Bipolar Check-in #83

I'm not dealing in a very healthy manner. I'm letting myself sink into depression. 😔

Currently listening to Sigur Ros (the most depressing band ever that I always end up listening to when I'm depressed) and laying in bed with the covers over my head. My husband and daughter aren't home at the moment, but I know once they get home they're going to be really obnoxious and MAKE me get out of bed.

I need to stop this. NOW. I personally DID NOT vote for the orange one. I did what I could. I need to not dwell on this, but I've been crying off and on.

This morning I bought my cat Hills canned cat food in varying flavors all for cats ages 1-6. Gave her half a can and she LOVES it! She keeps going back to lick her bowl over and over! The vet suggested we supplement her dry food with wet.

Hills was very popular with the cats at the shelter. We used it in the icu for sick cats to encourage them to eat.

The melatonin zoned me out for a bit but then I got my *** out of it and started doing stuff. I did 2 loads of laundry I've been putting off. I organized my pantry and I finally got on my treadmill after avoiding it for 2 months. Now I'm charging up my VR headset and updating the software. I haven't used it since the winter. I've been watching season 14 of a TV show all day. My stomach has been fine since about 10AM. I guess I'm just in some kinda mode right now.

Wow it’s good stuff!

our new goal is to save as much as we can in an able account so we have a cushion.

I talked with the vet’s office and they said the sudden change of food might give her a stomachache or diarrhea. She suggested a quarter of a can mixed with her dry food next time. Right now she’s on the bed with me sleeping. It’s been two hours since she ate.

Why will their SSI be denied?

Neither one is on SSI yet their on state disability until they get approved or denied SSI. If they're not approved by February it's going to be a lot harder to get approved due to funding cuts. As soon as they're denied they loose cash, medical and food stamps.

My depression was easier to bear today. I was more active, got chores done, and made better food choices. I did have an anxiety attack in the afternoon after saying some things i felt uneasy about after in ZOOM support group. I tried journalling and deep breathing and neither helped so i just sat quietly until it passed. As usual, the daytime is unpleasant while the evening is enjoyable.

Found out today from my dietitian that I’m eating too little for my height and weight and that’s why my body is not losing weight. He wants me on 1700 calories a day not 1200 that I’m currently on. Go figure!

Just waiting at starbucks till it’s time to drive to the doctors office for a follow up from the ER. I actually get to see my primary doctor! She’s hard to get an appointment with. N3 needs to get a check up. It’s been years! We have the same doctor. Once he gets his insurance card he can go.

So... I'm feeling much better today. 😊 I'm not going to let stupid people get me down. If I end up having to get a job down the road because I lose my SSDI I'll just put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I've done it before (granted the outcome wasn't all that great, but you do what you gotta do and just push through). I still feel like crying. I still don't understand. I read about what the orange one wants to do and agree with zero of it and find most of it disturbing. However...

I didn’t read anywhere that he plans on getting rid of SSI, SSDI or Medicare. He plans on doing some other stuff with it, but not that, and I think his primary focus is going to be deporting people when he gets into office, which is disturbing.

But apparently it's what most of us wanted, so...

Make your bed and you have to lay in it.

It's my husband's mom's birthday today. She's turning 74 and DOES NOT act or look her age! We're taking her out for dinner tonight. Should be fun. Unfortunately she wants to go to a less than ideal restaurant and the only option on the menu my husband and I can get is salad (I HATE salad!!!), but it's her special day. 😊

My husband gets done with work at 2PM. My plans are to write in my journal, clean and take a shower before he gets home and we have to pick our daughter up from school and stop at the pharmacy again.

Going to have a good day.

I will NOT allow myself to become depressed.

So we had the funeral on Monday and we picked up the ashes yesterday. We're planning to release the ashes next week in a river (we checked, and we're allowed to do that).

We have one more event to host this weekend.

We're having about 30 people over for a celebration of life. It's gonna be stressful but it's something we gotta do.

I finally slept 8 hours! I stopped the Rexulti.

My anxiety is still up but I'm trying to manage it without Klonopin because I want to lose weight. I

gained another 5 pounds, so now I'm 55 pounds overweight. My family is after me to get in shape. Too bad they don't know what it's like being on psych meds.

Overall, my mood is pretty good this morning, having less anxiety than yesterday so far, thank God! I went for a walk this morning, showered, had breakfast, washed & folded laundry. Unfortunately, I had a tooth break off at an old amalgam filling. The dentist can't get me in until the 18th. This is the 4th tooth I've had break or had the crown come off this year! I am SO sick of having to repeatedly see the dentist!

I'm trying not to read the news as everything about Trump pretty much triggers me. I'm starting to think I'm going to have to live with my head in the sand for the next 4 years! The news was already bad enough before the election. I just can't deal with current events, at least right now if I want to have a chance of getting my panic disorder under control.

Good morning. I slept well. Journaled. Walked to the store, carried 14lbs of cat litter and 6lbs of cat food home. I sketched some today. Other than that I’m gonna practice violin later today. Im feeling pretty good right now. Just kinda tired from my morning meds. Even though I'm back to sleeping well I'm a little annoyed that my psychiatrist never returned my call when i left a message for him when i was going days without sleep. It’s the first time I’ve ever called him outside of an appointment. I never do even when I'm struggling cause I’m afraid to bother people. I see him next week so I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I’m doing pretty good all things considered. The rump situation is very disturbing. He’s promised to cut things and to not appoint career politicians, meaning he’s only appointing unqualified people loyal to him. Last time he tried to slash HUD but the house wouldn’t let him. This time he has the senate and maybe the house and promises to cut spending. Since he and musk will cut taxes of big business and the very wealthy he’ll have to slash spending. He plans to spend a lot on the military and illegal deportations. So my housing is threatened. But my daughter said I could live with them. I like living alone but at least I’d have a place to go. That’s my main concern. The cutting of HUuD. I’m soooo disappointed in people for voting for a con man, a criminal because of the economy. We are in recovery right now. It takes years to recover from a pandemic but rump will send us down. I’ve not recovered yet.

I slept good though last night. Dreamed of Halloween. Always a fun escape. Was an excellent dream.

Some sketches I did today

I took an hour nap after I got home from the store, it felt really good, felt like drifting off on a cloud.

Been dealing with some paranoia and anxiety lately but doing my best to cope with it. Gonna practice violin at some point today. Should probably hop on the treadmill too

I started a new one because we're at 1000 posts on here. Here's the link: Bipolar Check-in #84

I'll request this one be closed.

I can't even navigate this website This morning I guess med nurse sounded concerned. You know you don't look good when they ask if you're gonna be safe even though you didn't say anything about being unsafe. And when they remind you of the crisis line. I hate that I can't not add "but I'm forcing meals down" every time I talk about having a hard time eating with them. Even weed hasn't made it easier.

It's too hot for November here. It was almost 80 yesterday and 70 today. We're supposed to be a solid 40 degrees less than that right now.

And this is how New Hampshirites become a true community come election season.

nooooooooo!!!!
I'm gonna abuse this thread until it closes

Nah na na na
Nah nana na
hey hey hey
Sacoooooooooooo

Say it aint so, turn the lights off, carry me home!

I found where the CC I'll take my first couple courses at is and it's easy. I also saw beautiful doggos that I wish I could have stolen

Alright.
Goodnight beautiful people.
Hugs to all