Bipolar Check-in #83

I met the most caring and empathetic gp today. Turns out she knows my psychiatrist they used to work together! She wants to help me on my recovery to wellness and wants to see me every second week. She noticed my hands were shaking because I was nervous. She asked if I get heart palpitations and I said yes. She is going to give me meds next time to help with that. I’m seeing her on Tuesday for a double session. Such a sharp contrast to to the old gp I used to see where I could barely wait to get out his office!

KMFDM show was a lot of fun. 😁 Dinner with my parents was pleasant enough. My mom behaved herself, even after drinking a margarita. When we got home I started sneezing and my eyes started running and I couldn't stop blowing my nose, so I'm having an allergic reaction to something. 🤧 Took two benadryl but my nose is still itchy and I have a massive headache, and I think I'm going to sneeze again.

I never did get in contact with my psychiatrist and she only works Monday through Wednesday. Oh well. I have an appointment with her next week, and I have my usual therapist appointment tomorrow morning. I can't wait to tell her how bold I was feeling with reaching out to my mom and actually meeting them for dinner! She's going to be shocked! She wants to take me out for gelato tomorrow morning, before it gets too cold out, since I've never tried it before.

@Nammu

Makes sense your anxiety is better now that you're on the Seroquel. Seroquel helps with anxiety. I know it's supposed to be my main antipsychotic but I lump it in with my other anxiety meds, since it helps so much with that. 100mg and half hour to forty-five minutes later and I'm cool as a cucumber! It's great! Works better than my benzo.

First, a good thing: My students grasped today's task better/faster than past years have-I'm very proud of them!

Otherwise, what a day. I completely shut down when I got home. Long story short, there were a few stressful things at work and extreme irritability kicked in for a bit in the afternoon. When I got home, I just crashed and numbed out all night. Then, I remembered what my counselor gave me about reflecting on what I can control vs can't and somehow found the strength to do some of the things I would normally do, for my nightly routine, before I head to bed.

I was able to pick up the new birth control pill. I ended up having to pay with GoodRX (Kind of, the pharmacy isn't contracted with them so it was more than the GoodRX website said but less than if I didn't use it). I had to do this because they said I owed $72 otherwise. With the discount, I paid $35 for a three month supply, so not to bad all thing considered. I risked it and took my first dose tonight, even though I work tomorrow, in case it can help stop this mood episode that's trying to sneak in. If things get bad enough, I'll take an extra mg of risperidone for a few days to help ease things.

Here's hoping for no side effects with this birth control (or, at least manageable ones)!

I'm coughing badly and my throat hurts. I'll have to take a test in the morning.

I had 2 dreams where I was a kid and had to clean up giant messes before I could go out. Also I had a dream where my 35 year old sister was dating this man in his 50's and I don't know if his name was George or Azz pronuced ***. Lol.

my husband set the heat to 80 and iw oke up drenched insweat and had to turn it down. like hes the one who pays the electric so why is he settign it so high? put on a hoodie. i freeze 24/7 and use sweats and a blanket to keep warm. i dont turn th heat up blazing. then he turned on muisc while he was getting ready mind you over and hour before i had to get up. im so aggravated with him lately. last night he said hed be home at 9. it was 10. eh didnt even call. i im so tired from wakin up so early bc of him

I'm scared my psychiatrist meeting won't go well. Or I'll have to wait a while for a visiting nurse. I need meds in me fast. I just don't know what to say to convey the urgency without triggering a hospitalization. And why do my wrists have to feel tight, ****. I often go mute with this pdoc.

Totally understand. When seroquel was my primary AP for a few weeks it was hell. It made me feel like I had dropped acid without the fun parts and I couldn’t function at all. It did make me sleep for 12 hours which was welcome but the side effects just weren’t worth it. I have it still as a prn for when I absolutely need to catch up on sleep, but I’m very careful to make sure I don’t have to do much the next day (so weekends). The hangovers are hell; it makes me useless. I’m both terrified and enamored by the drug at the same time.

My mood is pretty okay so far. Pretty tired though. I got up at 4 and figured I'd take a shower, so I did, but I passed right out as soon as I got out and my mom got a kick out of how my hair looked.

My aunt in Georgia enjoyed looking at my pictures of the snow. Playing with ideas of my next big hike. I'm thinking either the Twins or Isolation for the NH48.

Just got back from therapy appointment. She brought up an interesting theory about why the sertraline decrease would destabilize me so quickly. With my old psychiatrist I had a lot of control over my med changes. New psychiatrist, not so much, so Therapist thought maybe I was upset about that. I don't think my therapist's theory is correct 🤔, but it's still interesting. I really miss my old psychiatrist. My therapist was quite proud of me for meeting my parents on neutral territory and taking control of the situation. She cautioned me not to take things too fast though and to still work on that letter to my mom, which I plan on doing later today.

Still having my allergic reaction, though not as bad as last night. Took two benadryl again. Seems to be helping a little bit, though I still have a massive headache and no Tylenol. May walk to the store later to buy some. It's a nice day out!

Told my therapist I prefer winter over summer because in the summer I feel like a wilted flower 🥀, and she said she wasn't surprised. Lol.

The rapid covid test was negative. But I feel like complete crap and my mom still does so I went over to immediate care for a legit covid test. I'm waiting for the results. On the way home I got a call from the doctors asking if I wanted to be in their covid/flu/rsv study and I'd get $100. So I said yeah whatever. So I'm going next week. Idk why they asked me, but its $100 I could use.

Now I'm just in bed feeling crappy but I did take a hot shower

I also wanted to go to immediate care because I was a bit worried about my chest pains. But she didn't mention my blood pressure being high and she said my lungs were fine.

Good afternoon. I had a good day so far. I went to the food pantry and got some food. Definitely needed it. Then I took a nap. It’s cold outside. I have my heat on. Not much else going on today. Need to take a shower at some point. I’m glad the weekend is about to start. Gonna try to do some art and violin practice.

I emailed a community college about a program I’ve been interested in for a while. One of the programs prerequisites is intro to algebra, and I’ve done three calculus courses but those were elsewhere over 8 years ago so I hope either they count or I can test out or something.

Taking my son to swimming lessons this morning. Will probably go visit my partners dad who has now moved from hospital into respite this afternoon. Will then go visit his mother at her place afterwards.

Been raining so much here yesterday our back garden is practically flooded. There’s an issue with the drainage. We’ve had plumbers out here to have a look and if we had to fix it properly we’d be looking at $10,000. Don’t have that kind of money so flooded garden it is.

On Monday I’m going for a skin check up and I hope I don’t have to get naked. Just started my period today. I have very heavy periods sorry tmi and have to use double protection (pads and tampons). I can’t cancel now it’s Saturday and they’re not open. Uhhhhhh.

Much better day today. Have all the windows open (even though it's a bit on the nippy side), and a wonderful candle going, while eating my own Scooby Snacks my boyfriend gave me! (see below).

Thanks @BeyondtheRainbow and @Blue_Bird for the congratulations on the new job. It's just part-time, and my candle shop job is part-time too - don't want to push myself or work too much because of fear of losing my disability. I can probably handle it being out of the hospital for almost two years, but still, I am not a 100% yet.

Feeling really good today. Got all dressed up and going out tonight, nothing too fancy, but actually doing something fun with some friends. Starting to accept myself more, and not feeling as bad about my weight as I used to be months ago. The thyroid medicine seems to FINALLY be working, I take another blood test next month to see if there will be another increase, she has increased it 5 times so far; she said it had to be gradual even though I am very impatient.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Friday. I went out today in a dress and blazer and froze my butt off; I love weather like this, but I gotta wake up and realize it's not summer anymore, lol. I keep getting flashbacks of the days I used to walk around NYC in shorts in November - lol, (I was also much younger too).

Gonna drop a selfie, only cause I am starting to feel confident again. Also booked my trip to California to be with my boyfriend for his birthday. Good days are finally here again.

@LadyShadow you are gorgeous!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch @LadyShadow you are gorgeous!

Awwww @Crazy Hitch , thank you so much!!

@LadyShadow What a beautiful picture!

@Nammu My pdoc used to prescribe me 25 mg Seroquel for anxiety and it definitely does help.

I've been feeling better today and not so dead tired as I was yesterday. I've been able to do pilates this week; exercise always has had a positive effect on my mood.

This morning, my daughter & I got our flu & COVID vaccines. After lunch, I went to the library with my daughter and found some good used books for cheap at The Friends of the Library book sale. We stopped at Starbucks for frappucinos on the way home.

hello everyone new to this thread. hope that everyone is doing okay and wishing you all the best. I am not entirely sure how this works yet. I've been a little mixed today and yesterday, hoping to show myself more compassion and be aware of my patterns

I have a real bad constant cough and my blood pressure is 130/92 and I'm blowing blood out of my nose. I still haven't heard back about the covid test. My mom is making me some tea with honey. She feels much better. She thinks I just need to sleep. I don't think this is an ER situation.

I went to urgent care with a bad cough and a stuffy nose. Tested positive there.

It was a beautiful day and i was stuck inside waiting on a meds delivery, feeling anxiety. They finally came at 7:00pm. Hate that. I stood on my balcony after in the early dark just to get some fresh air and noticed we have a beautiful moon tonight, clear and bright. That cheered me up some.

I went in my support group's ZOOM social hour this afternoon and found it unpleasant and quit. I also found the six o'clock local news unpleasant and quit. So it was a grumpy, cranky day. But i feel some better now. Well, i guess i can't expect much from a day spent waiting inside, feeling anxiety.

ETA: I went for a walk. It was good to get out of the apartment. The cold night air was refreshing. My dog enjoyed it too. It was a full moon last night. Now it is just slightly waning. This phase of the moon is called "Waning Gibbous," pronounced "jibus." It's "The Hunter's Moon," the largest and brightest of the four supermoons, as it is closest to Earth.

LA LUNA!!! LA BELLA LA LUNA!!!!! Now i understand why wolves howl at the moon! I'm going to try howling at the next full moon November 15th!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome.

@ghostsinthehouse:

Welcome to the bipolar check-in thread! Most of us just drop in here once a day and say how our day has gone re our bipolar. You can start a new thread yourself if you have a specific issue to address. Compassion is good! Welcome!

I did end up practicing violin. Practiced the G major scale, g major scale broken thirds and a couple songs (jingle bells and a song from the anime show Naruto). I’m happy with how those really high quality new strings my friend got me sound. They sound really good.

I also got on the treadmill for 30 minutes and took a shower. Then a laid there on the couch even though I wasn’t tired and went to sleep because I didn’t have much energy and didn’t feel up to actually doing anything so I kind of forced myself to sleep. I kept trying to listen to audiobooks or watch a show or something but I I couldn’t focus. My mood wasn’t bad I just felt kind of numb.

Now I’m up and feeling refreshed and better at almost 9:30pm but I’m waiting on a caffeine withdrawal headache to go away. It actually might not be that. It might be from too much sleep. Often if I oversleep I wake up with a headache.

Tomorrow I have a few errands to run. And doing my typical stuff. Violin, art, treadmill. May have to clean a bit too. Then Sunday I have my volunteer shift with the rescue cats.

Here’s som pics of my cats. Mustachio trying to help with my violin practice and mocha eating his breakfast

Hunters moon has been beautiful and large the last three nights. Wednesday and Thursday the moon appeared in my right window, tonight it was in my left window. Now almost out of sight. Kind of disappointing that it won’t be a full moon on Halloween 🎃 but it’s been beautiful these last couple of days.

I made it up in plenty of time for my trip to the dentist. All that driving and the appointment took 15 minutes. Got back and played a few rounds of 10,000. Got better instructions today on what is entailed on Monday or Tuesdays vist from the electric company. I need to push all my furniture along the wall into the room so they can move the fire detector a few feet. The detector is hard wired into the building so they have to lay wires along the ceiling. What a pain in the arse. This is all in preparation to sweep out the vents in the kitchen. They did the bathroom vents a few weeks ago. The building is about 50 years old so does need it. They do maintain it very well but it’s a pain. This being a senior building it’s really a huge pain as most of us have mobility issues of one sort or another. So this is a huge ask. While I was playing 10,000 there was a heated discussion going on. The president of the building trying to find able bodied people that could help those too infirm to move their furniture. She means well and does get stuff done but some just prefer their presidents to be quiet. I stayed out of the fray. But some people really need the help. The building is in an uproar though.