[sqrlb8]

"Surf or die."

I used to hear that sometimes among surfers, one of those jokes that carries some truth with it. While on the one hand an affirmation of one's love for surfing, on another level it is exactly the proposition one faces when "in" the surf. Even a small wave is able to thrash a body as easily as you might a rag doll. A large wave pounds you, tumbles you, dashes you against the coral bottom, holds you under, and before you can recover from the devastation, the next one has you in it's frothy fist. Surf of die.

Right away you get the idea that the force of the wave demands that you align yourself with it. No resistance can prevail against the wave. But you can meet it, receive it, fit yourself to it, and eventually, ride it in an expression of balance and beauty and harmony that can take your breath away.

The first time I ever rode inside the curl of a wave, in control of my speed on the face of the wave, moving up and down its slope, an extended moment of perfection to be sure, I became struck by the indifference of the wave and my utter insignificance to its inexorable journey to the beach. The wave is going to the beach, with or without me, and with not one drop of water more or less depending on my "ride" or my anihilation.

At the end of a day of surfing, there is no evidence of it having ever happened. No trail. But you are changed by it. Deepened. You have aligned yourself to meet, receive, and transform an encounter with a devastating force into an expression of balance and beauty.

Sadly, or at least ironically, this epiphany preceeded my breakdown by only weeks, but endures as one of my most instructive metaphors for dealing with bipolar.

My cycles are the waves. I am in the surf. I must surf or die.

Like many of you, the first wave nearly killed me. And before I could quite catch my breath, the next one was upon me. But just like someone finding themselves in heavy surf, I begin to see what it means to align myself with these waves.

My guess is that we all develop an alignment sense with our cycles. Even unconciously, we must be doing it, or else we are so much flotsam in the bipolar tide. What are some of the things you do to ride these waves?

[nothemama8]

When I'm up it's like belly surfing Im on top of the world going faster and faster, things speeding by, the exeleration, the power, it's unbelieveable, then I chrash and the pain is so raw, my belly is on fire, the tears don't stop, then it's up again, I like it but it don't like me
Angie

[sqrlb8]

Indeed, the crash wants to equal the high in intensity. Part of what ends up describing how well I rode the wave is discretion. I have to choose so carefully how I indulge the manic side because to fuel it is also to fuel the depression side to follow. For example, writing a poem doesn't get me in trouble quite like joining a militant revolutionary group might, and yet both are expressions of my manic side. Some activities amount to utilizing the different energies and some are more like the foolishness of trying to stand on your head while surfing. I'm always trying to learn the difference it seems, and expanding the list of things to do during each side.

Thanks for reading and thinking about it Angie. tc.

[h0kie]

Great analogy sqrl...glad to see you around again.

[sqrlb8]

Thanks, 1day, I've been around though, just sticking to the tree tops. lol.

When I'm manic I try to focus my thought on paper and follow through with as many of the productive ones as I can. I usually end up with a spotless house, caught up on all my work, and end up with nothing to do. This in turn helps when I crash. I'm don't feel so bad about not getting things done because they're already done. I'm free to try to relax and attempt to take my mind off of things. Maybe this sounds silly, but it along with the meds seem to make the ride more bearable. Wonderful analogy sqrl.

[sqrlb8]

That's a great example Ryan, thanks. Focusing on my mundane stuff helps me too. And I can be pretty sure I won't feel like it when I'm down. lol.

[TgrsPurr]

This is an excellent analogy sqrl...while I've never surfed, I can certainly clearly imagine what it is your talking about. I once vacationed in Hawaii, we went to a beach on i think it was Maui island called "slaughter house beach" because the waves there were so massive ppl got slaughtered by them all the time, I did go in the water and swam out to where the waves were at their most massive and got smashed by one of these waves, it was horrifying! (My mother actually lost her bikini bottom...it got ripped right off her by the wave!) Anyway, it was only when I surrendered to the crush of the waves and allowed it to naturally bring me back to the surface and ultimately back to the safety of the shore line that I was able to survive it. I went with the flow and the flow delivered me. Simply divine. TgrsPurr.

[darkeyes]

Wow! What a deep, and beautifull analogy, thanks for sharing this with us and the forum.

Thanks,
DE

[TheCheshireCat]

Very elegant analogy, mate. I've yet to learn not to be hypnotized and seduced by the sudden creative eruption in my tripped-out, buzz-thrilled, helium-filled, put-the-pedal-to-the-medal-and-who-cares-how-it-all-falls-out-willed mind when the luscious mania foams white and turquoise around me and hoists me and my "board" aloft. And as you say, the wipe-outs are that much more devastating for my recklessness, not only because of the descent into the briny deep but also because I can still remember, from the bottom of the sea, the high-octane smell of the salt atop my transient mountain of water, and the things I could do while I stood astride it. Quite the pisser. Ta. Cheshire Cat

[darkeyes]

I think your reply is to sqrl, not me, I only replied, but I wish I had written it

((((((((((((((( for y'all here ))))))))))))))))

[sqrlb8]

Thanks all, analogies are great fun. I find I can connect dots I couldn't otherwise see sometimes by using metaphor, parable, reversal or any kind of shift from center in my thinking.