Bipolar Check-in #83

our new goal is to save as much as we can in an able account so we have a cushion.

I talked with the vet’s office and they said the sudden change of food might give her a stomachache or diarrhea. She suggested a quarter of a can mixed with her dry food next time. Right now she’s on the bed with me sleeping. It’s been two hours since she ate.

Why will their SSI be denied?

Neither one is on SSI yet their on state disability until they get approved or denied SSI. If they're not approved by February it's going to be a lot harder to get approved due to funding cuts. As soon as they're denied they loose cash, medical and food stamps.

My depression was easier to bear today. I was more active, got chores done, and made better food choices. I did have an anxiety attack in the afternoon after saying some things i felt uneasy about after in ZOOM support group. I tried journalling and deep breathing and neither helped so i just sat quietly until it passed. As usual, the daytime is unpleasant while the evening is enjoyable.

Found out today from my dietitian that I’m eating too little for my height and weight and that’s why my body is not losing weight. He wants me on 1700 calories a day not 1200 that I’m currently on. Go figure!

Just waiting at starbucks till it’s time to drive to the doctors office for a follow up from the ER. I actually get to see my primary doctor! She’s hard to get an appointment with. N3 needs to get a check up. It’s been years! We have the same doctor. Once he gets his insurance card he can go.

So... I'm feeling much better today. 😊 I'm not going to let stupid people get me down. If I end up having to get a job down the road because I lose my SSDI I'll just put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I've done it before (granted the outcome wasn't all that great, but you do what you gotta do and just push through). I still feel like crying. I still don't understand. I read about what the orange one wants to do and agree with zero of it and find most of it disturbing. However...

I didn’t read anywhere that he plans on getting rid of SSI, SSDI or Medicare. He plans on doing some other stuff with it, but not that, and I think his primary focus is going to be deporting people when he gets into office, which is disturbing.

But apparently it's what most of us wanted, so...

Make your bed and you have to lay in it.

It's my husband's mom's birthday today. She's turning 74 and DOES NOT act or look her age! We're taking her out for dinner tonight. Should be fun. Unfortunately she wants to go to a less than ideal restaurant and the only option on the menu my husband and I can get is salad (I HATE salad!!!), but it's her special day. 😊

My husband gets done with work at 2PM. My plans are to write in my journal, clean and take a shower before he gets home and we have to pick our daughter up from school and stop at the pharmacy again.

Going to have a good day.

I will NOT allow myself to become depressed.

So we had the funeral on Monday and we picked up the ashes yesterday. We're planning to release the ashes next week in a river (we checked, and we're allowed to do that).

We have one more event to host this weekend.

We're having about 30 people over for a celebration of life. It's gonna be stressful but it's something we gotta do.

I finally slept 8 hours! I stopped the Rexulti.

My anxiety is still up but I'm trying to manage it without Klonopin because I want to lose weight. I

gained another 5 pounds, so now I'm 55 pounds overweight. My family is after me to get in shape. Too bad they don't know what it's like being on psych meds.

Overall, my mood is pretty good this morning, having less anxiety than yesterday so far, thank God! I went for a walk this morning, showered, had breakfast, washed & folded laundry. Unfortunately, I had a tooth break off at an old amalgam filling. The dentist can't get me in until the 18th. This is the 4th tooth I've had break or had the crown come off this year! I am SO sick of having to repeatedly see the dentist!

I'm trying not to read the news as everything about Trump pretty much triggers me. I'm starting to think I'm going to have to live with my head in the sand for the next 4 years! The news was already bad enough before the election. I just can't deal with current events, at least right now if I want to have a chance of getting my panic disorder under control.

Good morning. I slept well. Journaled. Walked to the store, carried 14lbs of cat litter and 6lbs of cat food home. I sketched some today. Other than that I’m gonna practice violin later today. Im feeling pretty good right now. Just kinda tired from my morning meds. Even though I'm back to sleeping well I'm a little annoyed that my psychiatrist never returned my call when i left a message for him when i was going days without sleep. It’s the first time I’ve ever called him outside of an appointment. I never do even when I'm struggling cause I’m afraid to bother people. I see him next week so I guess it doesn’t really matter.