Bipolar Check-in #82

Duuuuude...at that point I'd've probably asked for the frying pan. You are a bonafide badass

I’m feeling a little more hopeful today. Usually when the weather is gloomy for several days my mood goes down. I didn’t have the usual store of summer sunshine I get from the pool either. Too sick to go this year.

We got hit with some heavy wind and some flooding but only a bit. My prayers are with anyone impacted by the recent weather.

I’ve been healing my relationship with food on this Ozempic. Decided to have a slice of pizza with alfredo and pepperoni. Wrong choice. My system did not like it at all with the medication onboard. Although I’m following several people who have been through this journey and am learning what not to do, some things I still learn firsthand.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Oo I’m weird. All I had was back pain. I went to a midwife and their solution was a cold can of soda to lay on! By the time I’d arrived I was too dilated for any meds. It was fast. I made my husband walk with me throughout the night. Then I called at 8am, I didn’t want to wake the midewife if it was false! Ha. Less than 4 hours after arriving my bundle arrived.

I stayed in bed this morning. I woke earlier than planned and said hell no. I was in that twilight zone, not really asleep but dreaming. Ooof, what dreams. I feel much, much better. I’m not irritable at all. I feel reborn. I just needed to dream! I’ll keep my pdoc and see if I can get prn meds for sleep.

I don't get why they won't do hystrectomys on people who want them for mood swings and mental health in general. Its a literal life saver. But no, you need to be trans or have cancer and even that isn't a guarantee.

I'm doing fine today. No coffee for the first time in weeks and my stomach is fine for the first time in weeks. My mom says I look depressed. My moods are fine though.

I didn't want the epidural. Needle in my spine? Hell no! For me the whole labor and birthing process was just incredibly uncomfortable, not really painful. Honestly, I've had worse period pains. At least contractions only last a few minutes. Period cramps don't let up. I just found the whole experience gross and uncomfortable. Very gross.

I slept SO GOOD for the first time in months. and im not hung over at all. i slept til 9 am. im not irritable today

That's awesome! There is nothing like good sleep!

I'm in a pretty good mood today and slept well last night. Had a nice jog this morning and sauteed sausage, chopped onion & minced garlic for a 15 bean soup I will need to start in an hour or so. I even remembered to soak the beans overnight this time around

Just got finished dealing with the cats' litter. H prefers we order this one brand that is low-dust, and the litter itself is great, but it comes in a 40 lb. large bag. The only way to really deal with it for me is to parcel it out & scoop & fill 1 gallon ziploc bags first. It is such a pain.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

I am just frustrated for some reason. I don't know why.


I don't get what his issue is. Its something new he is doing. He is special needs.

But yeah I'm just kinda pissed right now.

I'm still tolerating my mild depression. I watched a new Ellen DeGeneres comedy special on Netflix. It was mildly amusing, pleasant. The audience kept roaring and i didn't think it was THAT funny, but i guess she has a big following. Still keeping up with walking my dog three times a day. Not sure how i am managing to get out of bed at 7:20am, but i seem to be doing it. Getting headaches tho.

"People don't like me when they first meet me. But after they get to know me they really can't stand me!"

Hugs to all in need!

So I'm getting rid of my SDit my mom and dad miss her to much. I'm not attached yet. Next summer or after my senior dog passes I'll try again. My parents are picking her and the kid up.

Went to my first hearing voices group meeting today. We all shared - one guy is schizophrenic and we talked about meds. I told him about my genesight test and he didn’t really understand how it works.

I was able to get a good amount done before depression stole my momentum today. One of the things was going to get my IV fluid treatment. I've decided infusion centers would be a great place for therapy dogs to be. I'm a dog person so always thought it would be cool if I one day ended up with a counselor or pdoc who had one at their office.

While waiting for my IV fluids to be done, I was thinking about how I feel like an imposter with both my bipolar diagnosis and my POTs diagnosis, sometimes telling myself that my symptoms aren't bad enough for me to be upset with either diagnosis, as if there is some cookie cutter version of each diagnosis that I have to fit in to. I know this is ridiculous to think, but I still struggle with it.

tryig to be productive today but the rain made me lazy lol i did read two chapters about motivational interviewing and cbt for school

Took a drive to the mall in the rain today. My partner bought a new scale because our one is bust. 3 weeks left off work and I’m not feeling any better!!! Depression and anxiety still at the forefront.

Busy week coming up. Monday my son’s OT comes here. It’s a pain because we’ve had to clean everything up. Tuesday we go to his paediatric appointment. Thursday I see my new psychologist. Hoping it’s good

Feeling kind of down about my big *** right now. 😞 I've surpassed the one-size-fits-all weight limit in tights.

At least Husband likes my big ***.

My hair is now black.

I'm feeling much better anxiety wise. I was taking Claritin for a good week straight for my allergies. 🤧 I stopped taking it because I thought maybe it was making me anxious like benadryl was. I guess it was. So I'm feeling much more like myself. I'm going to tell my therapist about the Claritin when I talk to her tomorrow. I'll just deal with the allergies!

Got three hours of sleep last night. 🌙 Four the previous nights. I always take an hour long nap in the morning though because my loxapine/seroquel combo makes me awfully sleepy.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday. ☺️ ❤️

I'm just going to clean like I usually do now (try to fix the vacuum because I somehow managed to break it putting it back together again!) and do some ezine stuff. Gotta get that up by tomorrow night! And it's a MONSTER 👻 of an issue!

Taking a break from the high dosage ambien. Got 2 hours of sleep, woke up from an anxiety dream. Funny in the dream I couldn’t sleep either, but I lived in a huge apartment in a big city and had live in help!

I didn't fall asleep until 11. I was up watching a bit of SNL. After that I fell into a deep sleep and I got up to use the bathroom around 3 and I fell asleep for a couple minutes while trying to use the bathroom and I started dreaming about politcs.

But I feel good at this moment but I always do in the morning. I'm really motivated to get back into shape. I've put on weight since getting sick and being on various meds. But all my family has now seen me and they haven't said anything. But anyways, I just feel like now I'm not hiding and can improve myself. Or some ****.

I’m having lunch with N2 today! I don’t see her that much even though she lives in the same town. She’s the one that’s picked me up from the psych hospital an hour away and took me too urgent care when I had Covid.

I had all three of my kids with different amounts of pain meds. With N1 I had an epidural at 7 cm. Took me two hours to push him out. I think I would’ve done better without drugs. With N2 I had a spinal at 10 cm! Useless! The snarky nurse said “You can take a NAP now!”! I pushed her out right there in 20 minutes. Because of these experiences I decided to go natural with N3. I even got pitocin in but nothing really hurt until I got well into transition and then there wasn’t even time to pick up the phone! I pushed for four minutes including stopping so they could get the cord from around his neck. Once he was out I felt this whoosh feeling and the whole room was bustling with people! I was meditating that deeply! It was an awesome feeling and I’m glad I went drug-free with him. In fact the NICU team was called because N2s breathing was so bad from the spinal!

Good morning! I got some Oreos with Orange crème in the middle for the Halloween season 😀

One of my cats woke me up earlier than I wanted to get up. So I got up at 7am even though I wanted to keep sleeping lol she was persistent.

I bought an iPad ! It will be my very first one. It’s a 9th generation one. Really excited to be able to watch movies and stuff on it. I prefer watching movies and shows etc on a tablet than on my phone or laptop. So it’ll be nice to have a tablet again. The case I got for it arrives today. The screen protector and actual iPad were delayed in transit so it’ll be a couple days till they get here.

I’m doing laundry right now. Mostly spending the day watch shows. Supernatural, Naruto, The Witcher. Might draw a bit later.

Feel pretty good though I am craving coffee and I ran out and am hoping the headache doesn’t start.

Bluebird that’s fun! An iPad! I got mine a year and a half ago. It was a Christmas gift.

Bluebird I LOVE my iPad. I've had it for years, maybe since 2015, 2016? I had another one before that, but on a visit to my inlaws in LA, I dropped it in the Pacific Ocean (along with my iPhone). Needless to say, I had to get both another phone & another iPad. Kinda put a damper on that visit to So Cal.

I'm still in the land of stability, pretty level & sleeping around 8 hr/night. I don't like how stability blunts my emotions (on the happy side mostly) though I guess in reality, I don't feel depressed either & of course, I'm not manic as well.

My life is starting to feel like that song "Every Day Is Exactly the Same" by Nine Inch Nails. I could change it up, drive to the beach or something since there is a nice beach an easy 15 min drive from my house and it doesn't get crowded once school is back in session. Or take my daughter clothes shopping because she needs new clothes. Or clean. I don't know why I tend to keep the same routine.

I really do need to clean, but I still have that scrape healing on my right hand from my face plant into the sidewalk last week. I fell last Monday, and this scrape still hurts like h*ll. So do the scrapes on my knees. I'm taking Tylenol every day for the pain and it dulls it slightly but not much. Really ready to feel better and stop downing Tylenol daily. I don't remember it hurting so much whenever I skinned my knees as a kid (and I skinned them a lot, mostly falling off my bike or jumping off things).

Ah well, all things considered, my life could be worse. At least I'm not depressed about things and reading is still fun & relaxing.

My groceries were delivered to someone elses house. So I had to call Walmart and get a refund. They are good about stuff like that and gave me a full refund. So now I have a pickup for 2PM. I was irritated about it but now that its all set up I'm fine. Someone got a nice bunch of groceries though. Because even if they called, Walmart would just tell them to keep them because of food safety reasons. Eh whatever.

I wish I knew how to snap out of this depression though.

I keep rubbing my face because of how frustrated I am right now with nothing in particular. Just life.

I think I'm going to have to stop the zofran again. Its just messing with my anxiety too much. I also just read that Pantropaloze can cause major depression in people. I'm still just sitting here rubbing my face in frustration with CNN on. I need to do something with my meds.

So they're gone. I'm not sleeping, irritated and confused. This is the first time my money is in sole my account and I've already spent like $350 and we haven't paid bills yet. I'm so ****ed. H doesn't know yet. I also spent all the EBT for the month. I kinda flipped out yesterday when everything was going wrong. Spent a ton, learned somethings but way over spent.

Spent the morning with the neighbor kids playing soccer. I try and talk to their parents during whatever causes half the town to run into each other some days, but I always say "fk this, I do NOT care to worry about random events I can't control," and end up projectiling a ball at a 9 year old. They love it (the parents are happy I'm not asking them questions that make them look dumb and the kids are happy someone's teaching them skills that may come in handy some day when they do not care to talk about things not fun to talk about and would rather run around with a pretty pink ball as well).

My med run person talked about helping me pack and other moving-related stuff with me this morning too, and said if I have a freak out and need to I can call her. I think they're trying to get me to think more about it so I do less procrastinating on everything and, well, actually plan and commit to this new place. I haven't signed any lease or paid the security deposit or given a move in date or anything. I haven't even seen a unit because it's being remodeled (will get a call when that's done to check it out), but it sounds like I'm for sure moving there. I just don't know if that's going to be within a month or within a year. I hate planning and prefer to pull things off spur of the moment (which is good and bad), but it's probably best I don't find out "ay, we can set up a move in date for next week" or whatever and I spend that entire week running around like one of those lions just learning to hunt that get confused when the group of gazelles splits off, and feeling like I'm doing a lot because I am using a lot of energy but slowing down and thinking about being efficient is a better method. I've been more able to do the latter lately (Ritalin?) just because I don't feel some sort of internal pressure to do everything as fast as possible (and screw it up because I'm doing it faster than possible). It's pretty nice.