Bipolar Check-in #82

My shoulder is cracking and popping like rice krispies again. And I'm nauseated in a strange way. I'm trying not to worry. I took more dramamine and some tums. Its not like a constant pain like before. But it does suck.



I ordered a neck pillow and a couple inexpensive side pillows to be delivered from Walmart. In the morning I can go to Walgreens and get a neck and shoulder heating wrap. My monthly insurance debit card will pay for it.

I took Tylenol and used icy hot for tonight.

I'm not stupid I know not to take aleeve with my ulcers. But they would help me a lot right now. I can't sleep.

I don't know where to start. I got a therapist an hour away on a bus/train. we're making moves to break out of poverty because I can't get the help I need. To do this I have to go back to school, work part-time and remote. My husband has to do the same. It'll cost about 20k if this goes wrong. I'm scared. I don't think I can do a part time job even if it is remote but I need a cleaner, walk-in shower and washer dryer. I love my Dr. I gave up on art. I have to be okay.

It’s midnight. I can’t sleep. I’m probably gonna be up till tomorrow night cause I need to be up early tomorrow so there’s no point in going to sleep at this point. I’m just up cleaning my apartment and just took a shower. All the caffeine and excitement from the day is probably contributing to me not being able to sleep. I’m gonna throw a load of laundry in at 5am then walk to the store around 8am to buy some cat litter. Then off to take the bus to my volunteer job with the rescue cats around the 10:30am. On my way home I’m gonna stop to get some takeout, meatball parmigiana sub and buffalo wings. Then come home, eat, vacuum my apartment then hopefully by then I can try to get some sleep.

Good morning. It’s been a long night that has dragged on way too slowly. By time I felt tired (4am) it was too late to go to sleep. It’s 7am now. I’m so tired. I want to not go to my volunteer shift today because I’m exhausted and I want to just sleep but I agreed to come in today so I’m gonna go in. I don’t want to be unreliable.

I’m heading to the store in about 45 minutes to get some cat litter for my cats and food for myself.

I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight

this sucks, I need a nice long 10-11 hour sleep.

I was overly optimistic about me doing laundry at 5am. I haven’t done it. I don’t have any energy right now. I’ve just been sitting here on the couch listening to music trying to pass the time till the store opens.

I got almost 4 hours of sleep. My shoulder was fine when I woke up and then it cracked real nasty about 10 minutes ago. It sounded like I had broken it but its ok now. I'm not nauseated anymore at least.

This neck pillow is amazing. Its so supportive and it was only $10. I'm always leaning over when I sit up which doeen't help much of anything.

I ended up telling my volunteer coordinator I couldn’t come in today. I just can’t function on zero hours of sleep. They were understanding and will get someone to fill in today

@Blue_Bird
I'm glad you were able to take the day off from your volunteer shift. I completely understand; I do not function well on no sleep either. I hope you will be able to lie down and get some much-needed sleep soon. Does your pdoc have you on something that helps with sleep?

Yeah Thorazine is my med that helps me sleep good, I’m allowed to increase it a bit if I’m struggling with sleep so I might do that tonight so I can get a good night of sleep

Took
Zyprexa to sleep again last night. Feeling pretty calm

Well I checked my credit card balance and it’s high. I won’t be able to pay it off all at once so I’ll have to pay it off in chunks. That means I can’t use it very much in September. I spent a lot in gas, prescriptions and non prescriptions for this yeast infection and going to the doctor umpteen times. I still have one more appointment to see my regular OBGYN. I really spent too much on bagels and coffee at $6 a day. Doesn’t seem like much but it obviously adds up! I’m not sure what else I spent it on. I think I have at least one bill coming through there and there’d better not be another charge from that subscription I cancelled! I talked with the credit union about the charge being on there last month and asked them to remove it and block it. I did get an email from that company asking me to come back so it seems they finally cancelled it! I’m supposed to be getting a letter in the mail about removing last month’s charge in about a week. When will I ever learn? My Pdoc will just want to raise my risperdal again which I will not do after what happened with the high prolactin and vaginal dryness and month-long yeast infection last time she raised it!

My mood is still stable, but I'm very tired today despite sleeping 8 hours last night. However, I'm supposed to start my period this week and that usually wipes me out, so maybe it's just PMS.

I took today off from walking & jogging as my body is exhausted. I feel some guilt about that, but on the other hand I know rest days are needed when you exercise. I had a grocery delivery this morning but that's about all on the agenda for the day other than laundry and cooking meals. I'll probably read more today; I've been going through Michael Connelly books quickly. Might try to take a nap too I'm so exhausted.

Sorry about your credit card. I often overspend too. This month's balance is highish but not overally so, and I will be able to pay it off though I have to wait until the 2nd which is when my balance comes due. Things do add up, and I've been finding the amount I spend on groceries adding up even when I no longer by desserts from the bakery or meat & cheese straight from the deli counter instead of prepackaged or pre-cut fruit & veggies. It is so frustrating! At least I did better this month than last and that is considering I had to buy my daughter 2 new bras from Victoria's Secret, which those things run like $50 a pop!

Well last month my balance was higher but not by much. I know Panera added up but I really think the driving and yeast infection appointments and treatments added up. Guess I’m still kind of hypomanic? Like I said there is nothing my Pdoc can do about the over spending because of the disaster that happened last month when she did that.

Victoria’s Secret has always been expensive. I used to shop there back in my skinny 34B days 20 years ago. My due date is the 4th. I will be able to pay off a big chunk of it just not all.

My therapist won’t be back until a week from Monday. Maybe she can say something that will get me to stop racking up my credit card ! I know Amazon prime goes through on that credit card. There are so many items you can’t buy on Amazon without prime! I haven’t bought anything off Amazon for quite a while so that’s something. My new book by my favorite author was at Barnes and noble on the shelf! Normally I’d get that on Amazon. Which reminds me- I haven’t read any of it in over a week!

Edit: I just looked at my online account. There are some charges on there for bills but most of it was going out to eat! Especially this Vietnamese place! *hangs head in shame*

Blue bird when I was younger I often had zero sleep days but I’d get wired not tired then I not want to sleep. When I finally slept I felt awful when I woke up. But back then no good meds help. Now though I sleep pretty good when I’ve a bad night like last night I’m now groggy and listless too. I’m glad the rescue listened and let you off. Take it easy today.

My credit card this month is high too. I put two art classes on it as well as little things that added up. But I plan to pay it off and not use it this month. Oy! I didn’t know it was that high, yikes.

I slept terribly last night. Dreamed I was homeless dressed in a nightgown and bright pink fluffy coat. I had a headache that was driving me to act crazy. I lost my coat it had my billfold with the number of my caseworker. An ambulance came and got me. But I couldn’t respond to anything. I was in such pain. Then finally they gave me something and it seemed normal again and I could talk, they told me I had a brain tumor. Ugh it was so real. But on waking I had no headache. So it really was just a dream, besides I wouldn’t be caught dead in pink. 😂

Had a good night sleep and got up really early for church. The service was really good, and I cried. Trying to get my emotions together because I am on my period and I am very, very angry right now. I am boiling with anger, and I am about to lose it here at my parents' house. Trying my best to calm down. I shut off my phone because I want to shut out the world right now that's how angry I am. I hate when people hurt me. It sucks so bad.

I’m sorry shadow. Hug if wanted.

Always love your hugs @Nammu - even when I am so angry and hate everything and everyone lol.

I’m thinking I’ve been hypomanic for a month hence the overspending and sex with two partners in the same week! I really wish my therapist would come back from vacation! I have to wait another week!

@LadyShadow:



I hate being angry too. It's so uncomfortable. But it passes, and i'm always glad when i don't act on it. Hope you get some relief soon!

@LadyShadow
Being angry is the pits. I'm so sorry.