Bipolar Check-in #84

I have an 87 in the class I’m
Worrying over. I’m about to just give up

Been feeling bugs crawling in my face. Started yesterday

My last school did twi8 week classes per semester. It’s horrible

No hypomanic symptoms today! I think it was starting up the hormone pills after four days of placebos that caused my symptoms. I also discovered last night that I accidentally didn't take one of the hormone pills so that probably didn't help things either.

It was a pretty easy day at work. The schedule for the rest of the school year ends up being pretty chaotic because of all the breaks and special events that happen. I'm still deciding if I'd rather get a non teaching job next year or just move schools (if I can find one that pays better and has good benefits). Since I don't feel protected by my boss anymore, staying at my current school just isn't an option.

My primary is right! Vraylar and Gabapentin isn’t a good combination. Too many similar or same side effects! Like dizziness! I put in a request to see my primary this week about this or see if she can contact someone at my pdoc’s office to discuss this. Y Pdoc is out of the office for yet another week! My psych office lowered my gabapentin dose but did not address the Vraylar especially the risk of cirrhosis from high liver enzymes which I currently have per my liver doctor. My primary said she was going to contact my liver doctor. She was out of the office through today so she should be back tomorrow.

My anxiety and paranoia is at an all time high. I have soulless eyes. The negative entity has stolen my soul, or it's looking out at me through my eyes because I don't even recognize them. I can feel it resting on my shoulders. I don't know why this is happening! I've been taking all my meds for a change! It wants to steal my happiness. I just want to cry. 😭 😭 😭

I feel better. I took a valium and skipped my stomach med then fell asleep for a bit. I think I'll take the stomach med twice a day instead of 3 times a day. I'm still not hungry or thirsty for much. But I'm getting along. My ultrasound is this Wednesday. Not next Wednesday like I thought.

Now I feel bad again. Its not anxiety. Just nausea and stuff. I wish I had some dramamine.

Plus Vraylar has many of the same side effects as Invega! Stiff muscles, shuffling gate, tremors, akathisia, uncontrolled muscle movements…. I had all these and more on Invega and I will not go through that again!

I just left a phone message for my liver doctor’s nurse- the front desk answered the phone. I said I wanted talk about my liver enzymes and medications. Hopefully she doesn’t wait forever to call me back. Plus my portal says I should contact my provider about an appointment? Blood draw for liver enzymes? I want to talk about Vraylar and cirrhosis. And is it best if I discontinue this drug.

Good morning. Enjoying some tea and music. Before I get dressed and ready to take the bus to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and get my flu and Covid vaccines.

I played my game on my Xbox for a couple hours last night. Had a lot of fun. Was very immersive and the story is getting very interesting. Am gonna try to finish the game tonight.

I slept good. My cat woke me up around 7:30am purring next to me and snuggling with me. She’s a love bug especially in the mornings.

87 is fantastic! Why are you worrying about it?

I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Feelings like that are so hard to get through. Do you see your T soon?

@Blue_Bird That's great about having less dissociation. I wish I had less!

My morning started out okay. I slept well, did pilates, started laundry. Then, I had to go to the imaging center to finally get an x-ray of that foot I slammed into the doorframe a couple weeks ago. Things just still feel weird in there even though the pain is minimal. I had an 8 AM appt. there, checked in, the woman is like "I see you completed the e-check", I sat there 30 min. then get called up only to be told there was a problem with my check-in and I had to enter all the info I did online at home again in their i-pad. After that, I was fuming. I mean, I had to wait 30 min. past my appt. time for them to tell me I had to do the checkin all over again?! I shouldn't be surprised, that's how crappy healthcare is in this country. Then, I had to wait another 20 min. just to get called up to sign some consent forms and then wait ANOTHER 15 min. to take a couple x-rays that took all of 1 min. to complete. I was so angry and fuming and churned up by the time I left the imaging center.

I went to the grocery store afterwards to buy some rolls to toast into garlic bread for dinner tonight, and was fuming at cars driving too slow. Came home and was irritated to see H didn't make the bed before leaving for work. Then, I had laundry to fold and I was going through it quickly and haphazardly, the way I do when manic. Still having trouble typing this. Hopefully, it is not mania and still just cooling down from waiting for the x-rays. I made some coffee and hope to settle with a book. I really need to chill out some.

I got my flu and Covid vaccines. On my way back I stopped at the store after I got off the bus and got a gallon of milk. On the walk home this lady who was walking around by the bus stop wasn’t sure where she was going cause she had never been in this area before so she said she’d walk with me. I vaguely got what she was looking for but it was hard to tell because she had such a heavy accent and it was hard to understand her most of the time. We walked for a bit then she talked to a lady who understood exactly what she was looking for and gave her a ride there. So that worked out.

Got my meds picked up. Now I’m relaxing at home. That walk up the hill to where I live is exhausting especially in the bright sun. It’s a non stop extremely steep hill /incline that goes on for a few blocks and levels out when I get to my apartment complex.

I wasn’t really sure whether EMDR would be effective for anything, kind of doubted it would, it seemed a little silly to me, be but it seems to be having some effect. My psychiatrist thinks it’s good my therapist is doing EMDR with me. He said it’s really good. It was originally used for veterans with PTSD