[Rebound]

Hey folks, on the chance that some of you may have been wondering why I haven't been in chat or posting much lately, I thought perhaps I should let you know what's up. I'm sure most of you will be able to relate.

When I joined the site, I was having an up period, then seemed to be in a mixed state for quite a while. During that time, I could come on, talk a blue streak in the chat room, post lots, etc. But lately, I've been on a downslide, and my anxiety has become increasingly worse. As a result, I've often looked to see who was in chat, only to leave because I don't think I can handle it. Same goes for posting, I have been reading the posts, but deleted many responses before posting because I'm not sure of what I am saying. This is the exception that proves the rule I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know I'm still here... just keeping to myself a lot I guess... hopefully I will become more active again in time. Take care all.

[kybodyguard]

Just Stopping By To say Hello

[sqrlb8]

Hi Reb, hang in there. Sorry to hear you're on the down side. My own posting is hit and miss for the same reason. Us and untold others, no doubt. Glad you could drop a line. It will pass. I know you know that, but what else is there to say to eachother at such a time? Even my joke well is dry today. Maybe we're genuine lunatics, the moon looked pretty full to me last night. Maybe I'll climb up on the roof and have a proper howl.

[h0kie]

Glad you are ok. Post when you can.

[Leslie]

(((((((((((((((((((((rebound)))))))))))))))))

Hang in there, we are still here for you.

take care,
leslie

i hope you are doing ok...

[SS8282]

(((((((((((((((rebound)))))))))))))am thinking of you. Take care hon.

[Fuzzybear]

Glad you're still around, hang in there... ((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

[Rebound]

Thanks for all the kind words folks. They are much appreciated. As it happens, at the moment i'm sorta oscillating back and forth between feeling sorta good and feeling sorta bad.. at least no extremes for now. I think the seroquel may be helping to keep me from swinging too far either way. The only problem with that stuff is how much I am sleeping, i.e. way too much. But I geuss I can't complain, it's a whole lot better than the uncontrollable extremes I was experiencing.

There have been a few exceptions to the more level mood I have been in, though. First, there are these nasty rages I have been flying into lately. Not just angry, but the "standing in the street screaming" type. The other day, I was trying to get a check cashed without having to deposit it in my account (to prevent having to wait to access the funds) and my bank referred me to the bank the check was issued from. When I got there I was told they would not cash it unless I had an account, and in order to open an account I would have to make an appointment. I flipped out. Went totally apes**t. The only thing that stopped me from causing some major property and physical damage was fear of being arrested. I finally just left but came very close to smashing the glass door on the way out, but again, held back to avoid getting locked up. It's the second such time I've flipped out like that lately and it has me a bit worried. Ok, a lot worried. Unfortunately, my first appointment with a therapist got cancelled because of the last storm we had so I still haven't seen him. I'm interested in hearing what you folks think of that. There was also a time when I rounded a corner in my apartment, coming into the living room, and for a split second thought I saw someone sitting in the chair at my computer. It scared the absolute living daylights out of me even though I realized very quickly that there was no one there.

i guess we bipolars are very alike cuz we share the same experiences.....
when i was taking depakote, i went through the exact same thing! the best word to describe the feeling is volatile.
after my own experience with this, i have come up with a personal hypothesis that this state is caused by the meds elevating your mood.... i got able to tolerate such an extreme low, that a sight elevation can cause me to feel as if i have found happiness... but i am still in an extreme low... with increased energy and irritibility. my mind struggles to break freer from this low, and as my body and mind adjust to the medication,my mood is slowly rising, this is a form of unstable... unstable in an upward direction.
i think its the instability of mood that causes me to become so flammable.

[Rebound]

That's the thing about any med tho, isnt it? Unless a behavioural change is quite remarkable (either good or bad), there's no way to know how much of it is because if the med, and how much of it is in spite of the med. That bugs me to no end, lemme tell ya.

[sqrlb8]

Hi Reb, good to hear from you again albeit in the throws of battle. I get auditory psychosis when it all gets to a certain point. And the rages you describe born in frustration and typically with beaurocracies, are one of the reasons I avoid so many things. I hope you regain some middle feeling soon. Sleep is a good thing for now, eh? Hang in.