[dance59326]

I'm trying very hard not to relapse, but I'm really having difficulties right now. I'm really fighting the urges to hurt myself, but can't let anyone know. I'm really scared right now and don't know what to do about it. I'm also changing the way how I dress again back to the gothic style mode. I'm nervous and feel that I can't function in the "real world" because there's no place for me in a facility that would treat me in a good fit plan. I feel like the worst misfit in the world right now and am currently becoming a chew and biter on myself versus cutting, scratching, and burning (using a knife, needle, finger nails, anything I could get my hands on). I haven't self-harmed for exactly 8 months to this day, but really don't know what to do with myself. I can't land back in the hospital. I don't have the chance nor the choice. I need some support badly because I can't talk to anyone or show any of my emotions. There's so much pressure going on at my home with my family that I can't afford it. My mom would basically go beserk again and flip out, become so stressed that her health deteriorates, and then be short, mean, snappy, and grouchy. As it is, whenever I try to use a calming strategy, she gets mad and is like, "You don't need a calming choice right now, it's time to WORK!!! You aren't helping me and I need it now. You can't leave this house until all the tasks I need to be completed are completed!" She doesn't relate at all to me and really doesn't carry any empathy for me. I'm so mad at her that I'm just down to crying. I need help, but am bottling it all up and am just trying to keep my head above water. Where's the love when you need it??? because it's never there when I certanly need it. My life is just a pile of f***ing c*** and miserable s***!!! F*** this life of mine!!!!! I hate it all and just want to get rid of it!!!!!!!!

[Puffyprue]

hi....you always can talk to me... and everyone here ..thats why we all here ,right?
you can do ur hobiies like painting writing just something you like to do...
if you need to talk you can always pm me..
hope everything will be okay soon ..

[nicegurl2]

Hi..I understand what ur going through.. i know its hard but hang in there..if u ever need someone to talk to im here..and everyone else is also

[vrba44070]

Dance,
Is there a local peer support group you can find in your area? I'm talking about a local Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) meeting or a National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Peer to Peer meeting? Google these terms and search for your area. You need to talk to more than a discussion board right now, I think. I go to a peer run support group that is offered thru meetup.com. Try these things, they might relieve the pressure you seem to be feeling. My parents didn't understand and took my illness personally too. They've finally changed and came around, but it took awhile. Good luck.