[browneyes106]

I was diagonsed a few months ago with bipolar II. My parents and my sister know. But I feel shouldn't hide it from my relatives. I also worry about freaking them out. I really want to tell them. Can anyone give me any advice on how to tell them.

I find the general public is not that educated about bipolar & WILL freak out (think you are dangerous, etc.) & avoid you or fear you or watch you intently to see if you are displaying symptoms.

I haven't told anyone else in my family except my kids (grown now) & husband who have seen me struggle 1st hand & are relieved that the treatment I am being given works MOST of the time.

I vote for not disclosing until you know they are open to learning about the disorder or already are enlightened.

I have had to tell family members I've had some "bouts of depression" which seems to be much more acceptable than being dxed with bipolar.--Suzy

[Liberada]

what Suzy said

[Schatje]

Hi browneyes,

This is going to be quite long, but I feel very strongly about this subject. Telling people you are bipolar can be touchy and most people keep it to themselves as much as possible because of the stigma attached to mental illness, but I am much like you and wanted to tell my family. I felt that I needed to be honest, because of the possibility that someone else in our family may have the same problem and to prove that being bipolar is not akin to being diseased.

I am a wife and mother, I am a daughter and granddaughter, I am a friend, I am intelligent, I am creative, I am everyone's confidant, I am the sensitive one who understands, I am the one that was told all my life that I can do whatever I put my mind to, and I am also bipolar II. I am not crazy or scary or pathetic like many think those who are mentally ill are and since being diagnosed I have felt the need to educate those I know about the face behind mental illness. I know that I am just one person and my honesty will not change the world’s views on mental illness, but my silence will not change anyone's hearts or minds at all. I may be judged harshly yes, but I may also help facilitate some change to the stigma that keeps us in the "closet."

I would like to make the following suggestions.

1- Put as positive a spin on the subject as possible. I know that putting a positive spin on bipolar seems impossible, but here are some ideas. Those who are bipolar are usually very intelligent and creative people and if you google famous bipolar people you will see that many famous names in history were bipolar; Florence Nightingale, Plato, Abraham Lincoln, Buzz Aldrin, Issac Newton, Beethoven, Rosemary Clooney, Cary Grant, and Robert Frost just to name a few. We are in very good company.

2- Be as through in the clinical explanation of the disease as possible. It helps to tell people that bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain causing neurotransmitters to communicate using too much or too little information causing fluctuating moods. This helps explain that this is not simply an emotional problem, but that bipolar is very much a physical problem too. I would also include that bipolar runs in families. This helps back up the physical aspect of the disease. For many people understanding that bipolar is not all about being emotionally unstable and that there is a physical reason for the mood swings shows people that you can't help that you are a manic-depressive. Far too many people think that if you are mentally ill you are weak and should be able to pull yourself up by your boot straps and get better or that you are just imaging things. Helping people understand that this disease is rooted in the physical can make a big difference.

3- Explain how bipolar is treated/controlled. To far too many people being diagnosed with a mental illness means your life is over, but by talking about your treatment it helps show others that you are taking care of yourself and that life is far from over for you. Acknowledge that life isn’t easy for you and that this is an illness that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life, but that you have a good course of treatment and that with support and medication you can live a great life (see all those great people above). If you use a disease such as diabetes as an example, weird I know, it helps put it in terms that more people can understand. If you are diabetic you have to take medication, watch what you eat, etc. for the rest of your life. With bipolar you have to take medication, watch for triggers, etc for the rest of your life. If you have a favorite book or even pamphlet on bipolar offering it to your audience can open up a dialogue, or help others who do not understand what you are saying, are too shocked to understand, or too embarrassed to ask questions to understand the illness.

4- Be very sure you want to tell because you can’t take it back once you do. Once you tell word is bound to get around and this may negatively affect you. Telling can take a bit of courage because, being bipolar is more than enough to deal with without having to worry about people judging you. Just be very sure that this is what you want for yourself before you do something you can’t take back.

I’m sure that most people wouldn’t agree with what I have to say, but I hope you find it of some help.

Good Luck!

[Clandestine]

Schatje, that was a very helpful post. Thank you! ;]

Only two people in my life know I'm bipolar - the friend I met at the psychiatric ward who lives in the same country as mine, and a friend who lives in another country. It's hard not to have someone in the family not know of my condition. It's crazy as hell. >.<

Like what Suzy5654 said, it's really hard to tell people especially if they are not open to the idea itself. I live in Asia, which is rather a conservative atmosphere for such mental illness, like Bipolar Disorder. In my country, if they know you have mentall illness, they think you're crazy. SO NO THANKS.

My family and close circle of friends just know that I was admitted at the hospital for clinical depression, but they all think my illness was just a phase in my life. When they see me happy lately, they think I'm fine and okay for the rest of my life. What they do not know is I just put a mask of happiness >.<

It's great that at least, your family and close friends know about you being bipolar. ;] I do suggest that in the mean time, you leave it that way first until you have coped and learned that the people you plan to tell your illness to are also open-minded and eager enough to learn about your being bipolar.

Goodluck ;]

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

[Seraph]

I'm pretty sure my absolute best friend knows. I mentioned that I might be bipolar (long ago), and he absolutely couldn't believe it. He didn't have a strong knowledge about bipolar though. I think he did some research and put two and two together because he knows now. He always makes little comments and lets me know when I'm manic, and he drags me out of my room when I'm depressed. I can tell by his comments when I'm manic before I even realize it usually. (i.e. I say things that make no sense and I get overly enthusiastic about little things) He's kind of my mania detector now.

Another friend saw my antidepressants, and he looked at me and said "but you're not depressed?" I just told him I'm not depressed because of the antidepressants. We just left it at that.

The rest of my friends are convinced I have ADHD. They came to that conclusion on their own, and I don't deny it. Turns out ADHD doesn't have much stigma, so I just go with it. It's fun to joke about. My manic symptoms do mirror ADHD anyway. It just comes and goes.

My parents have seen the antidepressants as well, but mental illness runs very strong on one side of my family. They weren't surprised and didn't say much about it. I told them I thought I was bipolar a long time ago, and they couldn't believe it either. I just left it at that. They think I'm just a depressive like everyone else in my family. (Of course, their depressions don't involve breaking property and rage flashes...)

I don't really tell anyone else. if the subject comes up, I'll mention I'm a depressive. Most people just shrug. Most everyone knows someone on antidepressants. I know more than I can count. I don't mention the fact that I'm bipolar though. I know a very open bipolar, and stigma never seems to be a problem for her. I just don't care to tell anyone.

If anyone ever sees the Lamictal, I think I'm just going to say "it helps me," and leave it at that. I'm not about to be defined by the bipolar label. It's just another one of my quirks.

If you do tell people, be prepared for reactions you did not expect beforehand. I was surprised that nobody believed me, but I do function very well between episodes. I just don't think the average person believes you can be bipolar and intelligent.

[ECHOES]

just curious why you feel a need for them to know

I am Bipolar 1 for over 12 years.

I only tell people if I think that (1) I could be a danger to them or (2) I am in a relationship of mutual caring (like husband).

In my opinion, it is no one's business. Would you tell everyone if you had diabetes? or cancer? or HIV?

No matter how much you explain, they will NOT understand.