[nomorepain]

hello everybody i am 39 years old i am a female and i have recently been diagnosed with bdp i feel like i am losing my mind ... why can't i shake the feeling of this person... i have degrated myself and he dumped me i need someone who has been there to talk to i feel lost and like a loser but i know i am better then this i went 4 days without calling but i slipped up today how do you walk away and feel good about yourself?and the bad thing is he is involved with someone but i feel like i am dying i usuually am not hit this hard and he said he hates me and also that i need to have some respect for myself do people think we want to be like this or do i just like pain ...

[Michah]

Originally Posted by nomorepain

hello everybody i am 39 years old i am a female and i have recently been diagnosed with bdp i feel like i am losing my mind ... why can't i shake the feeling of this person... i have degrated myself and he dumped me i need someone who has been there to talk to i feel lost and like a loser but i know i am better then this i went 4 days without calling but i slipped up today how do you walk away and feel good about yourself?and the bad thing is he is involved with someone but i feel like i am dying i usuually am not hit this hard and he said he hates me and also that i need to have some respect for myself do people think we want to be like this or do i just like pain ...

Hi there and welcome!!

Yes, often I felt like I was losing my mind due to BPd nasties.......what kind of help are you getting? And who dx you? Did you notice behaviour prior to the dx to indicate that you where experiencing tumultuous times? And what where the reasons that you and your partner broke up?

Sorry babe.......20 questions.

Your partner mentioned "respect for yourself".......hhhmmm.....can I say that this is not a true reflection of what is probably happening?.......I am sure you have plenty of respect for yourself.......however I have found that extreme impulsivity has gotten in the way......BPD is a battle between the conscious adult mind and the inner traumatised child......just my opinion.....so "behaving recklessly" is not choice as such.......I could no sooner have modified my behaviour than fly to the moon......but consequence became my best friend

Therapy and meds for me as well as few long stints in hopsital, helped pull me out of a cycle of behaviour........think differently, behave differently......

Yes people will always think we "want" to be like this.......forget them, they do not understand and I am not being cynical when I say they never will. For people to truly understand is unrealistic.......however, as soon as you accept who you are, then others will to.......and you do not want people in your life that tell you that they hate you......I know the devetsation you must be feeling(been there myself, many times!), it is AWFUL and you feel like it will kill you, so extreme the feeling.......

But it will not, and you WILL survive and you will have great people in your life, that LOVE you for YOU......but much work must be done to help change the way you think of yourself........you can do it and we are here.......talk and talk and it will get easier......

Take good care, babe.......you are NOT alone and you can get through this with your mind intact.......remember, you are very, very precious and don't let ANYONE tell you differently

In stillness.....

Michah