Bipolar Check-in #84

im tlking to 988. my mind is going off the deep end. i just wanna quit life

she siad shed look at it. no bens at his stpid AA meeting h goes to eeryn ight. i had perfect scores til now

Finally talked with a nurse who got ahold of the doctor who said to take 2 of the 100s and we’ll see if I stay asleep tonight. If not she’ll have the doctor call in a script for the 300s. So there ya go! And I know Walgreens pharmacy is open tomorrow.

Judging from both my mom and sister who are both college professors your work to date will help them think this is a one time thing and work with you. I obviously can't speak for your professor but I do know this stuff comes up and asking for help immediately is the biggest thing. Keep breathing. Glad you called 988.

i hope thye dont send police. im pertty upset but didnt say anythig about bng suicidal

So I’ve been researching the tablets my gp gave me for my irregular periods. I’m 46. She’s given me hormone replacement therapy that has a small dose of ostregen and progesterone. I worry about the side effects though. It continually mentions breast cancer and stroke and blood clots so I will have to make a decision before my next period as to whether or not the benefits outweigh the risks.

I'm in so much middle right side and back pain. Tylenol is useless. The heating pad didn't help either. Idk if I should just go to the ER. I need an abdominal scan. I haven't had one in a couple years. Just the endoscopys.

Well on 200 mg I made it to 5 am. That’s an improvement anyway.

I’m at starbucks! The nurse is going to call me at 9. Guess she doesn’t want to get up at 5 either! Then hopefully she’ll have the doctor call in a script for 300 gabapentin. I still feel just as crappy right now after getting up at 5 as I did getting up at 3!

I have a history of blood clots- one from surgery and one from an unknown source. They are serious! I myself can’t take HRT because of that risk so if I were you I wouldn’t take the birth control pills. But that’s just my experience. This also means I can’t take HRT when I hit menopause either.

I had my 6 month labs done yesterday. My fasting glucose has been 108 the last several times it's been taken but my A1C was ok. My doctor told me he thinks I am diabetic but the metformin I take for weight control is holding me so it's ok for now.

I haven't gotten my A1C yet but my fasting glucose was only 1 point above normal! I hope that's a sign that this is another time I'm going to get away with the diabetes diagnosis.

Now to wait for that A1C......

Still freaking out but not suicidal
Tiday

I SAID YES TO THE DRESS!!!!!

Background: I joined a wedding marketplace on Facebook and this seller originally bought the dress for $2,500 and she’s selling it for only $100!!! Bargain.

I can’t wait to pick it up later on today. 12:25am Sunday morning here and I c sleep!

So the nurse just called and said to take 300 tonight (3 100s from my blister packs) and if that works well the doctor will call in a script for 300 tomorrow. Dang. I was hoping they’d call it in today!

Good morning. Spent the first 3 hours I was up 5am to 8am meditating and journaling and staying off my phone and any screens. I also read some. I’m trying to cut my screen time I spend too many hours on my phone or online and it’s not mindful and is a waste of time most of the time. Then the fire alarm in the building went off so we had to go outside and the fire department came. It was the laundry room, there was a lot of steam which triggered the alarm. I’m back inside now. Gonna take a shower soon and go practice violin later. Other than that a lot of reading and limiting my screen time as much as I can. I don’t like the amount of time I’ve spend on my phone/laptop over the past 15 years. It’s too much and I’d rather spend most of that time doing more fulfilling meaningful stuff like art, music (violin, ukulele, keyboard), socializing in person, going places, exercising, spending time with my cat, playing card/board games like tabletop rpg games such as dungeons and dragons type games, cooking, exercising, journaling, learning new stuff. Just slower living more mindful type of activities. I don’t want to look back in my life years from now and realize I spent 95% of it behind a screen. That’s unsettling to me. It’s almost become an addiction which I think is pretty common for many people nowadays. But I’m working on being more present in my life and not letting time slip by.

I'm sad today. 😥 I don't like feeling sad. I want to become oblivious to the world around me. I know I said I wasn't going to, but I because I feel like having a fck all day. I'm currently under my covers in bed listening to Sleep Token, so at least I haven't gotten to Sigur Ros level of sadness! I'm not depressed.... just sad.

I got all my ezine stuff caught up last night, which is good. Today I just have to do my usual cleaning and vacuuming and dishes and the cat litters, etc. I also have to do two loads of laundry at some point, but I can do that tomorrow if I'm too lazy to do it today. I just want to cry. I also would like to spend an hour on my writing today.

My therapy appointment went well yesterday. I told my therapist how upset I was, and she was just like, "If you feel like you need to scream, cry, break things, feel free!" Lol. She was as upset as me. She said she'd needed to take Thursday off work because she wasn't in the proper headspace to help anyone.

@Moose72

Yeah. 300mg of gabapentin is a baby dose. I take 3200mg a day. I hope it helps you sleep! 🙏

@Blue_Bird

I often worry about spending too much time in front of my phone and letting the world pass me by too. I don't want that to happen. I periodically take a week off the internet and just use my phone for calls and texting. Your post inspired me to do that again because now that I think about it I haven't in a while.

What do you take that much for? Mine is for antipsychotic or mood stabilizer forget which and sleep. I also take Vraylar.

Talk to my old friend who is a therapist and knows me really well. She said my mental health has been slipping for a while and maybe I should the hell out of school before I do something to hurt myself. I’m really struggling and if I didn’t have so much riding in me I’d go ip today bc I’m
Not safe

Oh! Anxiety.