[violet66]

I am diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and GAD. I have had some very obsessive thoughts lately which I hope aren't caused by my medications. For example, I have felt convinced about a neighbor who must be evil and is out to ruin me. Another more disturbing one is about my young daughter's relationship with her "boyfriend", I am obsessed with it and can't wait to see what happens next. What's worse, I feel like I may be attracted to the boyfriend and he is so young it makes me sick. I think, "Am I a pedophile?" which is ridiculous because I love kids and would never do anything to hurt them. Yet I continue to obsess. I am way to embarrassed and scared to bring the latter obsession up to my therapist, what should I do?

[perpetuallysad]

I'm bipolar 2, with severe/crippling anxiety and extremely obsessive, strange thoughts. The latter, I've been told by my pdoc, is because of OCD. Obviously, I have no clue what may be going on with you, but when I described similar thoughts to my shrink, he said OCD. I know that I get really freaked out sometimes by completely benign things. Ex: My landlady came by to my neighbor's house. She didn't approach me, or really even look my direction, from that day and for about a week later, I was absolutely convinced she was going to kick me out of my house (she has no logical reason to do this). I couldn't make myself walk out of the door of my house no matter how much I could logically convince myself that this fear was absurd. It actually took my BF talking to the lady and assuring me that everything was fine before I could even do anything other than continuously look out the window, terrified she would be out there, jump at every passing car (thinking it was her), etc. As far as the boyfriend of your daughter, I just don't know what to say other than I have intrusive thoughts about extremely strange/sometimes hurtful/weird/scary things that I would NEVER do, but the ideas pop into my head and I cannot stop them, in fact, when I try, it usually makes it way worse.

Hell, saying all of this "out loud" makes me feel really freaking weird.

[violet66]

Thanks for posting, perpetuallysad. I know what you mean by feeling freaking weird. Right now I feel totally insane!

[TexSinginMom]

You have gone this far in sharing with us...share this with yur therapist...they have heard it all...trust em.

[violet66]

Thanks, TexSinginMom. I'm just afraid this will go into my files and eventually someone I know will find out about it. Or worse, he contacts the police

[TexSinginMom]

I know. Some therapist are trigger happy like that. Maybe you can dance around the issue a bit without giving ALL the info. Are you taking any meds for these thoughts?

[violet66]

I am not sure if my meds help with obsessive thoughts...I will have to ask him

[perpetuallysad]

I would talk to my pdoc honestly about it all,I really would. Geeze, the things I have told mine I would NEVER utter in front of anyone else, but I feel completely safe that he would never reveal them to anyone, for any reason. Thank goodness there is patient confidentiality...

Now, on the other hand, if you told your pdoc you did act on the obsession with the young boy, I think he would be legally bound to do something about it.

Actions and thoughts are 2 entirely different things and we aren't yet in a society that has thought police, so hopefully just expressing the truth won't get you into any sort of "trouble".

[violet66]

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. I did tell my pdoc and he assured me it was normal for me to find a child beautiful and be attracted to one in a non-sexual way. So I am definitely *not* a pedophile, just a worrywart.