I had an appointment yesterday to see my psychologist I have been seeing on a weekly basis for about 10 months now. I have borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. We focus mainly on communication skills lately. Today I thought it was interesting that my psychologist did not want me to look at people as all "bad." He said specifically to me that when I have bad experiences with certain individuals who are consistently, on a regular basis, always acting in ways that are not respectful to me or who are hurtful toward me, then, that is a red flag that I should stay away and or create healthy bounderies with them; however, there are many who are going to display sooner or later "bad" traits but not always. He also pointed out that I fit into this catergory too and so does he. Now these types of individuals may be worthy to have around maybe even as friends. My psychologist said that he did not want me to look at people through the lens of seeing all people as all "bad" or all "good." This is the hallmark of someone who has borderline personality disorder and this type of thinking causes mood swings, anger, frustration, and depression.

[Trying & Caring]

Yes, I think Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (designed for borderline, but helpful in many other mental illness as I also have bipolar) teaches about "Radical Acceptance." Part of that is realizing we cannot change a person's thoughts, emotions or behaviors so we have to choose to accept them or if they are unacceptable, as in immoral in our eyes, we break our relationship w/that person.

I wanted my husband to be offended by what I was, livid about what I was upset about, etc. He is very easy going & live & let live type of person (thankfully or he would have divorced me long ago), but I kept trying to change the world to accommodate me so I wouldn't feel any distress...

Through DBT I've learned how to "pick my battles" as I used to make a crusade out of EVERYTHING. If something was unjust, or people were rude, or whatever I was in a mode of "attack."

Now I realize I have to accept a lot of things that I don't agree with. But for my mental health I cannot attack every issue that comes my way. "Radical Acceptance" & then learning coping skills!!

[ECHOES]

Learning to see others, and ourselves, in the many shades between black and white is a wonderful gift that makes the world feel very different.

You don't have to avoid people. Understanding your perceptions and feeling okay with others not being the way we want them to be means you are free to be around anyone and they can be themselves just like you can be yourself.

[Fuzzybear]

[Hope]

I agree with you Echoes. I like what you said. You are right we don't have to avoid people. We just need to be ourselves and not worry if we will be accepted, some will like us, some will not and respecting their right to be themselves. We can choose weather who we want to socialize with and who not to but I agree be ourselves and let them be theirselves. Our differences do bring a wonderful gift to our world. Our personailites, etc bring us together, we are not meant to stay apart and avoid one another.

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Learning to see others, and ourselves, in the many shades between black and white is a wonderful gift that makes the world feel very different.

You don't have to avoid people. Understanding your perceptions and feeling okay with others not being the way we want them to be means you are free to be around anyone and they can be themselves just like you can be yourself.

[ECHOES]

When we are able to realize that we can have more than one feeling about something, that extends to others and ourselves too. We might not like that someone does "this" but we really like it when they do "that" and that's okay to have both of those feelings. When we don't like it when they do "this" we don't have to reject/dismiss/avoid them. We can acknowledge that 'in that particular moment' we are having negative feelings about a person that we otherwise like. It's complex and it takes time to learn. But what a gift to give oneself because it feels much more comfortable, more peaceful.