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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,384
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#161
I feel paranoid. In other news I did another drawing today. Idk what else to do today. I cleaned, did laundry, drew. Now I’m just trying to decide what to do with the rest of the day. It’s only just going on 1pm and I usually don’t go to sleep till around 11pm or so , so I’m trying to figure out what to do in the meantime, and to do my best to not dissociate.
I might try to lose myself in watching a show for awhile. Probably The Witcher. Once my tablet is charged. Or maybe read. Idk I’ll figure something out __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,384
(SuperPoster!)
11 14.9k hugs
given |
#162
Sorry not sure why that posted upside down, I fixed it
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,577
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#163
I'm doing good today. Although I'm kinda having a wtf moment because I ate a lot of protein for breakfast and some coffee yet for the first time in months I don't feel sick. Just really full. So its kinda like this new feeling and I'm not sure what to do. I'm not anxious either. I went out this morning for sparkling water and Kind cereal bars and I wasn't paranoid or anything. I'm just trying to adjust to things.
I can see why my pdoc has such a strict safety plan put in place. That med helps with my stomach issues along with my anxiety and depression. __________________ I'm Blue Last edited by Mountaindewed; Oct 09, 2024 at 12:44 PM.. |
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,889
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#164
I see my psychologist today at 2:20pm. Nervous because I don’t know what to expect. I had to buy a book for today’s session so he’s going to get me to write stuff down.
Shocking sleep last night. Woke up about 5x. A few of those were because I kept thinking my son was having nightmares the other side of the house. But every time I walked through he was sound asleep. I think it might have been the neighbours kid next door. Yesterday I spent the day in bed either trying to sleep (never actually fell asleep) or playing on my phone. It was ridiculously unproductive. I’ll update later after my psychologist appointment. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 3,874
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#165
Feeling a bit disconnected today. Having a hard time focusing to read everyone's posts.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine, There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in. --Leonard Cohen |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,776
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#166
Had a good session. We talked about a lot of options. He agreed the seroquel was worth a try. I’m going to start with 25, and after 30 minutes or if I wake up another 25. It’s prn so it shouldn’t cause the restlessness legs syndrome, plus I’m on gabby and that should also help keep the restless leg thing at bay. He did say to get in touch for any reason. He’s putting in a referral for therapy..
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Wanderer of Distant Stars
Member Since May 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA. Originally New York
Posts: 25,748
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#167
Cleaned my whole house today - scrubbed the begeezus out of my bathtub, my good friend is coming over tomorrow to spend the weekend with me, so I wanted my place to be in tip-top shape. It will be nice to have someone over to enjoy my place with - I have another friend staying over next weekend too, so I am really putting my guest bedroom to good use! Found a spider in my house too! I took him and put him outside - he's an outside spider!
Feeling better than yesterday - a lot more accomplished - worked today and made a bit of money and feel good about that too. @Brentus - sorry that happened to you with that finance company, I know how that goes unfortunately, it happens a lot, also so cool you were a Spanish teacher, I am learning Spanish now and it's a lot of fun! So sorry you're sick @raspberrytorte I hope you feel better soon! @Crazy Hitch and @Rosi700 thanks so much for the prayers for my family - I am keeping a watchful eye on Milton, definitely. Anyway, I hope everybody is doing well - and for those of you who are struggling big hugs, this too shall pass. __________________ Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Path to Wellness and Love |
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,776
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#168
Oof! My bench was delivered today. I just ordered it the other day. Wayfair was having a big sale and I ordered an upholstered storage bench to put in the entryway. I can put my shoes in in and have someplace to sit while I put on and take off my shoes. My rug came at the same time. It took three of us to get it on the cart so I could bring it up. It will be tomorrow before I can open it and figure out what tools I need. I asked the all around matence man here if I could borrow tools. He said yes so I’ll do that tomorrow.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 17,085
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#169
I was just talking on the phone with N3. He was practicing Bach fugues on the piano which led the conversation to music theory class. I love my son!
__________________ Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 1.5 mg, Gabapentin 100 Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,864
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#170
Congrats, Nammu! I love putting furniture together! Sometimes all you need is an allen wrench which they provide you along with the screws.
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,776
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14 56.8k hugs
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#171
Yep, yer right it has an Allen wrench. Unfortunately the way the directions are I’m not going to be able to put it together. It takes being able to bend, and I don’t bend anymore with the hardware in my back. My sister and bil are coming tomorrow to screw it together. Looks easy enough. It’s just that you need to bend over it. But yeah, I’ve put lots of furniture together. I’ve done desks with drawers, oodles of bookcases, vanity drawers for the bathroom and tons of stuff for friends. Unfortunately my bendable fun days are behind me. It’s all I can do to sweep the floor stuff into a dust pan and pick it up. I’ve been depressed the last few weeks we’ve got absolutely marvelous walking weather and I can’t walk anymore. Oh to hear the crunch of leaves under my feet! But never fear I’ll get my exercise Saturday when I go garage saying with my daughter.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,616
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#172
I saw my therapist yesterday. We did depression and anxiety inventories. My depression is mild which sounds right and anxiety is severe which is just what I've been telling everyone. We went through a lot of anxiety reduction stuff and I left feeling better. Today has been a little bit better. I hope it sticks.
Good thoughts to all who need them... __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,864
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#173
Nammu i bought a rollator. I havent tried it yet im embarrassed! But geez i used to walk 6 or 10 miles a shot. Who have i become? Im hoping my extreme cleaning this past weekend will be my springboard to fitness.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,384
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#174
I’m gonna see if my psychiatrist can put me back on propranolol for anxiety/panic attacks. It helped a lot. I used to be on klonopin. That helped the mental aspect anxiety more. But I don’t want to be on any benzos. So I’m gonna see about getting back on propranolol since beta blockers are good for the physical symptoms of panic attacks.
Meds make me really nervous. I’m very cautious about them especially since I ended up in the ICU for 8 days mostly unconscious when I was 19 with lithium toxicity through no fault of my own and having kidney failure as a result and seizures and having to be on dialysis while I was there. That has made me extremely hypervigilant and paranoid about meds and their side effects. Especially since my psychiatric nurse at the time ignored the effects until I had to call an ambulance one night having no idea what was happening to me but knowing something was very wrong. Which was a good decision cause I lost consciousness not long after that. They really make me nervous and starting any or changing doses etc stresses me out. I start panicking and thinking they’re killing me. Almost like a post traumatic type response to what happened when I was 19. Ironically enough that’s the next topic for EMDR at my next therapy appointment on Friday. That’s the next thing we’re working on is my anxiety resulting from that whole situation. Basically in EMDR you work through a bunch of traumatic memories and situations that have happened through out your life. Just happens that the next one on the list is the paranoia about meds resulting from what happened a little over 10 years ago. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,564
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#175
We had to put our sweet kitty to sleep unexpectedly today. The prognosis was bad. Kidney issue. I’m so sad but now I’m having horrible flashbacks of something horrific that happened
(Trigger) My stepmom made my dad shoot our two dogs after they killed my cat and dump them in the woods. I am hearing gun shots and feel terrified! Like how do I stop this????!! I know I’ve been triggered but like omg I’m ****ing freaking ou __________________ schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,616
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#176
I'm so sorry Hallie. Both that you had to put your kitty to sleep and that you are dealing with such awful memories. I have a vaguely similar memory and get triggered even being near a police officer wearing a gun.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2022
Location: USA
Posts: 289
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#177
@HALLIEBETH87 I'm so sorry.
My anxiety has been slowly getting worse this week, with this evening/night being the worst. I go back and forth with my chest feeling a little tight and my breathing being even shallower than it normally is. Tonight, my vertigo symptoms acting up again is causing a lot of health anxiety because my vertigo was so bad after I first got sick almost a year ago. I needed physical therapy to help it get better. I'm trying to use the reflecting on what I can control strategy my counselor gave me last week. I just can't figure out how to let it sink in it since it's a new strategy for me-I'll keep trying though. __________________ Lamotrigine: 300 mg Bupropion: 150 mg Risperidone: 3 mg |
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Insert Smiley Face
Member Since Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 6,142
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#178
Ugh. The increased dose of Lamictal is already turning me into a moron. I'm already having trouble with recollection. I TOLD her this would happen to me on 300mg but she didn't listen to me! In fact, I repeated myself numerous times, but she was insistent. If this gets worse I'm calling next week. This is unacceptable. I'm mad. I'm very upset. 😡 This never would have happened with my previous psychiatrist.
__________________ The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "I'm scared. I'm old. I want to go home!" 😁 - anonymous |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,577
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#179
I went to the store at 4:30 this afternoon because they had just gotten in the new Shirly Temple 7 Up. My agoraphobia is really improving. I used to avoid the grocery store at 10 in the morning. I would never think to go at 4:30PM. Anyways I fell asleep for a few hours with my music on and then I woke up to watch the hurricane coverage.
I don't get why they are like "you will die if you stay here." Then they put Anderson Cooper outside in the middle of it. __________________ I'm Blue |
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ɘvlovƎ
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,889
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#180
So my notebook from my psychologist I have to write down every negative thought / event; how I felt; how long it lasted and what I did to get out of it.
I explained to him that I’ve been lying in bed all day and he says I’m running away from my problems not facing them. He wants me to do 3 self care things for myself over the next week. Taking a shower counts thank goodness. I think I’m going to do my hair on Monday because my gray root are really coming through. |
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