[giddykitty]

Hey all! Just making a thread to better keep in touch since i always lose my place in the main chat thread. Respond or not this is just going to be where i update things. I may have questions along the way. If i feel i dont get enough reply on those, I'll make a separate thread.

Anyway, today was an ok day i guess. Except gosh, now i could name a few things that went wrong, one of them being my husbands aunt died. Another is that my appointment tomorrow got switched from in person to telemed. It's a big change of plans, and frankly, i hate zoom.

Oh i wanted to update on my weight and vraylar and stuff. I was losing weight. Now ive plateauted. I am on my period though, so maybe some of it is bloat. But ive been completely off zoloft for one month now. Still on the vraylar. I dont know what to report anymore. Im unhappy im still at this weight.

Tomorrow ill have more to add since ill have had my appointment with the psychiatrist.

[giddykitty]

Oh did i mention my leg shakes on this forum yet? That's one thing that an in person visit would have been beneficial. I could show her my leg shakes and ask if it seems anything to do with vraylar symptoms.
I hope my psychiatrist didnt get Covid again. I dunno. I feel bad, but im also upset. It's been a few months now since ive seen her and as i said, i hate Zoom appointments.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It's good to see you posting again.

Sorry about the telehealth. I've actually not seen my pdoc since Feb. 2020. The plan is to see her in August. Every time I have planned to see her a new form of COVID has struck. I'm hoping that it doesn't happen this time, all the while watching our numbers go up. Even after all this time I don't like telehealth much. I'm glad to hav it but it is frustrating.

Let us know how it goes!

[*Beth*]

Hi gk, I'm so sorry about your husband's aunt. Will there be a funeral or memorial service?

I absolutely hate telemed. I don't find the trend to be a healthy one, in many respects. I know that covid is a consideration, but with the vaccine and boosters now available I think the covid thing is being dragged out too long.

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Hi gk, I'm so sorry about your husband's aunt. Will there be a funeral or memorial service?

I absolutely hate telemed. I don't find the trend to be a healthy one, in many respects. I know that covid is a consideration, but with the vaccine and boosters now available I think the covid thing is being dragged out too long.

no funeral or memorial service. well, not here anyway. she lived in another country. we will be visiting there but not until october.

[giddykitty]

how did the appointment go? well, considering i was wiping tears the whole visit, not that great. yes, not only was the visit frustrating because of the sound difficulty, she was also frustrating me with questions and suggestions. at the end of it all, i'm going on a new medication i can't even pronounce (i'll get it in my profile soon) CITORLOPRAM (that's probably wrong still.

and I had leg shakes. we're going on a trial of increasing my anxiety meds. if that doesn't work, it's likely the vraylar and I'll have to taper down on that.

i've a headache now from waking up earlier and crying and stuff. not the most fun, but it's over. I hope for some improvements in my crying.

[*Beth*]

I'm almost sure that the other name for the med is Celexa. It's an antidepressant. That's what it seems to be, anyway.

[giddykitty]

Thanks Beth! I meant to look into it, you just saved me time.

I woke up earlier again today, but I'm feeling like going back to bed again. My life is so hard. (So easy its hard?) Hopefully the Celexa will help. Im nervous about side effects.

In other news, i might visit the kids (niece and nephew). It's exciting, but its also stressful or tiring. I dont know if ill have the energy. :/

[bizi]

giddy kitty,
make yourself go do things. get out of your comfort zone.see your family.
If you don't make an effort then you are quitting.These are your people.
bizi

[giddykitty]

i did end up visiting with the kids and it was great. and i even got everything else done that night without too much pain.

it's funny you mention getting out of my comfort zone. I'm currently terrified of driving a car. i haven't done it in over 2 years (pre-Covid) and I thought that's what you were talking about, but i realized I didn't mention it yet. So, I was a little confused at first and panicked. I know I'm supposed to overcome my fear by doing things, but well I haven't exactly had the opportunity to drive either. ugh so scary!

[MuddyBoots]

Funny you mention being terrified of driving a car. I got into two accidents this year (one because I was manic and sleep deprived and another wasn't my fault) and I too am terrified of driving now, but I've managed to get out a few times and even go on some hikes within an hour of here and the other day I even drove somebody else to a 12step meeting. That fear can be overcome!

[giddykitty]

Temporarily (i hope) lost my best friend today. Long story but she needs a break from everything. Im shook. Find myself watching my life with her passing me by. We only have been friends for 2 or 3 years, but it feels like a lifetime we are that close. I just hope she talks to me again soon. Im too fragile to lose tjis friend.

[giddykitty]

feeling sick to my stomach and stressed the last few days. i may go quiet again for a bit. things are occupying my mind and my stomach bothers me the other half of the time. i'm not sure who reads this. probably not the people that need to. i'll try to come back for DMs and such soon.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I hope you feel better soon Giddy.

[giddykitty]

Im back for a moment. Im so overwhelmed. Not only is the immediate matter of what to cook is on my plate, the impending psychiatrist appointment is coming up and then my doctor's appointment thats super early in the morning and out of town is coming up this month. I dont know how im gonna do it all. Oh and then we have our vacations coming up in september and october. Gotta pack like my whole medicine cabinet and i dont know how im gonna fit it in my carry on bag.

Im not exactly doing anything about any of this, except the food stuff, so the anxiety is high. Sigh. All these things got me wondering if i need this forum break. Well thais is my update if im not around for a while.

[bizi]

take care of yourself!
bizi

[giddykitty]

I'm back!!
At least for now.
Will update next time.
The short of it is that I'm no longer dxed with bipolar2, but
I think I'll stick around.

[giddykitty]

Ok, updated my signature to show I'm no longer on Vraylar or any antipsychotics. I've officially lost the label of having bipolar2. I think my last visit with the psychiatrist was last October. I was about to have to sign my life away to get prescriptions. No more free trials and again, filling out an application for meds including all this information i didn't want to have to dig up, and honestly, have to discuss with my husband. He's never really been supportive of my need for mental health services. There, i said it! It's been a real struggle. So, for that reason, among others, I'm relieved that i do not have bipolar2 or anything that serious now. I do still require an antidepressant, mostly for anxiety, but also to help with moods. H still doesn't really like the idea that I'm dependent on this. He just does not understand that it's just like how i need meds for my thyroid. He's a smart guy too! It boggles the mind!

Anyway, so I'm not seeing a psychiatrist anymore. My GP is able to prescribe my ADs. And the Celexa/Citalopram has been enough to help with my anxiety, so I no longer require additional meds for that. I hope and pray that this part of my life stays this simple or gets even better, because I still have several other meds and supplements I take, always or sometimes, to cope with my other issues. Life is certainly not easy for me, even if I don't have bipolar.

Um, not sure really what else to say. In other news, I've been preparing to host H's family this summer. Originally, we thought today his mother would be arriving, but found out on his way to the airport that H had misread the arrival time for the departure time. So, we gotta do it all again tomorrow, but at least I got a little more time to finish last minute things. I really needed that! Oh, and my knees have been bugging me again on and off the past few weeks. I have been trying out some new exercises, also cut back Boswellia doses to every other day instead of daily (supplement for joint health), and sometimes i forget daily fishoil supplement. All of those things and the fact that I'm finishing up another difficult menstrual period, probably have to do with the pain. Also, I'm aging, I guess. Oh yeah, and H never lets me forget it, but I've also gained weight since the Vraylar last year and still have not been able to take it off.

My weight is a big issue too. Well, i mean, at least it's mostly stable, except for menstruating days, but it's still almost the highest it's ever been. And i recently realized that I'm tech ically in the obese category now, according to height and weight. Not sure exactly what my bodyfat percentage is. Muscles might be a factor, because I still can't imagine myself as obese, but yeah, old clothes have definitely stopped fitting me. I did have good test results though last time the doctor tested me, so hoping and praying that stays in the good zone. Because no matter how i exercise or eat, i can't lose weight. I mean, I've definitely gotten back into exercise since the new year, but it hasn't really shown much success yet.

You know what is a pain in the ***? H when his family is coming to visit. I desperately need rest and he keeps telling me to do things. My list is practically done. I don't want to get up from my rest unless i absolutely need to. Like for cooking tonight and to use the facilities. I DO need to get blankets out of the laundry, but i need a place for them first. And i do need to vacuum one small patch, but was going to do it when i get up to cook...maybe it is about time to cook. I mean, i am already hungry and I plan to watch my Wednesday night tv show at 8 (1.5 hours from now) Ok, guess I can suffer knee pain so I can eat. But I'm really not happy about it, and I swear if H asks me for one more thing...(yeah, things have not been great with us, but i keep trying to do my part. I absolutely do not want to be alone at this point in my life or with my specific difficulties. Also, i have no where else to go. Anyway, for another day, perhaps.)

[bizi]

Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your family!
bizi

[giddykitty]

Hey all!

So fyi for this thread, took MIL to visit some more relatives and stayed there for the long weekend. I'm now back from my trip and almost feeling back to normal (like not excessively tired from all the exciting activities of the weekend). This weekend reminded me of much to be thankful for. I really hope I never lose it! We went to visit my inlaws at their place and they are just the sweetest! The kids are so much fun too! <3

[giddykitty]

So all that long rant about not having bipolar2, well, I'm starting to experience some of those hypomanic tendencies or things leading up to it. Last 3 or so days I've been waking up at 8am unable to go to sleep again, even if I'm tired or went to bed at 2am and tossed and turned all night. I'm also more chatty, i feel this restless energy, and I'm really obsessing over an actor too. Oh and the accompanying restless mind and ruminating thoughts and musical earworms...

I'm not spending money or driving recklessly, but i have more fear of spending money, stronger than any impulse, and i don't drive anymore, so i don't speed (anymore. But i use to) I've never ever really gone on any large spending spree, so that's mostly why my pdoc disregarded my symptoms. I don't know. Maybe I'm not hypomanic, but it surely feels familiar to the days when i had insomnia for 4 days and felt euphoria for like the first time in my life.

I'm trying not to do anything too exciting today, although that got kinda depressing so i looked up happy pics of that actor and felt better.

Oh yeah, and I'm struggling to eat today, despite being hungry. Just not really interested, but I'm trying to force things down now.

Thoughts?

[Rosi700]

@giddykitty

The label (diagnose) is not so important. It is that you get the right help adapted for your symptoms that is important. You can read in DSM V at the library. Your GP has the opportunity to use the Unspecified ... diagnose in the bipolar category if he is in doubt. It can take years to diagnose bipolar. As far as I have come to understand it "large spending spree" is not part of bipolar II.

Write down your symptoms and make a new appointment with your GP and be active (talk). You can seek another doctor for a second opinion if you feel unsure.

I hope that it is not your husband's attitude that have had impact on you. Mental problems (sickness) is just as real as physical disorders.

Am sending good hopes your way!

[giddykitty]

Rosi700, I'll reply when i get home

Right now, H and I are taking him in to the hospital to figure out why he's been suffering so much with his sinuses. We think it's a virus. He hasn't been breathing well and even mentioned like shortness of breath last night (I'm a little worried) plus the whole coldflu like symptoms. Really hoping it's not too serious and more importantly, that they have something he can take to feel better as soon as today. Could use some good thoughts right now. Hugs

[Rosi700]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Could use some good thoughts right now. Hugs

Am sending good thoughts your way!

[giddykitty]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

@giddykitty

The label (diagnose) is not so important. It is that you get the right help adapted for your symptoms that is important. You can read in DSM V at the library. Your GP has the opportunity to use the Unspecified ... diagnose in the bipolar category if he is in doubt. It can take years to diagnose bipolar. As far as I have come to understand it "large spending spree" is not part of bipolar II.

Write down your symptoms and make a new appointment with your GP and be active (talk). You can seek another doctor for a second opinion if you feel unsure.

I hope that it is not your husband's attitude that have had impact on you. Mental problems (sickness) is just as real as physical disorders.

Am sending good hopes your way!

First off, thank you so much for your good thoughts about my husband. He got some antibiotics, and we're hoping that will help some, but unfortunately, it sounds like he's going to need another surgery and possibly more every 5 years or maybe even sooner! It's been a pretty depressing day, to be honest.

Which makes it even harder now for me to reply to your first post (cuz i'm in a mood and already stressed about his health and the travel and the costs). I mean, I had legit concerns, but I probably maybe shouldn't have posted about it unless it was super concerning. I mean, because I've been sleeping better now (i mean, i did stay up late last night and was forced to wake up early today to go to the docter, but I was still feeling sleepy like I could have slept AND I took a long nap today and even a short one last night) But yeah, I kinda worry about people's opinion of me here in this subforum, to be honest. I don't want them to think I'm making light of bipolar if I don't have it but I keep whining about "symptoms".

But more to your post. Yeah, of course hubby's opinion has an influence on me. I mean, as much as I wish he wouldn't say things the way he says them, he does have some valid points. Like the cost and the legitamacy of the care here. And unfortunately, I've had experiences to both of those things. Like ...oh i'm too tired to go into much detail, but one example is how my one therapist basically just read word for word from a book for our DBT therapy. Like geesus! I could do that at home, for free, on my computer! And because she was a specialist, she cost even more than regular therapy (which was actually better, but still had it's own issues for me) So like, it's me too that struggles with wanting or having to use the local mental health care system here. And unfortunately, I've talked to my GP about things and while he's helped some, he keeps referring me to see those who specialize in the subject...and he suggested those closer to home (cuz he's like an hour away).
So yeah, frustrating!

But again, I'm feeling better now, so I just feel stupid about my original post (i mean original to our conversation). *facepalms