Bipolar Check-in #84

Aww I love the name Sugarberry! That’s adorable!

What if your 31 and can't work physically and have basically every specialist to say so and also say that they are working on getting you stable?

I feel really blah today. I'm zapped of energy and I'm headachy. My anxiety is decent I guess its just some more weird ****

My GI doctor wants to see me tommrow. I don't know what he'll say but maybe he has some answer about this werid side and back pain.



At least I'll have a reason now to get into the shower

@Mountaindewed I don't know it's a waiting game. My hope is everyone they kick gets the ticket to work program or similar options like the workforce program. I know people are moving in anticipation.

So I was supposed to have my appointment with my new psychiatrist but the bus never came.my hair is all matted so I'm getting it cut and dyed at some point. hallucinations are down but still there a little. My dad thought we weren't going to try to move because of all that's happening.

Here is a picture of Sugarberry, our latest rescue stray!

@Blueberrybook She's beautiful!

Just gorgeous!

I saw an OBGYN as a follow up to the urgent care visit. The bleeding is my period two months late which is normal for somebody my age. My lower back pain is not related to the ovarian cyst. I can't think of how I hurt my lower back but there it is. She prescribed flexeril for it. Can't drive on it or sign documents on it or take it with gabapentin which I take at bedtime. I just took one so I'm not going anywhere any time soon! She did a test for a urinary tract infection because the urgent care said I had one. But I am not going to take the keflex they prescribed. Too many bad side effects. We'll see what she prescribes if the UTI test is positive. I'm having an ultrasound a week from today to see the cyst- it's not very big according to the CT report so that's good. She ran a couple blood tests. I forget the one but the other is for cancer markers even though ovarian cancer happens more in post menopausal women with cysts. She did an internal/external pelvic exam and said everything felt normal. Only my lower back hurt when she pressed on it. Every place else she pressed on didn't hurt. Results should come to my portal. Our next visit will be on zoom in December after all the results are in. December seems kinda late but I'm sure she'd call if there was something wrong.

I’m good. The addition of 25mg of seroquel is the perfect amount. I was cleared for up the 75mg but 25 is perfect. My sleep goes back and forth. A good night then a bad night. Last night was pretty bad then woke up way too early. Went back to bed at 7:30 and had a really neat complex dream. My dad and uncle were both in it as was some people from where I live. I’ve missed my dreams lately.

Went to the grocery store and got a few thing including some appetizers for the November pot luck. Also stopped at the liquor shop for my yearly bottle of brandy. It’s only 750ml but it lasts me the whole year. Sadly they still didn’t have spiced brandy, my favorite but they had vanilla so I decided to try that. Hope it’s not too sweet. Got Irish cream for the holidays. That’s for company. I have only one more gift to buy then I’m done for the holidays.

So far no snow and none in the forecast so maybe a snow free thanksgiving. Because of my back I can ski anymore so I’m all about snow free.

I don’t know why I was so tired at 4:50am when I got up. Got my son out of bed at 6:00am then came and lay on my bed with my eyes closed but not sleeping. Dropped my son off at school then came home and slept for an hour. Got up and made coffee now I feel a bit better after that coffee. I see my gp in just over an hour. Paperwork for workers comp. I’m going to ask her for another 3 weeks off….then I can go back when it’s end of term activities before school breaks up 21 December. As for Christmas shopping, I haven’t even started that yet. And my son’s 6th birthday is 7 December. My daughter is easy she’s turning 21 and has asked for money because she’s flat broke. What to buy a 6 year old…

My blood pressure is 135/93 and I can't get my heartburn under control. I ate 2 scrambled eggs for dinner.



But honestly I didn't even do anything today to aggravate my heartburn, and I limited everything.

Well I took one dose of the muscle relaxer I was prescribed today for my back pain and it worked great. But now it’s worn off and I’m in pain again and one of the side effects is urinary retention! I wrote a note to the doctor I saw today telling her this and that I’ve had urinary retention twice from psych meds and could she please write me a script for something else. I hope she replies tomorrow! Of course it has a long half life! I’ve read it builds up in your system. Glad I only took it once!

Its hopeless. My life. This pain and throwing up all the time sucks. Can 988 track me? I'm thinking of texting them. My mom is just like she thinks my GI will have some magic instant answer tommorow and I'll instantly be cured and there will be unicorns shitting rainbows and singing dancing flowers like in old Disney cartoons.

Just **** everything.

I ate a snack and it helped out my mood but didn't really do much for my stomach. But I'm nauseated from my nausea meds. Lol.

@Victoria'smom

Where are you getting your information regarding SSI/SSDI cuts?

@Mountaindewed

Sorry to hear you're in so much pain. 😔 I hope your GI doctor can help you tomorrow. 🫂 ❤️

This is a weird week at work. A couple of big events happening, a half day on Thursday and no school for students on Friday, and it is my coworker's last week. Some people were invited to go to a nearby spot to hang out for a bit to celebrate this coworker since nothing will happen at work because he is breaking his contract. It was a good time-the two hours flew by.

My mood has still been pretty good. I've been having increased anxiety about my financial future because I am nowhere close to being set up to ever retire and, if I stay in teaching, will probably never get there. But, I also have no idea what else I would do-I've been working with kids since I was in high school so don't have much experience outside of a teaching type of field. Money has also just been tight recently so that has financial anxieties high too.

I am feeling much more depressed than I was yet I also am SO irritable. I'm not even feeling patient on social media. Saturday I did pretty well. I helped get the recyling taken care of (we have to take it to a place and sort it into bins) and we took a walk on a trail. Yesterday I didn't get out of my pajamas. I didn't even go to my mom's for supper. I just didn't feel up to it at all. Today I got out of my pajamas long enough for supper but that's it. I acted ok with her I think but I don't feel ok. I talked to my sister on the phone and also sounded fine then. I'm a liar.


To be fair my sun lamp is helping. I don't think it is causing the irritability. It's just mixed and the way it is. The lamp is helping a little. At least it doesn't seem to be hurting and I do feel better after I use it for a little bit. It just doesn't last long.

I just feel bad. Tomorrow I have therapy. Last week we talked about the political situation which was hard because we don't agree on politics. He has no idea how little. But we're not talking about it tomorrow. I'm not talking or thinking or reading about it right now. Too much.

Off to be grouchy elsewhere....

It was another quiet day of mild depression. I got some relief for about two hours in the afternoon, which was welcome. Then i attended my ZOOM social hour but i didn't last because i wasn't interested. Nothing went wrong, i just was indifferent.

Hugs to all in need!

Trying to find a pain reliever that I can take with Eliquis but the only one is Tylenol. All the others raise bleeding risk.