Bipolar Check-in #83

I only did one load of laundry today. But that's better than none. I will do more tomorrow. I just don't have the energy to get the first load folded and the 2nd into the dryer or folded. And if I don't take care of the 2nd load immediately I'll forget to get it out of the dryer until I need something from it or have another load for the washer but will have to delay that load to re-wash this load. It's just good that I have this load done because I can survive with just it for several more days if I have to.


I may try to load the dishwasher. That really needs done too but we'll see how my motivation is. I hate mixed episodes because I know what I need to do but everything is an internal struggle. Not one thing is easy.


I have another (but not as bad as 2 nights ago) migraine and that is affecting my decision too.

I’m not getting my email. I’d planed to go to the library and get my book and see if I could straighten up my email on their computer but I forgot my password. I did manage to go to Walmart and get my tea. Didn’t do much else today. Just read and watched tv. Beautiful day, cool but not cold. Monday I’ve got to get up and make it to the DMV for my DL. I keep forgetting, I’m running out of days.

Sleep is good. Don’t want to change anything. But very nervous about the election. That does give me nightmares, only I’m awake. To that end I’m avoiding the news, both on tv and online. Watching some ridiculous movie from 1953. It’s hilarious how serious it takes itself.

Beautiful weather. Took my son to the beach and I ate at a cafe. I had a glorious salad with lamb cutlets. Cooked to perfection. I bought some beef jerky and mixed nuts to snack on. What I really felt like buying is cookies or lemon meringue pie but no I’m being good. So just when I thought I’d dropped 2kg since Wednesday, my partner stood on the scale this morning and he tells me it’s not accurate his weight is too low. Sigh. Now I don’t have any clue

I started taking dramamine again today and its been working like magic for my GI issues. I think my Elavil and Zofran are causing a lot of paranoia and anxiety so I'm thinking of just taking my pantropaloze and the dramamine.

I have the heebie jeebies real bad right now. I keep hearing noises and its freaking me out. I'm doing some stress grocery shopping.

But my covid is pretty much 100% gone. My brother is still testing postive, but I'm all good. What a crappy 8 days though.

I am really really panicky right now. I think its just the wind outside. But it sounds weird. I feel like I'm gonna majorly freak out.

I slept for about 12 hours last night and got a few things done. I had a good momentum, but then let it fall through the cracks. Losing momentum is on me this time-I fell into the habit of just being on my phone/not doing much that formed in the last hear as I've been trying to get my physical and mental health in order. The temptation is to beat myself up for it, but that won't do any good. I just have to accept the consequence that I now have a good amount I have to get done tomorrow. I'll set my alarm for earlier than originally planned with the goal of getting out of bed by 8 am.

I made it to lunch with my friend. I've been struggling to connect with this friend. She has me on a bit of a pedestal and had admitted (many times) that she doesn't see me as young (she's 30 years older than me). I suck at confrontation so haven't had the guts to point out that this isn't a good thing-it means she isn't seeing me as I am. She also has been dumping on me a lot lately-I can tell she saves up things she doesn't want to talk to others about and then dumps in all on me as soon as we sit down. I'm glad she feels comfortable with me, but the conversations aren't as evenly balanced as they used to be. I notice myself pulling away from her, but I think I've been doing that in general so it's hard to know exactly why that's happening.