylenol and stretched after each walk to try and ease my muscle soreness. Even my neck hurts. I emailed my doctor asking how long he thinks the pain will last.

I went in my support group's ZOOM social hour and a guy told us about a TV site that i can get a news broadcast on, so that's a bit of connection to the world for me, since i cut my cable five years ago. So excited that Kamala Harris is the candidate opposing Trump! They couldn't be more different!

I had some anxiety mid-day, but otherwise it was an okay day. I have a little anxiety about staying fed, but i have some extra money and have been ordering from Subway, which i feel is a decent solution. At least i get my veggies.

@Mountaindewed

I admittedly don't get out much, but I know the closer the election gets the more nervous I'VE been feeling! Like the thought of it makes me want to puke.