Please help my future wife

I thought that.

But she might have to wait 20 years. He might live long. He sounds healthy as he is still working.

I am a little concerned that she had no problem using a man for money but as he gets older she runs to a younger man to depend on. She might have to take care of her husband in old age but she clearly isn’t planning to do that.

Well OP is also much older than this woman. Is she going to bail as soon as he gets older and might need to be taken care of? Will he be posting why did his wife moved out in secret to live with yet another man. In 15 years OP will be 80 and she will be way younger, in her 60s. Will she look for a new man?

I wonder what this woman has that makes men wanting to take her on. Most men nowadays want equal partners. But this woman gets fully supported by men with nothing in return. Not even a kiss, plus she cheats on them. It’s strange.

The real question is, how can i get a job like that?! Maybe you have to join a union.

Another question is, WHY would you marry someone thirty years your senior? That's just gross. It's even grosser if it IS just for the money. I mean, that means when she was ten he was like forty! Ew. Who does that? Not to be mean or anything. It just seems icky to me.

He's the healthiest 80 year old I've ever seen. Fit and trim, his mind is clear, and in better health than most of us. That MF will live to be 100.

But I wouldn't want to be him. Fit and smart, lots of money, but his man-parts don't work. Prostate problems. He has no sexual desire or function, and they haven't even kissed since they met 15 years ago.

Now I have to say she just sounds like a real piece of work.

You need to move on.

I agree with this. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be mean, but marrying someone thirty years your senior just for money seems kind of icky.

well i can only speak from experience, i too have bipolar with anxiety and i do procrastinate ALOT and the thing that we have found works is to just do it! like dont tell her what youre doing just start moving stuff. when he does that to me at first i get mad and tell him to take me home but he always finds an excuse and so i kinda have to go along with it.I hope you figure out a way to help her

I'm taking all this advice to heart, and I appreciate your efforts to help me. We'll see.

Thank you, and I'll keep you all posted on my progress.

You only know from her that they didn’t kiss since the day they married. That’s likely a lie.

Wait what??? Men parts don’t work. Man is 80! What did she expect? So that’s a good reason to dump him? How gross. She has no values. One day you’ll be old and possibly not able to have that part work either. Would that be a good reason to dump you? There is more to life. This woman is a disgrace.

I was just talking with a coworker who is a wonderful woman but has hard time finding a good man. And here is a liar with no values not only get men one after another, they are willing to fully support her. Unbelievable.

Lol I’ve been always in the union and I work so much that I barely have any life. I must be doing something wrong.

>> She has been with him for 15 years, so he was 65 when they first got together. His man-parts had not worked properly since before then. He was looking for a young wife, and she was terrified of the responsibilities of living alone. She was a gal he could take to the casinos and he was her financial security. Its always been this way.

Now she is sober, and older, and her values have changed. She would rather be with a poor(ish) man that loves her and can give her the full life that she needs.

If they've never had sex because his d*ck didn't work, why'd she marry him? Just for his money? So she married a much older man she didn't love and could never be intimate with just for his money?

And now she wants to be with you because her values have supposedly changed and is saying her bipolar is preventing her from leaving this much older man? It kind of sounds like she's using that as an excuse. I mean, she has money right now from that much older man, is taken care of, and now she gets to have her intimacy needs met by you. Why should she change? She has it made (if money is all you really care about and don't care about cheating on your husband whose d*ck doesn't work).

If her values have changed, she’d not be conducting secret affairs and planning to dump a man with no warning. There’s no evidence of a positive change in values at all. Maybe she started value “men parts” more, but that’s not change of values

Some men might develop impotence at 65. It says nothing about their value as humans. There’s more to life. So now she’s sober and values “men parts” more? And chooses you because of your men parts? Why are you selling yourself so short. Why do you want to be with a woman like that?

I'm thinking that relationships come in all forms. Some marriages are open, so I'm not judgemental about the adultery aspect of this situation.

Having expressed that, I go on to wonder why the only solution is that she move in with you and marry you.

Is that just for convenience to eliminate the long commute? Suppose you were next door neighbors and you could get together in under 30 seconds. Would that be enough? If not, why not?

>>You people have given me much to think about. All of your comments have value to me, whether I agree with them or not.

When she married him, she was terrified of living alone. He offered safety and security and she was younger then. Younger , prone to self-medication, and with fewer standards.

Now, older and sober, she's changed. No longer in it for the money. I don't have any.

In a perfect world, she would move out, and get a divorce, but she has been looked after for so long, she doesn't know how to live independently.

She wants to be normal. Genevieve wants to marry a normal man, do things like a normal woman, and do ordinary things on the weekend. But she doesn't know how.

Due to self-medication , poor judgement, and bipolar, she has made a LOT of bad decisions. Hell, so have I. We both want this to be our first really good major life decision.

Maybe we are making mistakes, but we are doing the best we can with what we have.

If she can get over her crippling fear of change (and trying to do this brings her to tears, tears of utter frustration with herself) we can move forward.

She believes this fear of change comes from bipolar. I also believe this, and I have research to back it up. But regardless of the reason for the fear, it is real.

Thank you!
Brian

Google "folie à deux."

You make a good major decision by building on first making good smaller decisions. Coming here for advice and then shooting down every single one of our suggestions - is that good decision making?

I know you said it doesn't matter, but please, PLEASE give us some sort of indication she has bipolar disorder! You say you've done research, but you're speaking to those of us who actually live it. While everyone presents differently, yes, there are still certain things we all share in common! So far it just sounds like she suffered from substance abuse. Has she ever experienced mania, hypomania, depression, a mixed episode?

You say you've done research. You should know what they are.

Crippling fear of change does NOT indicate bipolar disorder on its own.

Does she speak to her therapist about this fear of change she has? And why does she have it if you'll be taking care of her?

As raspberry pointed out you are talking to people who have bipolar and are living it. I’m 66 have lived with bipolar since I was 20, have been hospitalized multiple times and for long periods and have met many others who live with this disorder and have been in support groups for years both in real life and on line, never, not once did crippling fear ever come up. Not once. It’s not part of bipolar.

It can be a mental illness but it’s an anxiety disorder. Intense fear of change is called metathesiohopbia and can be helped with therapy. But it is not a part of bipolar and for you to say you have “researched” it is insulting. You want us to help her, we can’t that can only come from her seeking out help, and her asking for help.

Frankly I’m beginning to believe you are winding us up. Having us on.

I agree about open marriages. But it was previously stated that her husband has no idea about anything and it is all done in completely secrecy. If it’s done in secrecy, then it’s lying. And she’s not in danger. Why lie then? You don’t have to call it adultery or infidelity. Why is she living a lie?

>>Well, she has been medically diagnosed, and sees a psychologist who prescribes medication and is treating her as bipolar.

She usually suffers from mixed episodes. During mania, she rarely sleeps more than 2 hours, and while in depression she barely has the energy to move at all.

She speaks to her doctor about this fear of change, as well as her other symptoms , and her continually adjusts her medication depending on results.