Bipolar Check-in #82

I’m sorry shadow. Hug if wanted.

Always love your hugs @Nammu - even when I am so angry and hate everything and everyone lol.

I’m thinking I’ve been hypomanic for a month hence the overspending and sex with two partners in the same week! I really wish my therapist would come back from vacation! I have to wait another week!

@LadyShadow:



I hate being angry too. It's so uncomfortable. But it passes, and i'm always glad when i don't act on it. Hope you get some relief soon!

@LadyShadow
Being angry is the pits. I'm so sorry.

Thanks so much @JaneOnceMore & @Blueberrybook - the anger has passed, and I am back online lol. Like any good drunk, (or in my case ex-drunk lol), I just needed to sleep it off, and a three-hour nap just did wonders lol. @JaneOnceMore - I hope things improve for you soon, I really want to start a weight loss journey of my own with healthy eating so bad, but I am just so discouraged because of my ongoing thyroid issue. Grateful that another blood test is coming up this Thursday; my doctor is going to check the levels again and see if my medicine needs to be increased again. I am so praying for a resolution soon.

@Moose72 that does sound hypomanic to me, the money and lots of sex things are definite indicators - sure do hope you get to see your therapist soon. @Blue_Bird I do hope you've gotten some rest - question though, have you ever tried Melatonin, or something called "Sleepy Time" tea? Those had worked wonders for me in the past, in fact, I still take some Melatonin now - they are all natural and may be the little relaxing things that you need. I take them in addition to my meds and my doctor approved it, although you should ask your pdoc, of course if it's okay.

Thanks ya'll for all the love, definitely feeling better and got what I was so upset about resolved. Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday. Its' really hot out here today.

So that is good. I got my new heating pad with my insurance spendable card. Its like a weighted blanket heating pad shawl thing thats just meant for my shoulders and neck. Anf I still have about $30 left on my card.

I took an hour nap and I feel better now.

@LadyShadow

that does sound hypomanic to me, the money and lots of sex things are definite indicators - sure do hope you get to see your therapist soon.

I see my Pdoc on Wednesday. I’m not going back up on the risperdal. I hope she and my liver doctor talk on Tuesday! I’m not going back up on the risperdal no way no how! Unsure if it was the psych meds or the yeast infection cream that raised my liver enzymes but either way . My yeast infection is finally gone and I want to keep it that way! I see my therapist on Monday next week and I hope she can help with the hypomania! I had no clue I was hypomanic for a whole month!!!

Another hypomanic symptom: I’ve written my friend an email every day for weeks on end! What with no therapist to talk with he’s getting all the details of the last month! I’m sure he’s overwhelmed! Oh well. He’ll write me back when he’s ready.

@LadyShadow , I haven’t tried melatonin before. I may ask about it at some point. What I need to do first is start cutting back on coffee and eventually cutting it out entirely, that will probably make a big difference

I took my night meds already, it’s 6pm. I’m hoping to get to sleep by 8 or 9 and sleep a lot. I took the increased dose of Thorazine so I should sleep good when I eventually get to sleep tonight

I’m too tired to do anything but not tired enough to fall asleep yet so I’m kind of just trying to pass the time till I’m ready to sleep. I’m too tired to focus on reading or watching shows or really much of anything. Just laying here listing to music. I took an hour long nap earlier with my cat Mustachio. She laid snuggled up next to me.

Tomorrow is Labor Day. I was gonna go grocery shopping tomorrow but I’m not sure because the buses will be on a holiday schedule and they take longer to show up. So I might wait till Tuesday.

I’m excited because I get my new Kindle tomorrow

Well it’s official we’re having an unofficial party tomorrow noon. I bought hot dogs, buns, ketchup, mustard and relish. The hard part is that the party starts at noon so I’ll have to be dressed and up by 10. Usually I go to bed so late I’m not getting up before 9 and I like to sit with my chai for awhile to wake up. I never was a morning person and now that I have no schedule I’ve fallen into going to b3d at midnight and getting up when I wake up. Ah well it’s one day out of many. I can do it. I should sleep well tonight since last night was a bust.

Ha, yeah. I listen to practically everything. Well, every genre. There are a lot of crap songs in each genre, some more than others going by my taste. Thrice (band of that song) has changed so much over the years. They went from melodic hardcore/post-hardcore type stuff to alternative to pop-rock to some stuff bordering on folk (and straight up folk and country if you count the vocalist Dustin Kensrue's solo stuff). I love bands like that.

Halsey is more these days pop, but she's also along the lines of makes a wide variety of music (I say as I'm listening to "Trouble" ). Not so much as Thrice, but there's a alternative/indie/pop/rock combo throughout her repertoire.

My absolute favorite band though is Modest Mouse. You've probably heard their most played (aka overplayed) song "Float On" but the rest of "Good Times for People who Love Bad News" is heavenly. Lonesome Crowded West and Moon and Antarctica are my favs though.

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I'm doing okay today. Had to take my PRN this morning. I'm still convinced my mom is taking things and hiding them and denying it. Today it was my tea steeper so I'm going to go get 30 of them and she won't be able to "lose" all of them.

If it weren't for the PRN I would be losing my shyt though. I had a person I was REALLY close to. Like favorite person close to, and she hasn't answered any of my texts or calls in forever even though she's posting on facebook?

I had a lovely walk with my dog, drinking in all the wonders of nature. It's cool with a flirty breeze. We wandered, strolled, and sat out until the lights came on. It was very rejuvenating, and a perfect experience for the first of September, my favorite day of the year.

Earlier tho the day sucked, eating junk, and dozing. I had my protein shake tho, i was really surprised to still want it even tho i'm not dieting, but i enjoyed it. Got so depressed tho i was Googling 'how to be happy.' It was overwhelming.

@MuddyBoots:

I *L*O*V*E* Modest Mouse's video of "Lampshades on Fire"!!! I love all the masks and costumes, it's so creative, and the wild party scenes, and the song is spot-on, about how filthy and destructive humans are regarding the environment. Great band! I've seen Halsey on "Saturday Night Live." She's very pretty and i liked her songs. They were sort of pop-rock at that time.

Wow I did good today!

I went shopping and was able to manage my anxiety throughout the whole trip! I didn't break out into a cold sweat, I was calm, took things one at a time.

My anxiety crept up on me on the way back home and by the time I got back my anxiety was way up. But that's ok, I had a win today!

I took my T's advice and did things how I wanted, drove how I wanted, strolled through the store how I wanted, picked up the things I wanted to get. That's really rare for me - I'm usually doing things in the context of what others expect from me.

Nice job @Scooter9!


Because I had to play catch up from not feeling well yesterday, today was very full. The highlight was getting to the library where I had one book waiting for me and I picked up another random one. I like to always get at least two when I go to the library in case I don't like one of them.

I'm realizing my brain has been looking for dopamine hits for probably a few weeks at this point. I also find myself yearning for more human connection. My friend did stop by for lunch yesterday, since I couldn't meet her out, but I've been struggling to feel connected to her lately so it only helped a little bit.

It's hard for me to focus on one thing tonight and my brain can't take in enough stimuli/is racing a bit-I'm hoping this isn't a sign of a mood shift because it can be at times. There are two factors that could lead to mood shifts for me right now, and one of them was trying the med that knocked me out yesterday, so it's very possible a shift is coming.

Ugh what emergency am I on at this point. My cyst came back. In the same spot. I'm trying not to worry but we have a non refundable hotel room for Tuesday night and my regular doctor is closed tommorow. I mean kinda tmi, but its not as big as last time. But I just felt some pain for a few days last time until it ended up rupturing. Idk. I know I had like 3 health issues that were blowing up or were about to blow up at the same time.

My shoulder feels ok. I just put some icy hot on it but the shot and everything else helped.

But I got a bit of PTSD the last time I got it removed. And I've discussed it with every therapist I've met with since. I'm just worried about being out of state and having an emergency.

I finally caved in and took 2 Aleeve. Just for various aches and pains that really suck right now. I know its not good for my stomach but I feel like I've grown a 3rd arm or my shoulders became a lot wider or something. and dont fit my arms anymore. My back just feels a mile wide right now.

I'm here, lurking in the background. Been some WILD weather of late. So so windy. Trees on train lines so my partner couldn't catch the train into the city this morning.

Yesterday was Father's Day here. We spent it at my partner's folks place. His mother cooked a nice lunch. I just didn't feel like talking to anyone about anything. It was so hard. And then of course they were asking me about work. I said I don't want to go there. Just don't want to discuss it.

I slept really good. I slept 10 1/2 hours last night according to my Fitbit. I feel a lot better

Just waiting on my kindle to be delivered, it’s out for delivery now, along with the case for it. Will be here at some point today

It’s a holiday today. A few of us got together and decided to have a pot luck today. So that’s what we’re doing. Just a small one. Then games afterwards.

I'm not sure what I'm doing today. Probably playing videogames and reading most likely. Just chilling since it's a holiday. Tomorrow I'll get back to my exercise routine and practicing violin. I got this wooden/metal halloween sign at Family Dollar yesterday for the upcoming Halloween season. I know it's awhile away but I love the autumn and Halloween season. I need to buy a new Christmas tree in November.

I'm getting stuff at the grocery store tomorrow to make honey lemon chicken. It's kind of like orange chicken but instead it's honey lemon. It's really good, I've made it before.

Heard from the friend I wrote all those emails to. It was a relatively short reply as he fell in his garage and banged up his knees so bad that sitting for any length of time make his ankles and feet swell.

@Nammu that sounds like a nice day! Hope you have fun

@Mountaindewed I hope the health stuff gets sorted out soon and hope you feel better

@JaneOnceMore that sounds like a really nice walk!

@Scooter9 great job going to the store and facing your anxiety , stores are hard to be in especially when you're anxious. I definitelty recall getting a few of my panic attacks in the middle of grocery stores especially when it's crowded. Stores are overstimulating

Hugs to everyone, hope you all have a wonderful day

Nice sign blue bird 🐦
I should get one for my door. I only have two, one is a pickup truck with a dog and flowers in it, the other is the Vulcan salute. Oh yes I also have “Be kind” in ASL. I need more signs for the holidays.