Bipolar Check-in #83

I only did one load of laundry today. But that's better than none. I will do more tomorrow. I just don't have the energy to get the first load folded and the 2nd into the dryer or folded. And if I don't take care of the 2nd load immediately I'll forget to get it out of the dryer until I need something from it or have another load for the washer but will have to delay that load to re-wash this load. It's just good that I have this load done because I can survive with just it for several more days if I have to.


I may try to load the dishwasher. That really needs done too but we'll see how my motivation is. I hate mixed episodes because I know what I need to do but everything is an internal struggle. Not one thing is easy.


I have another (but not as bad as 2 nights ago) migraine and that is affecting my decision too.

I’m not getting my email. I’d planed to go to the library and get my book and see if I could straighten up my email on their computer but I forgot my password. I did manage to go to Walmart and get my tea. Didn’t do much else today. Just read and watched tv. Beautiful day, cool but not cold. Monday I’ve got to get up and make it to the DMV for my DL. I keep forgetting, I’m running out of days.

Sleep is good. Don’t want to change anything. But very nervous about the election. That does give me nightmares, only I’m awake. To that end I’m avoiding the news, both on tv and online. Watching some ridiculous movie from 1953. It’s hilarious how serious it takes itself.

Beautiful weather. Took my son to the beach and I ate at a cafe. I had a glorious salad with lamb cutlets. Cooked to perfection. I bought some beef jerky and mixed nuts to snack on. What I really felt like buying is cookies or lemon meringue pie but no I’m being good. So just when I thought I’d dropped 2kg since Wednesday, my partner stood on the scale this morning and he tells me it’s not accurate his weight is too low. Sigh. Now I don’t have any clue

I started taking dramamine again today and its been working like magic for my GI issues. I think my Elavil and Zofran are causing a lot of paranoia and anxiety so I'm thinking of just taking my pantropaloze and the dramamine.

I have the heebie jeebies real bad right now. I keep hearing noises and its freaking me out. I'm doing some stress grocery shopping.

But my covid is pretty much 100% gone. My brother is still testing postive, but I'm all good. What a crappy 8 days though.

I am really really panicky right now. I think its just the wind outside. But it sounds weird. I feel like I'm gonna majorly freak out.

I slept for about 12 hours last night and got a few things done. I had a good momentum, but then let it fall through the cracks. Losing momentum is on me this time-I fell into the habit of just being on my phone/not doing much that formed in the last hear as I've been trying to get my physical and mental health in order. The temptation is to beat myself up for it, but that won't do any good. I just have to accept the consequence that I now have a good amount I have to get done tomorrow. I'll set my alarm for earlier than originally planned with the goal of getting out of bed by 8 am.

I made it to lunch with my friend. I've been struggling to connect with this friend. She has me on a bit of a pedestal and had admitted (many times) that she doesn't see me as young (she's 30 years older than me). I suck at confrontation so haven't had the guts to point out that this isn't a good thing-it means she isn't seeing me as I am. She also has been dumping on me a lot lately-I can tell she saves up things she doesn't want to talk to others about and then dumps in all on me as soon as we sit down. I'm glad she feels comfortable with me, but the conversations aren't as evenly balanced as they used to be. I notice myself pulling away from her, but I think I've been doing that in general so it's hard to know exactly why that's happening.

I don't get manic but I'm really scared to fall asleep and I just spent $61 on groceries I don't need. After spending $48 earlier on a Walmart order.

You need your rest it’s late @Mountaindewed

He got here at 1. Ate lunch - huge container of Doritos nachos!- and we’re done eating at 2:30. Drove to a movie theater. Missed the beginning but the rest was ok. Was about a robot who befriends a goose., Then we went back to my place and I was too full to eat dinner so at 7:30 I skipped it and went to sleep.

I’m tired. Slept from 7:30 to 5:30 last night., on the other hand I did just eat a ginormous omelette. Caleb went home. Just dropped me off after breakfast. It is a long drive but still would’ve liked to have hung out and talked some more.

Feeling pmsish. Crampy. According to my calculations my period should start today or tomorrow. I wish it would hurry up.

Been a crazy couple of days, but that's the way it is in my world these days. Had an amazing event at my store on Thursday, that I got all dressed up for, (see below), been feeling a lot better about myself since becoming more grateful since that (almost) accident with that big tree and my parents.

Was really tested when the event was over because the Marriot Hotel my boss put me in for the night, its restaurant closed by the time the event was over, and I had to order my dinner at the BAR!! OMG, what a test! Everyone was drinking and having a good time, and I just found myself just standing there and STARING at all the liquor bottles at the bar, omg. Thank God my boyfriend was on the phone with me and handled it well, he directed me to go sit down somewhere away from the bar while I waited for my food and just kept me distracted. Thank God for him!! After I got my food, I went up to my room and just prayed gratitude for getting me through that and keeping my sobriety.

Been a really quiet weekend since I got back. I still haven't unpacked my suitcase yet, and have a ton of laundry to do, but so thankful I spent Saturday doing NOTHING and catching up on Catfish the TV Show episodes on Hulu. I'm sorry ya'll, it's SUCH a guilty pleasure of mine!! It's funny because the whole premise of the show can be solved by two people just video chatting! LOL. Today is a nice quiet day too, I am at my parent's house now and spending time with them after a wonderful morning at church. Gonna attack that laundry when I get home though! Work starts at 8:30am tomorrow and I definitely need those black dress pants I wore to the event.

Anyway, so glad to see some June birthdays here! Mine is June 26th, I'm a Cancer. Speaking of watches too, my husband had bought me an expensive Citizen gold watch that I just can't part with. I love it, I've always loved watches. Could never get on board with those electronic fit bits or Apple ones though, I love old clocks and watches. I still have a lot of old clocks in my house - as a matter of fact its my saving grace when all the power gets knocked out!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. Don't worry guys, I know the election is scary, but it's going to be all over soon. Let's just pray for a good outcome!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. Don't worry guys, I know the election is scary, but it's going to be all over soon. Let's just pray for a good outcome!

I agree! I’m so anxious about this election!

I'm feeling better anxiety wise today. The grocery stores were out of most of my of my stuff. One employee I was texting with started complaining to me about his job and how frustrated he is for me as a customer and himself as an employee. He said "hell, everything you want is out of stock." I feel for you man but complaning to the customer is not the way to do it. I'm an ok guy but the next customer might report him.

Anyways I got my groceries which was mostly just sparkling water. Now I'm home with a headache but my stomach is ok

I feel ok from the covid. I'm still just a bit tired and congested..

N3 is going to play tennis with his grandpa today. N3 just finished rehearsal for the 8 person medieval/Renaissance choir he’s in with his dad. Next week I hope to go along so I can listen!

@LadyShadow great job resisting the alcohol at the bar, that’s not easy!

Good afternoon. I slept well, 11 hours. I did laundry today. Also played some of my videogame. And read my book for an hour. Meditated for 20 minutes.

Since I cut out sweets for the most part, I’ve lost weight. I still crave them obsessively though. It’s like the only thing running through my mind, “I wish I had some little Debbie snack cakes, I wish I had some pastries, cheesecake would be good right now, ice cream sounds good too …” etc on and on a constant stream. I feel kind of irritated from it. Idk if you can get withdrawal from cutting out large amounts of sweets but I’m so irritable and all I can think about is how much I want them right now. Ugh. It’s a slippery slope though. Cause when I have them it all goes downhill and I end up bingeing on them every. Single. Time. I know it’ll get better. Cause like 6 or 7 years ago I went without sweets for well over a year and I completely didn’t think about them after a certain point. It’s just a matter of getting through the first couple weeks.

I also cut out coffee which is making things more complicated. I feel low energy. I went from 6-8 cups a day daily for years to none. So I’m thinking of adding it back but just doing one cup a day and being really strict about it. I think I’ll make it a special time every morning. I’ll have my coffee and watch some of my favorite shows.

I am making two pies for Thanksgiving but I’m giving half of each to my sister. But that’s a special occasion.

These are changes that must be made though and stuck to for long term because I want to be very healthy. I’ve started eating vegetables once or twice a day. I know it’s not much and not enough but it’s huge for me because I normally never eat them unless they’re like cooked into a meal. If they’re on the side I hardly ever eat them.

You for sure can get sugar withdrawals. Sugar is actually considered by some to be the most addictive substance because of a combo of it's physical effects and nearly unlimited access.

Doing alright today. Did some shopping on Friday, pair of boots, two bras, and a pair of PJ pants for just under $40 so that wasn't too bad. Spent more on groceries right after haha, but it's all good, got a lot of cheese and made some baked mac and cheese last night, so it was worth it (I'm not a sugar addict, but cheese? Maybe)

I woke up with a sore throat that's still lingering too. Sometimes I wake up with one just because I slept in a weird position and was breathing weird overnight, but that goes away pretty quickly, and this hasn't yet. Tea and honey, I guess.

If I'm mentally preparing for the worst in this election, then...

So I jiggled the scale this morning and hopped on. Turns out I’ve actually put on 600g even though I haven’t eaten a single cookie or lolly or sweet! I don’t get it. Wtf is happening with these weight Loss meds. Nothing. I see my gp tomorrow and I feel like she’ll be disappointed. I snack on 10 almonds at a time. Eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. What gives. It’s not the start to my day that I wanted. Ughhhh. Guess I’ll just have to wait till I see the dietitian on 7 November. I don’t know what I’m doing today. I’m out of my abilify so I know I have to go to my chemist and pick some up. I’ll touch base later on.