Bipolar Check-in #83

So I'm doing better, I guess. I start medication Friday. I see sucky pdoc Friday too. I go to the doctor tomorrow. My hair once again needs to be cut. I threw all my money towards my credit card to hopefully spike my credit score. We have to do the same with h credit. The broker is still fighting the housing authority to give us the apartment. So we'll know by Friday. My therapist wants to talk about me not leaving my room or the house.

I’ve decided I’m going to bite the bullet and go buy a scale this morning. Our scale in our bathroom is not accurate if I go by my gps scale. I’ll try not weigh myself every day (tempting) but rather do it once a week instead. I’ve looked at a few online but they’re pricey even though they’re on special. Ughhh.

Am I depressed after mania? I made a post about it

So I found a scale for $55 but they were having a special for members marked down to $20. So I quickly signed up lol.

I’m worried about my 5 year old son. Every day this week has been a struggle to get him to school. He cries every morning and says he doesn’t want to go. He says he’s being bullied. Kids are calling him ugly, poor a “sook” (someone who sulks when they don’t get their own way). Thing is I don’t know if my son is doing anything to draw attention to himself. None the less I’ve left a message with the school asking his teacher to please ring me. Hopefully we can put an end to this because it’s not nice having to drag him out the car every morning …

I felt grim this afternoon but i just told myself that it's just a little mild depression and it was easier to bear. I played Scrabble most of the day. Had some good games. It's getting dark early already and there is the time change on Sunday, so it'll be even earlier. Then the election on Tuesday. I'm Canadian but our country is allied so closely with the US i am still concerned about it.

So glad I see my t tomorrow

But at same time idk what tell anyone irl the thoughts im having

@JaneOnceMore

I'm so anxious about the election and what's going to happen it makes me feel nauseous. 🤢 Seriously, like I just want to puke. I'm happy we voted already so that day we can just drop our daughter off at school and pick her up and spend the rest of the day at home!

I wish we were allowed to talk about politics on here. 😔

@Crazy Hitch

Sorry to hear about your son. That really sucks. He's only five and he's already being bullied? That's really young. Poor kid. I hope you get it figured out.

@raspberrytorte:

The guidelines say to "limit your discussion of politics." It doesn't say you can't mention them at all. Sorry to hear you have such anxiety re the election. I can't believe Elon Musk is supporting Trump. I thought he had more sense than that. I caught the end of Kamala Harris' speech today. I thought she did very well. She seems reasonable, well-balanced, passionate, and genuine.

The doctor wants me on a steroid for my cough and if I can't handle that then an antibiotic. The steroid is Presidone its not the pack of pills like before. I've been on it before and its not a great time buts it manageable. Its just this dumb phlegm that keeps clogging up my throat. I can cough some of it out but mainly its just stuck and I am doing this weird *** wheezing thing.

She claims you can't have pnemunoia or anyrhing without a fever.

Not sure if this whole spacing out of anti-anxiety pills, that my psychiatrist recommended, is working out for me. I was going through awful diazepam withdrawal around 6PM. Usually I take 20mg around 1PM. So I ended up taking a diazepam. Then earlier I was going through some awful seroquel withdrawal because I'm used to taking 50mg in the AM and 50mg at noon. I was shaking and wanted to rip my face off, so I ended up taking 100mg of seroquel so I'd stop shaking and felt better once that kicked in.

I don't know. My anxiety has skyrocketed because of the election on Tuesday. I'm freaking the fck out about it, and I know it's a pointless thing for me to waste my energy on. I voted. I did my part. What else can I do?

I'm hoping everything will be fine. I'm sure it will be. It's just that a certain group of followers/supporters REALLY scare me.

Just in a state of absolute exhaustion. OMG. I told my job that I get health insurance, so I don't want to go over a certain amount of money a month - they understood. It's better, I can't give up my benefits if I am not offered full-time. But looking ahead at this week, it all feels so overwhelming. Going to my friend's daughter's baptism tomorrow night, and a full packed Halloween ahead! Going to get all dressed up as a gypsy. Will post a pic later! Then when I get home from work, I am going trick or treating with my friend and her 5 kids - lol - it should be an adventure - I plan on bringing her kids all the candy I bought, I doubt anyone will come around my neighborhood that night.

Overall - I just wish I could rest. As tired as I am, it feels so hard to sleep, and I have to get up SO early these days, ugh. @Crazy Hitch - I feel your pain with the weight loss; it was such an obsession of mine too. I don't know what it is, but I have been becoming more accepting of my overall "fatness" I am still working on the blood tests and medicine with my doctor to see if my thyroid levels have finally normalized. But it's a real struggle, I totally get it - especially when the scale just REFUSES to move.

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday - I can't believe it's going to be 80 degrees here tomorrow. I really miss Fall in NYC.

@LadyShadow you’re right it is a kind of obsession. I jumped on the scale once today when I unboxed my scale and I’m holding myself back from jumping on it again today lol

It was eighty here today, so not normal for this time of year.

As for the election anxiety I’m trying to focus on Halloween first and I ignore news of it all for the most part. I do watch late night tv and they do joke about it, it does make it somewhat easier to read. Tuesday I don’t intend to turn tv on at all. I have my hopefully last dental appointment then I’m reading a book all day and gonna play 500 that night.

Today's weather was perfect where I live! I had a lovely walk outside today and am looking forward to more walks throughout the week. A lot of students are starting to wear sweatshirts which means there will be less uniform violations because they can hide their untucked shirt under their sweatshirt.

For the second day in a row, I've had something trigger a stress response in me. Today's thing wasn't at work at least. It's such a weird spot I'm in: I don't like/want the emotional stress I have, but also don't want to do the counseling work to get rid of it because feeling what I would need to feel would be to much and a history of trauma has me not trusting the possibility of things getting okay and staying okay. I've definitely got some despair going on and I just don't know how to let go of it because it doesn't feel emotionally safe to do so. Emotions are so weird.

The weather has been off the chain lately. It’s high 70’s here.

Mom and I have plans to quit watching the news Friday, turn notifications off and stay busy November 5-8 away from the house. I’m anxious about this result as well.

I’m worried sick over this election in a way I never have been before

It's supposed to almost reach 70 today, and about 80 tomorrow (although I saw a pic from a VT news station showing a view of my old home ski area which had a bunch of snow, and the weirdest part was that you could actually see those 30 miles)!

I'm not entirely sure if I'm losing weight faster than I should be.

I cancelled therapy today and they're delivering my meds because I was kinda sick yesterday and I wasn't sure if I'd be worse today. I'm better though, so that's good.

I'm looking at this election as if I were part of a research project where we all have our hypotheses and hopes and curiosities, but other than doing my part in following the methodology, I just gotta be patient for the results. (I'm voting in person, there's like 10 people in my town who probably appreciate my vote more than my pretty face, so it shouldn't be too much of an issue)

Good morning. I slept alright. 6 1/2 hours. Tired though from my morning meds. I have a dentist appointment today, one of my crowns popped off so I need it put back on. Then I need to schedule a cleaning.

That’s a good way to look at it regarding the election. I’m just focusing on what I can control. I’m going to vote in person on Election Day. But other than that I’m not watching the news. I stopped watching the news years ago. It just negatively impacts my mental health too much.

@MuddyBoots - That is definitely not a healthy weight loss for you, considering you started at a healthy BMI. ((((HUGS)))You definitely don't want to end up in the hospital for your ED. That point is God-awful.

It's warm here too for this time of year. It's in the 80s all week. We haven't had ONE cool day yet this fall, which is unusual even for here. I remember several Halloween festivals I attended with my daughter in the past where it was downright chilly. We also haven't had any significant rain in over a month though rain chances go up tomorrow, great right when I have to drive to my pdoc appt. I hate driving in the rain especially because the roads have a lot of puddling on the drive I have to take.

Moodwise, I'm doing OK. My toe/top of foot is still hurting from when I slammed my toe/foot into the door frame last week. IDK, if it doesn't improve any by next week, I will start considering going to the doctor. I think I fractured something and it may be my toe on top of my foot which I think is a bit more complicated than just a regular toe fracture, which I've had many times in the past.

I also have huge anxiety about the election whenever I read the news or someone talks about it. I never watch the news. I think I need to stop reading the news, at least until the election is over. I already voted as well, and H points out we are really just powerless to do anything about it now. For those who want to discuss politics more, there is the political issue discussion group forum on this site near the bottom of all the forums list.