[BNLsMOM]

Hi there,
I have been speaking with a therapist after a weird experience with a different one who immediately put me on meds with no explanation other than to say she thinks I am bipolar. I got very sick and I don't remember Christmas. I still pull things out of boxes and ask my husband, "what's this?" At any rate, I was so sick from the meds that I took myself off them, and left that practice. I was feeling pretty good for a while. I am with a new therapist, my original goal was marriage counseling, but as I began to feel depressed again, I decided that Itrusted this therapist and told him what had happened. We went over my history and he agrees that there is a bipolar pattern to my previous actions.

He is not a psychiatrist, so I made an appointment to see one. The earliest they have is June.

I am trying to learn everything I can about bipolar so that I can learn to deal with it and learn to advocate for myself. I have two kids and I want them to have a safe and happy life. They deserve a healthy mom, so I want to take responsibility for this.

At first I thought these patterns went back about 15 years to when I was in college, but I wonder if it goes back further...

Anyway, that's a bit about me. This diagnosis scares me because I don't know what will happen with meds, or if I would ever be hospitalized. I took a couple of online quizzes here, and it seems that I am experiencing a moderate to severe depression and a moderate to severe mania at the same time...

I hope to get some real world insight as almost everything I have read so far is really clinical.

[gravyyy]

Welcome to the forum! I think one of the biggest things I learned in my process with Bipolar II disorder is that things can be very challenging and unpredictable. I ended up needing a 2 week hospitalization last summer but have really managed to keep safe and under control over the past year and a half. There is no way to definitively say you will or won't need to be in the hospital. With a good outpatient team, the right meds, and hard work and compliance on your part you should find your situation to be manageable. I take meds, some of them pretty heavy-duty but still manage to stay active with a full-time career, manage my home duties, and manage taking classes toward my Master's degree. I have weekly therapy sessions and see the psychiatrist for close medication management which is annoying but it's a necessary evil I suppose. I wish you the best in finding quality treatment. If you have questions or commments or just need to post to get something off you chest, you're always free to do that here. Good Luck!!

[dearyou]

I wouldn't put too much into online tests. They're not valid diagnostic tools and while they may help you recognize things you would talk to your doctor about, if you're feeling like it is at that point, they're not entirely accurate.