Bipolar Check-in #83

Glad you slept @Nammu! I never function well went I can't sleep. I tried so many different things for sleep over the years, but Seroquel is the only thing that's worked well and consistently for me.

My mood seems to be heading down, down, down. Some fleeting SI thoughts today and more dissociation than normal. I'm hoping once I can get back into exercising regularly it might help my mood. Might be able to try pilates again tomorrow morning depending.

I have seen snow on our wild little mountains! I can't not!

My CM said it is very obvious I be manicking and she's telling my pdoc who was not in office today, grrr! I SHALL TAKE ALL THE SLEEPY MEDS AND SLEEPY TEA TONIGHT! (As safely as amount wise possible)(also FKING OUCH I BENT MY FINGER!)

Shawty, out. *mic drop*

edit: I think I'm gonna take a MSF break before potentially offensive stuff comes out. Not that I have any reason to just start aggressively insulting anyone here, I just don't want my triggering arse to start joking about stuff that shouldn't be joked about here.

Hip hip hooray for those lovely zetas! Sleep is a mircacle of all sorts, I would put money down that's a major reason for the improvement!

Thanks blueberry, I’m absolutely floored that I slept so long. Like I mentioned my eyes! My eyes don’t hurt! It’s fantastic. Even though today is grey, dark and cool, I feel good.

I’m sorry you are going down though. That’s not good. How’s your groin is it up for excercise? Can you call your sister and have a talk?

My profesor wants me to try to get disability accommodations for school so if im havig issus again i can have more time on assignments. idk if my psyd wll go along with that but i printed off the paper work.

wht do you talk about after being unstable for 3 -4months with your t? damage control? ive ruined my finances.. im praying my school loan refund comes inthis week bc idk how ill affford car insurance and rent without it due to having to take unpaid time off wokr last week due to all the flashbacks. im worried sick. and we had huge vet billwith out cat so our savings is down a considerable amount. i *could* borrow from it til i get loan refund. i havent been spending last couple weeks much thankfully. its jsut i had to leave work. i wish we werent so broke all the time. i cant wait fro my husband to start a better paying job. he graduated last december and im gettting tired of waiting for him to pass his certification exam. i mean come on and i have to tell him to study. we will never get ahead while im still in school if he doesnt take it serious. i still have til may before i graduate so i literally cant work any more hours with ssdi or ill get in trouble. i already wokr 20 at my job and 18-20 at practicum for free weekly. plus homwokr and regualr life chores. its a lot.

im feeling stressed. very stressed.

I finally really slept! I fell asleep watching a youtube video last night and slept 12-14 hours (I don't know when I fell asleep). I didn't wake up from a single nightmare or any other cause until 10 AM and I fell asleep immediately after I went to the bathroom then.

I finally don't feel so tired but my anxiety level has been really high all day for no reason I'm aware of. I have taken all my PRN Seroquel and the 2nd dose has not done anything. (Thank you btw to those who told me there were 25 mg Seroquel tablets. I think when my pdoc looked it up she looked at ER which doesn't have 25 mg tabs but IR does. I'll ask for some 25 mgs when I talk to her Friday). I don't understand why I'm so extremely anxious lately. Maybe my therapist can help me figure it out more tomorrow. I know some reasons but I don't think they are worth this much anxiety. Even stupid things like a hard level of my game make me anxious.


But I slept. And that is worth so much. ( @Nammu SO GLAD you got some good sleep too!)

Oh, yay! Rainbow 🌈 you got sleep too!

Well, Canadian Thanksgiving is over for another year. Not sure why it was so hard this year. Perhaps it was the cold weather and the return of my Winter depression. Because honestly i'm a vegetarian and don't want to eat a turkey dinner. I guess i just felt left out. The virtual Canadian Thanksgiving thread here was a comfort, so thanks to all who chimed in. Looking forward to one for Christmas.

@Nammu and @BeyondtheRainbow:

Glad to hear you got some quality zzzs. Good sleep makes us feel so much healthier!

Well…. Vraylar can cause mania. After only 4 days on the 3.0 dose I was having blackouts/memory loss and hyper pming that didn’t make sense and hyper emailing to my pen pal. I looked it up: Vraylar can cause mania. My Pdoc lowered my dose back down to 1.5 and I’m seeing her on Wednesday.

I managed the day on just one valium. I felt bad until I ate some carbs. Then I was fine for the rest of the day. My mom called the GI doc. They wanted her to call after it had been a week. She said I was doing fine on the new med. My nausea was fine, but I was still having some GI issues but that they were a lot better and she was in control of the med. So the nurse said to go ahead for another week. I think this med takes 2 weeks to fully work.

My mom came home and brought me groceries. A lot of bread, nuts, and pasta.

I need to turn on the heat.

I slept for 10 hours! That's the longest I have slept in a very long time - maybe the beginning of the year!

I was able to meditate today for about 10 minutes, which is good. It's a start. It's nice to look inwards without being interrupted.

My anxiety is still up but I think I'm getting a handle on it. I'm not controlling it, but I'm changing how I relate to it and I think it's helping. It's still too early to know for sure but I'm trying.

I went to the mall this morning and filled my car up with petrol.

Came home and started reading Stranger Beside Me about Ted Bundy. I battled to get into it because my mind kept wandering.

Going to pick up my son soon from school. Feels like the day is almost over and I haven’t even had dinner yet. My partner gets home late from work tonight which is a bugger because my son hates it when I have to put him to bed.

I'm so happy for all of you who were able to get some sleep! I was also able to-I unintentionally slept for about 12 hours, only waking up once or twice.

I was able to get a good amount done today. With tomorrow being the last day of fall break, I won't get everything on my list done. But, I can always work on some things after work later in the week or next weekend. I wrote a list of the things I must get done tomorrow. I was also able to video chat with my cousin, which was nice because we haven't talked in awhile.

My anxiety was up a bit this evening/tonight. Some of it is financial, trying to figure out the most financially responsible way to get the IVs I need and learning today that I have two more IV bills coming my way (I'm assuming $150 each). Thankfully, it's really easy to set up a payment. plan with the medical system my doctor is through.

Scary psychiatrist lady actually called me today and left me a message. Have to call her back tomorrow around noon. I'm scared. 😱 I don't want her to get pissed at me for going back on my normal doses of Lamictal and sertraline without asking her first, but I was really spiraling downwards and felt so bad. I feel much better now that I'm back on my normal doses. Back to my cheery self. Moral of story: don't fukk with the sertraline! Keep the sertraline where it's at, or you'll end up bawling your eyes out on the kitchen floor circa midnight, with your poor husband trying to console you.

I was feeling quite bold yesterday morning and for some reason decided it was a good idea to text pics of Daughter's birthday to my mom. I don't know why. But the end result was that somehow I managed a get together planned with them at a Mexican restaurant at 5:30PM on Thursday night. Ugh. Why did I have to be so bold? I didn't know what to do though! My mom kept on inquiring about our schedule and hanging out and then asked if I wanted to Thursday night. I chose our favorite Mexican restaurant and asked them if they wanted to meet there, instead of going to their depressing dwelling where we'd be on their turf. I'm a fool!!! I should have come up with some excuse why Thursday night wouldn't work. ANYTHING. But I didn't for some reason. I have to text my therapist tomorrow!!!

Though for some reason I'm feeling kind of calm about the whole situation. I don't know. Right now I can't look past Wednesday night and the KMFDM show! Yay!!