[BrokenNBeautiful]

I just shared in the thread, "Hmmm" about my therapist. It seems like I'm withdrawing not only from her, but from a lot of people.

there's something in me that just keeps saying, "don't trust! Hey, you're DOING IT AGAIN! DON"T TRUST, BILLI! FOOL! You're going to get hurt again!"

I talked again in group therapy. they said, good, billi. You opened up. Oh, g*d. I'm too open. I always get hurt. That's how I always give away my power. I'm so tired of it! I either trust too much or too little. I can't get it right!

so I give up, now.

I've stopped making friends.

I've stopped trying.

Now I've stopped with therapists, too.

Maybe I should just figured out this borderline stuff on my own. Ther's books, right? I can read, right? I don't have to keep bothering people with stuff anymore.

Billi

[Michah]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I just shared in the thread, "Hmmm" about my therapist. It seems like I'm withdrawing not only from her, but from a lot of people.

there's something in me that just keeps saying, "don't trust! Hey, you're DOING IT AGAIN! DON"T TRUST, BILLI! FOOL! You're going to get hurt again!"

I talked again in group therapy. they said, good, billi. You opened up. Oh, g*d. I'm too open. I always get hurt. That's how I always give away my power. I'm so tired of it! I either trust too much or too little. I can't get it right!

so I give up, now.

I've stopped making friends.

I've stopped trying.

Now I've stopped with therapists, too.

Maybe I should just figured out this borderline stuff on my own. Ther's books, right? I can read, right? I don't have to keep bothering people with stuff anymore.

Billi

Sweetie, what made you think that your post is a trigger? Do you feel that by being angry, despondant and mistrusting it is going to make us feel bad? Not at all honey. remember, we have been and still go through what you are experiencing. This is one place that you do not need to be afraid.

Getting help can often feel like you are in peoples way and yes you can educate yourself but it is very difficult to "treat" yourself. You really need a professional for that.

Stop beating yourself up for not trusting at all and trusting too much.....THIS IS THE ILLNESS TALKING!! Not you as a person.......make the distinction. Please, do not give up. I don't have all the answers but what I do know is that you have been very brave in talking on here and you need to keep going. Find that faith!!, roll with the punches!! Get up everyday and PURSUE healing even if you feel like hell. YOU MUST!!!

C'mon babe......you.....can.....do.....it!! Big, Big hugs to you...... You WILL survive this.....

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Borderline is a terrible vicious circle: The more I resist therapy and help, the more I rebel against love, the more I shut down, the less people understand me and the less they want to help, the less I trust them, and the worse I feel... ( cant' even put a face to how I feel. )

Billi

[Michah]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

Borderline is a terrible vicious circle: The more I resist therapy and help, the more I rebel against love, the more I shut down, the less people understand me and the less they want to help, the less I trust them, and the worse I feel... ( cant' even put a face to how I feel. )

Billi

I so know babe.......I hear you so loud and clear(*sigh*)........I am going through a bit of stuff at the moment(chronic physical illness) and i am struggling big time. My core schemas are having a field day........

I am going to have a cry about how revolting I feel.......lets get better together......WE CAN DO IT!!!

[JayS]

Originally Posted by billi_leli

I just shared in the thread, "Hmmm" about my therapist. It seems like I'm withdrawing not only from her, but from a lot of people.

there's something in me that just keeps saying, "don't trust! Hey, you're DOING IT AGAIN! DON"T TRUST, BILLI! FOOL! You're going to get hurt again!"

I talked again in group therapy. they said, good, billi. You opened up. Oh, g*d. I'm too open. I always get hurt. That's how I always give away my power. I'm so tired of it! I either trust too much or too little. I can't get it right!

so I give up, now.

I've stopped making friends.

I've stopped trying.

Now I've stopped with therapists, too.

Maybe I should just figured out this borderline stuff on my own. Ther's books, right? I can read, right? I don't have to keep bothering people with stuff anymore.

Billi

Originally Posted by billi_leli

Borderline is a terrible vicious circle: The more I resist therapy and help, the more I rebel against love, the more I shut down, the less people understand me and the less they want to help, the less I trust them, and the worse I feel... ( cant' even put a face to how I feel. )

Billi

Hi Billi,

I know how you feel, I have been going through this exact same thing for years, I've pushed everyone I know and care about away, and it's driving crazy. Sometimes I feel just like giving up. And what makes things worse is I'm to scared to go get checked to even see if I have borderline, but I'm sure I do.

You just have to try and not let your feelings win, I know it's hard to do, even I'm struggling to fight my fears, I lose more then I win but I'm trying.

Maybe you should express how you feel to your T and let it go from there. I really do think that is the best thing for you.

Jay

[Starbuck1128]

Billi:
Take it from with BPD: 1) it gets Way better as you get older! and 2) don't shut down...it only hurts worse...isolation sucks..keep posting..you're not bothering anybody!