[Michah]

Hi everyone........just thought I would visit all us borderline beauties to say hi!

Well, when someone says, " I cannot, in all my infinite wisdom, help you", you know you feel absolutely stuffed. Yep, your stomach contracts, you feel this welling of dread deep down in your soul and wonder "Why have you forsaken me? Am I not important enough to help, to find answers for?". But this an unrealistic expectation. No-one can truly help your soul and technology does little for comfort or solace. In my myriad of physical health issues, my blood is relatively normal, though bordering on the unwell, and is corruptable when no-one is looking. I cannot be treated even with all the medicine and how de do that my wonderful medical team can muster.......because there is the absence of true pathalogical disease. I mean, I have been dx with medical conditions but they are so complex and convoluted that they are unable to really treat. It is as if my med team are waiting for my body to make the final sick leap into DISEASE just so they can treat me ethically and help me to feel better.

So after suffering immense fear that someone was playing a cruel joke on me, I cried and lamented loss, got enraged at my terrible misfortune. Felt such huge betrayal of mind and body, especially after fighting and healing from the trauma of acute borderline, only to find that my body was to abandon me as well.......or maybe it is medicine that has abandoned me.

So, do I fall eternally into this pit of despair, do I give up hope and go quietly into the night? NO! I have not fought and and hated and loved for this long to give up.......oh, I shall struggle and I will face mortal fear like I have never known, not even in the throes of a fierce borderline battle......this is a fear that i have never experienced, it is a fear beyond terror, that goes to the very bowels of who i am.......a fear for my soul. I shall cower before its formidable strength and say "Please do not kill me now, I have too much to do!" And then I will master this fear, and make it my love, as I have always done.

Take care all of you.......master that fear and make it a peaceful part of you while it rages around like petulant children........for it is a trick, it wants to survive and it will rage harder and harder to exist. Know it for this......it is the path of least resistance.

Watch me fall and get back up over and over again.......thank you for sharing this with me and all your support over the last weeks.....it has been an intergral part of my getting here.

Take care of yourselves, you keepers of the gate, you wonderful creators of destiny.

See you all real soon........

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Michah )))))))))))))))

[Rachie]

((((((((((michah))))))))))

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thank you...

[paddym22]

(((((((((((((((((michah)))))))))))))))))))