Bipolar Check-in #84

I was really struggling this morning. With bad heartburn and nausea and fatigue from having trouble sleeping. I went to Walgreens to get dramamine and then I fell asleep for 45 minutes and then I and I feel much better. I then did 60 ab crunches with my ab roller and now my moods are much better too.

So I'm hoping today gets better. My mom said I looked sad when she was leaving to go shopping and I was sad because I wanted to go shopping with her but my stomach and fatigue issues were too bad.

Yep. I'm pretty much UP. Woke after 6 hr sleep when I need 8-9 hr. Went for a 4 mile power walk. Still haven't had breakfast and it's lunchtime. Drove around aimlessly just to drive (and I usually HATE driving). Gotta bring myself down. Last night I did skip the gabapentin thinking maybe that may be making me tired. A few nights I've been halving my Seroquel too. I def. have MUCH more energy but now I'm thinking too much. Was irritable at the cats insisting on their food this AM when that is a daily occurence that doesn't usually bother me much. Grouchy at daughter for not getting up. I really need to tone this down.

fahkin A...fkn ay....

All I have to say. Muddy, out.

Muddy, in, actually. This morning med person just said (in regards to my appetite) "if it gets worse, let us know." I feel like I keep telling the fire department my house started burning and they keep saying "keep an eye on it," "let us know if it explodes," "fires suck, don't they?"

People expect me to do stuff and it's so freaking hard. Supposed to do dinner with a friend later, set up an appointment for nh employment shyt in a few weeks, got invited to a party this weekend (ax throwing involved and why can't this be when I'm well because it sounds awesome). I need a nap after putting laundry in the washer let alone that nonsense.

I feel like I'm gonna pukeeeeeee. I just saw a meme that says November in New England is like it's morning until 2pm and then it's bedtime and it's too freakin' true.

(My almost as crazy as me boy says hi!)

Had a great time at the potluck. There was tons of food. This was my leftovers I brought home. Was nice to socialize with people for a couple hours. Was a great time!! There was even more stuff on my plate before this, this was just my leftovers that I took home

Look what the hospital yesterday wrote about my chest X-rays!! I looked up the medical terms and am furious they told me nothing about this in the ER, I am having a hard time breathing with a cough and just had sedation for a colonoscopy. Here's what my portal says under "X-rays ".

1. The heart size is normal. No focal infiltrate, pleural effusion or pneumothorax. There is some minimal streaky atelectasis versus parenchymal scarring at the lung bases. No significant change from prior study.

Google says: Parenchymal scarring" in the lung, which refers to scarring within the lung tissue, can indeed cause dizziness due to reduced oxygen levels in the blood when the scarred lung tissue is unable to effectively transfer oxygen from the air to the bloodstream, making it a potential symptom to be aware of and discuss with a doctor.

And…. Streaky atelectasis in lung bases" refers to a pattern seen on a chest X-ray where there are thin, linear areas of collapsed lung tissue (atelectasis) specifically located at the bottom of the lungs, often appearing as streaks or bands, indicating a partial collapse of the alveoli in that region; this is typically caused by inadequate ventilation due to factors like prolonged bed rest, surgery, or a mucus plug blocking airways in the lower lung

Atelectasis happens when lung sacs (alveoli) can't inflate properly. The most common cause of atelectasis is surgery that requires anesthesia.

What the ****! No wonder I've been dizzy and nauseated! I can't take a deep breath and I cough like I have to cough something up but nothing comes up. I told the ER staff I had a cough and they ignored me.

Seeing primary doctor on Tuesday, psych nurse practitioner on Monday and my therapist on Wednesday. I will have plenty to say to all of them!!!

Is the weekend over yet??

Edit: I wonder if any of this is due to having had Covid in June and my recent colonoscopy

Btw my pancreas is fine

Ha, it's almost started

But I hope they can help you out. Dizziness isn't fun (I say as I feel like I'm a test tube that's just been through a centrifuge).

Omgggggg that guy came back last night. He was banging on my front door and window. I was hiding my son behind my bed so we wouldn’t be seen! When he left I installed a Ring doorbell that records who’s there. He came back a SECOND time but this time we were ready for him. Got real clear footage of him. Drunk as a skunk with a can of beer still in his hand. And he drove to get here.

Just….weird …………….

Bought six grape Gatorades at the grocery store. Half as much as buying them at Walgreens! One is in the freezer to chill faster!

I’m hitting an afternoon slump lol idk if it’s from the food from the potluck or what but I’m super tired now. It’s 3:30pm. I’m just listening to music. I might read some of my book in a bit here. Tomorrow I have my violin lesson. I feel totally unprepared for it as I didn’t practice as much as I’d like but I already rescheduled it once and won’t reschedule it again, so I’ll just have to deal with playing crappy during my lesson and knowing my teacher can tell I haven’t been practicing. lol. I need to get back on track with that. Next lesson I’ll be better prepared. I just kinda fell off with things for awhile as far as practicing consistently goes. I am at least gonna practice and hour or two before my lesson tomorrow. But it won’t make up for my inconsistent practice over the past month. Consistently practice is key. It’s better to practice for 30 minutes of focused practice a day every day than it is to practice twice a week for 2 hour sessions each for example.

Sorry you’re dealing with that, that’s concerning. It’s good you have the doorbell video though so now you have proof if you ever need it

Ugh, gotta reign in the spending...!

@Crazy Hitch

Next time he shows up can you call the police?

Just talked to one of the after hours nurses and she said if I’m feeling better than last night I can wait till Tuesday to be seen when I have my follow up with my primary doctor. She looked at the X-ray notes in my file and said they were fine. I don’t believe that because I still can’t take a deep breath and I’m coughing. I’ll have to figure all this out on Tuesday with my primary. This has been going on for two weeks! I don’t have diarrhea anymore but I did stop the miralax several days ago. She said I should ask my primary about COPD because the hospital I went to last night said I have COPD again. When I was in there for my rectal bleeding they gave me nebulizer treatments twice a day for it! Do I have it and my asthma symptoms mask it or just aren’t recognizing the symptoms of COPD? Or is the COPD something new? If I do have it I want to see about getting a nebulizer because they deliver the medication much more efficiently and it works faster. I’m relieved the nurse said I don’t have to go anywhere tonight. That the best plan is to see my primary doctor next week. Before that, I finally see my psych nurse practitioner and we’ll talk about feeling faint on Gabapentin and/or Vraylar. We’ll also discuss ECT. She’s gonna have to hit the ground running! We’ll see what my primary says about those X-ray results. I find it strange that they’d put seemingly serious things in my file without a good reason.

After 2 calls to CVS and 2 calls to my pdoc (3? I lost track) my clozaril is being filled and will be ready tomorrow. I take the last dose I have in my possession tonight. I am so relieved. I thought I was going to have to take smaller doses to keep from being totally off it and risking needing to restart it from the beginning if I missed 3 days. But it will all be OK now. I feel so bad because I messed things up and then created an emergency for my pdoc who is very busy on Thursday and Friday, the only days I knew of my error. I won't do that again.


Also, good news. The FDA advisory board voted to get rid of the REMS system that currently monitors clozaril patients and makes life so difficult with the med because of communication problems between doctors and pharmacists and labs and the easily made errors like mine. The FDA still has to vote on it but they usually follow advisory panels' advice. So hopefully this mess will end soon and clozaril will be like any other med that requires periodic bloodwork. That opens it up to so many more people and makes is so much easier on those who are on it. I can't wait to not have to spend time calling both the pharmacy and my pdoc's office every month, usually multiple times.

That’s great news!

Got my next two volunteer shifts coming up in December. (With the rescue cats) December 1st and December 15th. Excited about it. I took a month (maybe a little longer) break from volunteering but I’m starting back in December and am excited about it. It’s very fulfilling.

I feel good just tired tonight. And overly full from the potluck.

Got a lot of stuff to look forward to in the next month or so:

-Have my violin lesson tomorrow
A-Thanksgiving next week
-I’m going to see two movies at the movie theater in December. The Lord of The Rings War of the Rohirrim which releases December 13th. And Nosferatu which comes out Christmas Day. I am gonna see Nosferatu on Christmas day as I don’t really have anything going on that day. My sister will probably come over Christmas Eve.
- Starting up volunteering again
-I’m becoming my own payee
-I get a dental cleaning on Dec. 13th (I don’t like going to the dentist but glad to get this done so I can see if I need any fillings or anything done)
- New Years Eve which I’ll celebrate just at home I might get takeout or something and stay up late
-scheduled an eye exam for January 6th so I can get some new glasses so I’m excited about that!
-Going on two little trips to the cafe I like in December to get coffee and dessert
-Christmas in general I’m super excited about I love the holiday season and the winter in general , love snow and we get a lot typically
-Christmas shopping for my sister, niece and friend in December which is fun
-Plus any events in my building upcoming I’m sure there’ll be more craft stuff, coffee days, and we always have a Christmas dinner here too.
-My sister is giving me a keyboard she has. It’s a really high quality one and has weighted keys. The one I have currently is okay but the one she has is so much better, my current one doesn’t have weighted keys. The one she’s giving me was my brother in laws. He passed away a couple years ago.

It’s just gonna be a really awesome couple of months, and I’m super excited

Well I signed up for a new advantage plan. I called the lady and was able to get us appointments to see her before the holidays start. This plan actually pays something towards my Medicare premiums. So I save money every month. It has lower co-pays. Fortunately all my meds are covered. So that’s one thing out of the way.

Now for a small glass of eggnog to celebrate!

My heartburn has been rough today and so has my depression. I really wanted to get takeout for dinner, but I kept putting it off and then I ended up falling asleep and now its late for me, and I'm not hungry.

But I feel better depression wise.

Empty, unpleasant day. I think i felt worse after my ZOOM social hour rather than better.

i feel way less depressed and anxious. i mean im still anxiosu but not sickly 24/7 anxious. i got disability accommodations today at school

I woke up from some crazy dream, dizzy as **** with my heart pounding and the heartburn throwing up thing still going on. I took my blood pressure and its 144/102 and my pulse is 108. I'm trying to calm it down by sitting straight up for a bit.

I feel better. I fell back asleep and I had a protein shake and a breakfast burrito for breakfast.

Good morning. Slept well last night. Read for an hour straight before bed and that helped me fall asleep fast. Not much going on today aside from my violin lesson at 4:30pm. Just a nice chill relaxing weekend. Hope you all have a great weekend

I am not in a good headspace today. I have been up since 3 AM, so I only slept 4.5 hr. I took a 4.5 mile power walk in the dark. I totally feel like quitting all my meds.

I have an extended family early Thanksgiving today with my family. It takes around 1.5 hr. to drive each way. H is driving, but it's a long ride for me, and I'm tired. It always ends up so noisy, and everyone will be all yay, yay, yay about the holidays and how they have completely finished all their Christmas shopping while I haven't even begun). I HATE the holidays. I hate decorating, buying presents, opening presents, extended family/friend meals, Christmas carols, every last bit of it. Oh, and no doubt my whole Republican family will be like, "Yay, Trump won the election! God is definitely watching out for America!" H & I are the ONLY Democrats in my family.

I need to get out of this funk. And my reading has slowed way down too Can't even escape thru books. So sick of this day already, and it's only 7 AM.

OMG, worse just gets to worst. Suddenly, all the drains in our house are backing up with sewage! This day just can't get any better

Something made me check the art place page. My class was canceled. Wish I’d checked it last night. Immm sooo tired I think I’ll go back to bed!