Bipolar Check-in #84

BeyondtheRainbow · Today at 01:07 PM

We're up to 1000 posts again so here's a new one. I'll link it on the old one and ask that it be closed.

Brentus · Today at 01:18 PM

I'm having a really bad day. It's been bad for a few weeks, but its culminating to a head right now. I'm fighting with my mom about me working and her wanting every penny I make. I'm struggling through very complex emotions of my past since my ex's new, but soon to be ex, husband reached out to say they are divorcing ( it's a long story why he even did but I do think his intentions were sincere. He's not trying to put me through the past... just trying to sort out his own emotions with someone who can understand). I am learning to hate being at home, I hate being at work. I hate everything and everyone. I'm acting out in wreckless ways and I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin.

Every day it just gets that much harder. I don't know what to do. I just want to give up. Give up my job, give up trying to be happy, give up everything in my life so i just can have unhappiness but without the world berating me at the same time. I'm so sick of it all.

Nammu · Today at 01:23 PM

Just posting this to get updates.

Blue_Bird · Today at 01:45 PM

Did 30 minutes on the treadmill. It relaxed me

Mountaindewed · 02:39 PM

I didn't realize that there would be withdrawels to the elavil. But I'm dizzy and having light sensitivtiy and I'm really nauseated. I threw up on the way to therapy and I couldn't really concentrate today which I guess is another med withdrawel symptom. She was just shooting the breeze so much about nonsense and her lights were bothering me, I asked if we were done a few minutes early. And idk if I was kinda being abrupt or not but I needed to throw up again and I didn't want to do it in her office.

Now I'm in bed with a headache and I'm nauseated but I'm not that anxious.

My moms retirement fund went way up at least.

Possible trigger:

I told my therapist about the 50mg melatonin in the middle of the day and she was just like "I don't blame you." My old therapist would have sent me to the hospital lol

Crazy Hitch · Today at 02:20 PM

Terrible sleep last night. The neighbours dog kept wining really loudly outside my bedroom window but on their side of the property. Our boundary is really close. It carried on and on and on. He’s gone away and his wife works night shift so there was no one home to tell the damn dog to keep quiet. It’s a husky. It was howling at the moon or something. Eventually my partner got up to tell the dog to keep quiet. Didn’t really do much. I have a pretty uneventful day today. Seeing my gp at 1:00pm to discuss perimenopause. I bet you she’s going to make me have a bunch of blood tests first. Sigh. I know I’m in perimenopause because my period has gone from a strict 28 day cycle to at least 60 days and it’s becoming extremely light whereas it used to be heavy. I’ll update after my gp appointment.

JaneOnceMore · 02:45 PM

@Brentus:

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling such intense negative emotions. You sound really overwhelmed and frustrated. You've gone thru a tremendous upheaval from being unemployed to having a demanding career. Add stress from your mom and having feelings about your ex stirred-up and it's no wonder you want to escape it all.

I wish i knew the words to help. One thing that helps me is spending time in nature and really trying to soak in the experience. Staying mindful and present in the moment helps. I remind myself that i am safe. Sometimes taking a few deep breaths helps but sometimes not. Journalling is sometimes helpful. Calming camomile tea helps me sometimes.

But sometimes i find there's nothing to do but endure and wait for my emotions to pass. It's helpful to try and quantify it once it's peaked and notice now i feel 5% better, now 30% better, etc., until it's passed and i can carry on. Hang in there and remember all you can do is do your best.

Blueberrybook · Today at 02:46 PM

@Crazy Hitch - I suspect I'm in perimenopause too. My periods are still pretty regular, but they are very, very light. I haven't had any tests run yet though. The gynecologist said maybe next year he'd do some bloodwork.

@Brentus - I'm so sorry about the depression. It really is a hard thing to deal with. Has your pdoc tried adjusting/changing your medication to see if that would help?

I've been reading a lot today. I get hyperfocused on it. I also made chocolate chip cookies from scratch, and I almost never bake but this is the 3rd time I've made cookies within the last 2 months.

Blue_Bird · Today at 03:58 PM

Nice about the cookies Blueberrybook. I love to bake. Especially this time of year. It’s super therapeutic and always puts me in a good mood. I just got some pie crusts for some pies I’m making soon. I’m making a homemade egg custard pie and a homemade chess pie. Both with graham cracker crusts. Hopefully they come out good. I also grabbed a bag of chocolate chips while at the store the other day in case I want to make cookies at some point.

Blue_Bird · Today at 04:02 PM

Right now I’m just watching some anime shows on Netflix and Hulu. Have some cinnamon vanilla scented wax melting in my scentsy wax warmer. And have a coffee. Might read in a little while on my Kindle. I took a shower which felt good. I still need to meditate for 15-20 minutes, try to do it everyday cause it’s really helpful for my mental health.

Victoria'smom · Today at 04:47 PM

I'm so mad. I've been trying to make plans for loosing half our income medical and food. Everyone is like well v needs to step up and provide for your family, **** off. Yes she has a degree but she also deals with her walls scratching and breathing, autism, dissociation, multiple personalities, mood swings, as well as a host of other things. So just getting up and eating is a win. She'd need to bathe to get a job. I know I hide my troubles from my family but I just want to lay into them about the daily struggles and how much they ****ed us.

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Bipolar Check-in #84

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BeyondtheRainbow Wise Elder Member Since Apr 2015 Location: US Posts: 9,647 (SuperPoster!) 9 11.7k hugs given	Today at 01:07 PM #1 We're up to 1000 posts again so here's a new one. I'll link it on the old one and ask that it be closed. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily
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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 73,908 (SuperPoster!) 14 57.1k hugs given	Today at 01:23 PM #3 Just posting this to get updates. __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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Blue_Bird Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2013 Location: Middle Earth Posts: 37,451 (SuperPoster!) 11 15k hugs given	Today at 01:45 PM #4 Did 30 minutes on the treadmill. It relaxed me __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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