Bipolar Check-in #83

@Blueberrybook

Oh I see. That sucks. I don't see why just 25mg prn is adding that much more. I take 300mg scheduled and 100mg prn, but end up taking the prn everyday, especially as of late because I'm stressed out.

Get on your hands and knees and BEG him! I would. Lol.

Since adding the 25mg of seroquel back into my med box I’ve been getting the sleep I need. Today I was up after 8 hours of sleep but went back to bed after just two hours and didn’t get up until 2pm. It was glorious. For my breakfast at 3 pm I had a sweet potato and ham. I’m still not very sociable yet. Preferring to just watch tv or read to getting together with people. But I believe that will improve as I settle into a better sleep routine. I can’t believe I forgot to put the seroquel in my box! I honestly thought the med had pooped out already. Just three days now and what a difference. Sleep is so important.

2 more hours till I can take my night meds then hopefully an hour or two after that I can fall asleep. Every little noise is making me paranoid while at the same time making me feel irrationally angry

The owner of the cottage accepted us staying there over Christmas! It’s a 5 minute walk to a swimming beach and a 5 minute drive to the next town that has all amenities. We’re allowed pets too so we’re taking our Labrador. It’s so perfect! 🤩

@Blueberrybook

Hi! Sorry to bother you again, but clonazepam was making you forgetful? Have you tried any other benzos? Clonazepam turned me into a moron. So did alprazolam. I take diazepam now however - 30mg a day scheduled - and it hasn't affected my cognitive functions at all. I wanted my old psychiatrist to wean me off it because I knew I was going to get some ignoramus psychiatrist in the future who would take me off it in like a month or something, but he said no. He said my anxiety was severe and that I needed to be on a benzo.

Anyway, so maybe a different benzo wouldn't make you forgetful? Something to bring up at your appointment too?

I don't see why he won't prescribe it again either. He prescribed it before but that was as I weaning off clonazepam, and at some point he stopped it, and I must have been at a point of having fewer panic attacks and less anxiety at the time. I have taken 400 mg Seroquel in the past though it was a previous pdoc who prescribed it. I dragged a bit more in the AM since that was all a night dose, but I'd take dragging a bit to panic attacks any day.

I was on such a good routine with sleep for awhile. Idk how this happened. I didn’t even skip my meds which is what usually causes this , I took them. I promised myself I would never pull an all nighter again, it wasn’t really intentional though I just couldn’t calm down enough to sleep, I was feeling good and hyped up. I know it’s just one night but an entire 36 hours without sleep sucks and is so destabilizing mentally.

@Blue_Bird
I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight. Not sleeping is miserable.

Thanks everyone for your condolences. We're holding the funeral on Monday.

I'm sleeping 2-3 hours a night. This is becoming too much! I'm stopping the Rexulti. I'm really stressed because of everything and lack of sleep.

Just taking things one at a time.

Another quiet day. I watched a comedy special and just chuckled a few times. I guess i'm finding it hard to laugh. Not much energy or hope.

ughim so over homework. i just did like 6 hours of homewokr. i had t watch a disney film as 2 hours of it. encanto. was cute. we had to analyze the family for family systems.

now im tiiiiiired!!!

I just got my highest score in Scrabble GO ever 579! The day was redeemed! I really tried hard and got the plays.

I'm restless and can't concentrate. I feel like texting my angry, scary mother and just confronting her and finally asking her why she dislikes my husband so much. We've been together since 2001. At my appointment my therapist couldn't understand why my mom couldn't just be happy for me because I have a husband who has stuck by me all these years and we obviously love each other very much, and we have a wonderful daughter together.

I just want to know WHY. My mother makes me so... INFURIATED.

She wants to go to Daughter's orchestra concert in January, but I'm not inviting her because my daughter doesn't want her to come.

As I type this, it's raining outside! The sound is the perfect background noise for me while I catch up on posts. It sounds like it's a pretty good downpour out there.

The last two days have been okay. Work really knocked me out POTs wise yesterday so I was in bed at 7 pm, fell asleep around 8:30 pm or 9:00 pmm and didn't get up until around 9:30 am this morning. It helped enough where I was able to get some stuff done today, so that's good. It's clear the snowbirds are back because traffic has been heavier again when I'm out and about.

My mood was a little off for some of today, mainly because I had a couple of scary things happen back to back while I was running errands so that through me off for a bit. But, getting out for a walk and getting some grading done has helped me feel a little better. It's about 6:30 pm here-outside of maybe folding laundry, I plan on relaxing for the rest of the night.

I'm looking into volunteering for my local chapter of the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. I don't know a ton about them, but signed up for a Volunteers 101 zoom session they have later this month to see if it's something I'd like to do/would be able to get involved with.

She ate, drank, when outside, took her medicine 2x, got on my bed twice, got on the couch several times, peed on it, went through the trash, even squished her ball some. I'm so happy! Yesterday she was just laying and crying today she's great.

Now do I take the captyla that I just got?

For at least a week my tongue has been numb. I thought maybe it was a new brand of flouride from the dentist or some weird thing from the high clozaril levels. Turns out it's probably the clozaril and I've been rubbing my tongue on the roof of my mouth and my top teeth unconsciously. Better than having it visible that I'm doing this but not good. I'm becoming scared I'm going to wind up IP for a med transition. I can't imagine going off clozaril because it really does work for me but keeping the level right is challenging.


I guess I'll know Monday when I talk to my pdoc.

@HALLIEBETH87 my therapist used to teach counseling and he used Everyone Loves Raymond for family systems.


Encanto is really cute.

@Victoria'smom I think you should take the Caplyta. You need a med of some kind and hopefully this will work. You've been without meds for too long and you need to feel better.

@Victoria'smom

I agree with BeyondtheRainbow. Take the med.

Damn it. I'm too freaked out to sleep, even after taking my night meds 🌙, which I took at 9PM! My head fcking hurts. I know it's stupid of me to be wasting so much energy freaking out about this. I voted. What else can I really do? Nothing.

Im so tempted to text my mom. Right now.

No. DO NOT TEXT YOUR MOM, RASPBERRY. That would be a very bad idea!

I can't sleep and have stress chest pains, so I took a melatonin and a seroquel, but that was an hour ago and I'm still not sleepy! In fact, I've never felt more awake in my life. I feel like I just took a steroid or something, instead of a seroquel and a melatonin! I'm listening to the new Cure album (which is quite good by the way) trying to calm down.

I think I'm going to just lay here in the dark for a while. It's raining outside and nice and toasty warm in our bedroom and I can't really concentrate or calm down enough to do anything productive anyway. I want to write. I'm feeling the creative urge. ✨️ Which is great! Means I'm on an upswing.

Cool! For my example I used Roseanne lol the doesn’t matter clip. It’s so funny

@raspberrytorte - I was on alprazolam for awhile, and that really helped, got taken off it, don't know why and started on clonazepam. I haven't tried any other benzos. I am going to beg pdoc for something at my next appt. Maybe at a lower dose, I wouldn't be so forgetful on clonazepam. I had been up to 4 mg a day when the forgetfulness got bad.

@BeyondtheRainbow I have that thing with my tongue too, constantly moving it in my mouth or if I stick it out. Fortunately for me it's not so bad it makes my tongue numb. In my case, the Seroquel causes it. When I've been off Seroquel, it goes away.

I'm doing okay this morning but I've had 3 panic attacks already today Some of it is this election. I mean, I'm worrying about it even when I'm trying to fall asleep! I've even dreamed about it though fortunately I dreamed Harris won. And I just have a lot of holiday stuff coming up - an early Thanksgiving with my extended family, Thanksgiving day with the family of one of my daughter's friends, my daughter's birthday, Christmas with my extended family, going to see Christmas lights with my daughter's friend's family, Christmas Day, and the anniversary of that sexual assault, not to mention ending up in the psych hospital this time of year the past 2 years in a row. It's overwhelming.

I tried to relax by doing a gentle pilates video, and it helped while I was doing it, but the effect wore off pretty quickly. I wish I could get this anxiety under control!

Anxiety really is a bytch. I'm not a big fan of the holidays either. I would be, if I could just spend it with my husband and daughter and not extended family. I find it overwhelming, with my young niece and nephew and their two loud dogs, and my husband's mom's house is kind of small, and I'm naturally a introvert, so it's really draining for me having to be so social. I usually end up leaving early.