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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,167
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#641
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How long were you on Adderall before the psychosis and did it feel like it helped before then? How was your headspace before the adderall vs on the adderall vs after stopping it (all outside of the bipolar episodes if you know)? I remember in 6th grade my friend said she was on Adderall for adhd and I asked her what that was and left thinking that was normal, a made up "disorder" and they're just drugging people uselessly, and that she was a wuss for feeling "special for being normal." Either ADHD is a thing and I have it too, or I just fell into that trap later haha. But seriously, I was participating in groups (Yes, @Nammu, went to some groups). Not just shouting out some vaguely relevant stuff that would end up making the intent of the group null if they didn't reign me in (or kick me out), but actually discussing the topic. Before/after a dose is like night and day, but I didn't know night was night until I saw day. I can sit and do the same thing for more than 10 minutes, reading is 1000% easier, it doesn't take me 4 trips from the bedroom to the bathroom to get everything ready for a shower but still forget something. I know I'm taking a risk, and I'm asking you these questions because I'm wondering just how big of a risk I'm taking. I really do not want to give this up any time soon. (anyone else who has been on stimulants before can chime in too, if you want. It'd be appreciated ) __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,855
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#642
I went to Tim Hortons this morning. Then I drove to PetSmart to see how much it would cost to get Ariel washed and groomed and her nails clipped. (She won’t let me clip her nails though she does have a couple cardboard scratching boxes.). She had a mat on her back that I kept trying to brush out but couldn’t so I went to PetSmart to see about getting her groomed. Wash and groom is $67. I didn’t make an appointment but went home and used that special curved metal hook all over her body and got the mat out! So I don’t want to spend the money to get her groomed right now. Still recovering from the hypomanic spending from last month! But one day I’ll treat her to a professional grooming session.
__________________ Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 1.5 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,167
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#643
You guys have other violin learnin' tips? I got a hold of one a ways back and haven't really played it much. I know other instruments (guitar, bass, piano, harmonica) so the whole learning notes/keys/theory thing isn't a factor (I generally just improvise instead of play songs anyways).
--- still doing the post-episode recovery thing. I saw my CM this morning for meds and she's going to see if she can find my criminal record and write a reference to get into that apartment. I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow and of course have to get meds in the AM but neither of us are confident I should be driving right now so I guess we'll have to figure that one out. It's also cool because since, I don't know, May, it seems like at least once a month on the state news channel they talk about how many more car crash fatalities there are than usual. Saw a video on fb of this dude in MA "noping tf" out of merging between highways (I think the traffic scared him) and literally reversing through the exit onto the original highway. AI and faked vids and stuff, but that doesn't seem outrageously outrageous for 495 corridor. My drive to the CMHC would have nothing like that though (maybe a dude doing like 100mph, and a sketchy forever construction zone, but no major traffic) __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,375
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#644
Yay! Muddy! Stimulants may be the only thing you need! My grandson is on them and yeah, the difference is night and day. During the summer he’s not on them to give him a break but wow, he can’t concentrate no matter how much he might want to. It’s tough. So glad to hear you participated in groups. You might not get much out of it at first but it does eventually make sense.
Moose, ha ha yeah cats are notorious for not wanting their nails cut. Took me a long , long time to learn how to do it. Wow $67! That’s a bit pricey. I see why you’re waiting on that. As foe me I’m starting to worry I’m going down. I’m very irritable and grumpy. I walked out on the 500 game last Tuesday. They were changing the rules as we played and instead on keeping calm I lost it. I’m sleeping terribly. The only times I get sleep is when I take my old dose of 20 mg. I’m thinking of throwing myself to the mercy of my pdoc. I have no scheduled appointment it’s in January but was too far out to schedule. But I’m scared he might change my meds around. I’m not social anymore, just hiding out in my apartment. __________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Crazy Hitch
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
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#645
Quote:
I can recommend some books if you want for just starting out and can tell you the name of the scales book I started using with my teacher when we started a year ago I can give you tips as well. I’m not a super advanced player. Maybe intermediate level. But I hope to get there someday. But I can offer you any tips and anything I learn __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,247
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#646
Here’s 4 books I’d recommend for getting started
Also I have a variety of sheet music from things like Naruto songs, Christmas songs, the game of thrones theme song, the Skyrim theme song, Zelda songs, Pokemon songs, etc if you’re interested in any of those I can scan them and send you them so you can print them I also have some classical stuff like Vivaldis concerto in A Minor and Bachs Minuet in G __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,656
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#647
@MuddyBoots
The Adderall did make a difference in how well I read and thought (more linearly maybe?). I was on it a few years before having a manic episode and don't think it was the cause of the mania just normal bipolar crap. But IDK, I still wonder if I actually have ADHD or not. Right now, I've been able to concentrate to read, and I'm not on Adderall or anything for ADHD, but I have also gone years not being able to concentrate enough to read a single book. I do feel the racing thoughts I have associated with bipolar are better under control especially when I'm stable, and racing thoughts alone do a number on your concentration. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,247
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#648
Learning lots of scales and intervals is good for improvisation.
The pentatonic scale is cool to improvise with Speaking of music, my sister has a good quality keyboard with weighted keys she’s giving to me. I have a keyboard but it’s not the best quality and the keys aren’t weighted. Weighted keys are a lot better. So I’m excited about that. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,855
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#649
Ariel is taking a nap on the bed. I’m kind of bored. Nobody is texting me or calling me back. Caleb isn’t answering. My sister just bounced my call! Ugh. My mom is probably taking a late nap as she’s home now but hasn’t called me back like she said she would. Therapy tomorrow! I get a whole hour to talk! Then I have to reschedule my therapy on the 30th for some other time because I’m having that 4-hour appointment for my allergies. It will be good to know why mouth burns so badly sometimes when I eat!
__________________ Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 1.5 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,167
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#650
Quote:
I hope you like your keyboard! It's nice to get that piano-thing going without occasionally going through a wormhole in a clown car to tune it. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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LadyShadow
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
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#651
I totally didn't do a thing today. I didn't do laundry or take a shower or eat much or even get out of bed. I just grabbed a few snacks from my pantry and a few Kool Aid juice boxes from my stash on the floor. Its this Zofran. Its really hitting me in the rear. I swear you can get different generics with different side effects or something.
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Member
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names
Posts: 466
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#652
I feel awful. Walking my dog three times a day is exhausting me. I wanted to go to a street festival and i couldn't because i'm so sore and have to save my energy for my dog. It's a big adjustment, also keeping to a schedule of 8:30am, 2:30pm, and 8:30pm. Yesterday my dog couldn't wait for her scheduled breaks and i ended up taking her out four or five times. Getting a dog is one of the worst hypomania-induced mistakes i've made. She's tolerating her schedule better today tho. Hopefully she'll adjust. *I* have to adjust too.
My mood is unstable too, with the change of seasons. I had such an unusually active week. The soaring hope of making a friend with B, and the agony of realizing it's not real has really made me feel hopeless. I'm thinking of using alcohol to cope. My mom was a functional alcoholic. It worked for her. I can tell it would be easy for me to become an alcoholic because the rare time i drink i am haunted by the taste for days afterward. I'm so frustrated and miserable... I think i'll just focus on my dog this week and not do any other activities, just walk her and rest. There. That's a plan for the better. Last edited by JaneOnceMore; Yesterday at 08:20 PM.. |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2018
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,325
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#653
Quote:
I can go days without leaving the house because I feel so low, I can't imagine having to go out every day. I hope that you're able to manage with your dog, I'm sure he/she appreciates your efforts. __________________ * Dx: Unspecified Bipolar and Related Disorder * Rx: Remeron, Prozac, Klonopin My avatar picture is a photo of the Whirlpool Galaxy I took in April 2023. I dedicated this photo to my sister who passed away in July 2016. |
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
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#654
Hey everyone!
Been a long week, but I am glad it ended with a night with my friends Beetlejuice!! I loved it more than I thought I would. We also had some Mexican at a place and this lady passed by our table and I got a big whiff of pure liquor and it completely rocked me at my core. It shook me up so bad because it brought back so many memories of my past and addiction. I don't recommend alcohol @JaneOnceMore - being bipolar and drinking is what destroyed nearly half of my life. Spent the day at my parents today which was good - saw that awful movie "Heart of Stone" with Gal Gadot (I love her so this was a total shame), with my dad - I don't know why they are making these movies that just paste together all the action movies we grew up watching years ago - there is no more original ideas in Hollywood and it's just so sad. Halle Barry and Mark Walhberg did one on Netflix recently, and it was god awful like this too - it's like they don't even read scripts anymore, ugh. Anyway, looking forward to a really busy week - but it's really good seeing you guys! Hope you get some sleep @Nammu - I am thinking of you - and @MuddyBoots so good to see you back!! You sound so much better. __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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JaneOnceMore
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Member
Member Since Feb 2023
Location: Ontario; long-time member, just under other names
Posts: 466
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#655
@Scooter9:
Thanks for the support. I know we're all supposed to adore our pets, and i do love her, i just didn't consider the reality of how demanding her daily care would be. I was flying high on hypomania when i got her, and she's so cute, everyone says so, complete strangers comment on it, i fell in love with her right away. Then reality set in. I tried to give her away several times when she was young, but she is really attached to me, and couldn't adjust. She'll be twelve soon so perhaps there are just max four more years with her -- not that i want her to die, but i am looking forward to having my freedom again. I hesitated to be honest about how stressed i am with her care, but if i widened your eyes as to the reality of caring for a dog, i am pleased. My doctor says dogs keep us healthy, and it is only the second week of walking her regularly so it could improve. He DOES have a point -- the exercise and outdoors are good for me. Doubt i'll feel that way in the dead of Winter tho. Last edited by JaneOnceMore; Yesterday at 09:12 PM.. |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: USA
Posts: 243
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#656
I've got a couple of things on my mind tonight:
One of them is trying to figure out if some of the things I've been struggling with recently are only a result from my abandonment wound getting triggered, if I've actually been in a mixed episode and it's paranoia, or a combination of the two. I went through a few days where I was convinced every one of my homeroom students hates me. I'm still worried they don't like me, but I'm more grounded about it (if that makes sense-I'm not completely spiraling but the fear is still there). Some of it is definitely abandonment wound stuff, but my paranoia can also present as being convinced absolutely no one in my life likes me or wants me around and I've been struggling with that. I don't think I've had any other manic symptoms though so maybe it's just abandonment stuff. The other thing is it hit me that last September I also wasn't in a great space. I've never thought my symptoms were related to seasonal changes, but maybe there is a connection to that and/or transitioning back to school. __________________ Lamotrigine: 300 mg Bupropion: 150 mg Risperidone: 3 mg |
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Crazy Hitch
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Australia
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#657
So I woke up anxious this morning. Did 2 hours of marking, entered the results online and put comments. Then did an hour of housework. Washed the animals bedding. Will do the floors tomorrow. Then took my son to the mall bought him some socks and myself a donut. Just got home and had a salad for lunch. Seems a bit contradictory to the donut but oh well. I hope my partner appreciates me tidying up the lounge this morning because it was an outrageous mess. I still have my bedroom to tidy up. Just bits and bobs out of place. Oh I had a bath this morning even though I really didn’t want to so I’m pleased about that.
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