I have a problem where I hate it when people can't be the way I want them to behave or act around me. I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder and therefore can have severe mood swings. When I can't find polite, uplifting, trustworthy people which is almost 100% of the time if not 100% of the time, I isolate myself, beat myself up emotionally, and lock myself up in my own world. I do many things on my own, but I know that I am only hiding from the real emotional part of me who wants to love another human being and be loved in return. Help!

[Jewels]

dear joe...yes...that is the heart of being BPD...its an all or nothing disease and just doesn't get any easier...especially when you are in the throws of black and white thinking...there is no gray area for those who are BPD...and many people lose friends and work and other areas because the black/white thinking pervades even the sightest areas of life...but if you can, find a few books to read on BPD and see if they make sense to you...the ones I have that I really like are Sometimes I Act Crazy by Jerold J Kreisman and Hal Straus, and some others I like are Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Reiland (a first person account of how she got well and is no longer BPD), Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T Mason (for those in your intimate life who would like a book on how to deal with those of us who have BPD), and Comes the Darkness Comes the Light by VAnessa Vega-a book on SH including c*tting, and how to recognize when you are going into that phase and different ways to keep from doing it. Hope this helps.

Yahna

[ECHOES]

It was very hard but very rewarding to learn to slow things down. To slow down my thoughts so I could understand my expectations, how I was believing my own thoughts as the truth rather than being open minded and hearing what others can contribute to my experiences.

Yes I want to be loved too... there is so much there in that wish. So much to explore and learn about how you think about that, what you expect, what you fear, why you think things happen, etc. Very interesting stuff and the intimacy with the therapist is a wonderful bonus (and scary sometimes too, even when I crave it!--even more to explore! )