Cyclothymia-just diagnosed and confused

Hi everyone. I was diagnosed this past Thursday (8/28/08) with cyclothymia. Prior to that, I had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and the psych put me on 60 mg of cymbalta with 12.5 mg of Ambien CR to help me sleep. Now, with the new diagnosis, the psych has added Lamictal to the mix--we're starting with 25mg and will slowly build the dose to avoid side affects.

Somehow, I didn't feel like I fit in with the description of MDD. But, I've been to 5 specialists in the last year, each not finding a reason for my problem of possible seizures and referring to the next specialist. This psych was the last referral. Although, I wasn't sure of his initial diagnosis, I feel he's nailed my problems with his new diagnosis of Cyclothymia.

The past few weeks, my moods would switch from high to low in the same day or within a few days. Lately, I would switch from low to high to low within the same day everyday and my anxiety level can get very high. My high moods were very irritable and agitated, at times even angry. I would get frightened during the lows because dark thoughts had been getting darker with time and the last few weeks I have wanted to end my life and last weekend, I knew where and how. That is why I went to the psych this past Thursday for an emergency visit & asked my husband to come with me so he could ask questions or answer some maybe I couldn't.

It's hard sometimes to realize some of my behavior or feelings aren't normal reactions to everyday type problems or circumstances. Until recently, I have had my emotions so tightly reined in and been in pretty good control most of the time. I've kept myself reined in since childhood after getting smacked or spanked for having a smart mouth. No one taught me encouraged me to express opposing opinions with my parents without being disrespectful. I was not allowed to question my parents' decisions. (I have made sure to teach my kids how to express their disagreements, sometimes with highly charged emotions, while staying respectful.) I guess I have been a time bomb waiting to explode.

At 56, it is VERY hard to accept that my lifetime feelings of somehow not totally fitting in with the general population, epecially as I've gotten older, now have a definite REASON. I've shied away from social situations and even having close friends. Except for my husband and children, my relationships are, for the most part,on the level of aquaintances. I guess I've instinctively kept myself isolated to avoid inevitably encountering situations which would trigger unacceptable behavior.

Until now, I guess I have hidden myself successfully, even from MYSELF!

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. I feel confused about everything at this time (although I am experiencing a wonderful happy high right now and in the back of my mind I know the awful night will fall again).

hi there,
I jsut wanted to offer you a hug and know that this is a great place to offer and get emotional support.
welcome to psych central!
bizi

Welcome to PC!

I forgot to add that I like the lamictal...it has antidepressant qualities....I have been on this for a couple of years...and have been stable ....I am bipolar 1, I just got off of ambien....I sleep fair now but no drugged feeling in the morning. Just to let you know....not to scare you or anything....antidepressants can push us over the edge and make us manic....agitated, angry, anxious etc....kind of mixed moods too.
welcome again!
bizi

Hi JourneyUpward

Love your username, BTW! Yes, rapid cycling stinks, mine can change in a matter of hours, or even minutes. I do have a good regimine of drugs and a wonderful therapist, which has proven to do wonders together.

Good luck and keep us updated!

dee

im bipolar2/raipid cycling and lamictal has really saved me. you'll love it. its approved for bipolar depression and mania. its great.

Welcome. Getting a proper dx makes a huge difference and adding on a medication like Lamictal is a big step on getting control of your moods back. I'm on Lamictal myself and LOVE how I feel now. Be patient with this drug as it takes a while to move yourself up to a theraputic dosage due to possible side effects.

I know how you feel when you say that it is hard to realize some of your behavior or feelings aren't normal reactions. I have felt for a long time as if my mind has betrayed me and I can't trust how I feel. I began using my husband as a measuring stick for my emotions. For a long time I would ask, "should I be feeling this way?"

Remember we are always here to help if you need support.

Hello,

I'm jamox01 and I was just diagnosed with Cyclothymic Disorder last week. I'm so glad that I finally have an answer for all my past actions and behaviors. The diagnosis sure does fit the way I have felt for a long time but now that I have a diagnosis I'm really scared and full of anxiety about the future. I am unemployed and with this I just don't know how my life will ever be the same. Like you I have contact with very few people; I actually have hidden from my family in a dark room. I guess we will both have to take it one day at a time and hope for the best. There isn't a whole lot of information on the disorder on the internet but there is enough that I'm starting to understand it a little. Keep me posted on how your doing and drop me a message if you want to chat sometime.

jamox01

I forgot to add in my last post that I did find something you may want to read. Its long but it gives a better picture of what Cyclothymic Disorder is and you may want to read it!
http://www.corexcel.com/courses3/cyclothymia.title.htm

After years and years of being diagnosed with depression and trying every antidepressant known, my psychiatrist is leaning more toward Bipolar or Cyclothymic Disorder. I just started Lamictal and like it so far. I saw my ups in that my antidepressant was working, but during my last down cycle, my psychiatrist doubled my Prozac dose and sent me straight into my first full blown manic phase. OMG-it was the weirdest thing ever!! I actually kinda enjoyed it at first, because I felt so good, but eventually the good turned into irritability and anger. The Lamictal is calming things down.
Hope it works for you, too!!

Hiya

I too was diagnosed with Cyclothymia, just in December. When I read up about it on the internet I bawled my eye out just at the fact I have a name for my illness now and the descriptions were spot on. Anyone close I have told about it has NEVER even heard of it. I am now finally realising that at 32, that it is going to be a part of my life and I just have to accept it. Stange thing is, I look on my sad cycle now as it WILL pass even though it doesnt feel like it at the time.