Borderline PD symptoms description

NightSarabande · Nov 09, 2012 at 03:02 PM

That sounds like me, unfortunately.

Gemini123 · Nov 09, 2012 at 11:17 PM

i finally feel understood

waggiedog · Nov 24, 2012 at 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shezbut

Very good description of me. I feel as though I try so hard. But, the chronic chaos in my life is maddening

!

Shez

Hi there Shez. Just found this comment from you on the BPD symptom's list and as I feel EXACTLY the same - I thought I'd let you know hunny. Look, there's all of us borderliners!!!!! XXX

EtherealXtasy21 · Nov 25, 2012 at 07:47 PM

[COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]this is so me[/COLOR]

continuosly blue · Nov 25, 2012 at 11:03 PM

This is a somewhat good description of BPD. Discribes me to a T.
Although there are many negative traits
attributed to this disorder I think that BPD is just the result of frustrated genius.

cb

krisakira · Nov 25, 2012 at 11:57 PM

Genius of what though?

kstief86 · Nov 29, 2012 at 10:12 PM

I can't believe that after reading the symptoms that were posted how much everything fits me. I have just been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, although I believe that I have had this for years and no one has diagnosed me with it until now, when I actually lost my kids, and everything is going south for me.

gabmux · Dec 03, 2012 at 08:34 PM

After reading the description of borderline that is in this thread,
I became very sad.....
to think that I've had all of these borderline symptoms my whole lifetime.
I've wasted a whole lifetime with my borderline behavior. And also
the lives of the people I came in contact with. I am deeply ashamed.
Had I not stumbled on this PsychCentral website, I might never have found
any explanation at all for my worthlessness. I would most likely have spent
what's left of my life blaming everyone else for my problems.
I don't know if I am still young enough to make any worthwhile changes now that I can admit to my insanity.
I wouldn't even know where to begin.

failenmyprince · Dec 04, 2012 at 04:38 AM

I thought it was bipolar II. This is all me, no wonder my dr diagnosed me with this instead of bipolar....i'm not bipolar at all.

ECHOES · Dec 04, 2012 at 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gabmux

After reading the description of borderline that is in this thread,
I became very sad.....
to think that I've had all of these borderline symptoms my whole lifetime.
I've wasted a whole lifetime with my borderline behavior. And also
the lives of the people I came in contact with. I am deeply ashamed.
Had I not stumbled on this PsychCentral website, I might never have found
any explanation at all for my worthlessness. I would most likely have spent
what's left of my life blaming everyone else for my problems.
I don't know if I am still young enough to make any worthwhile changes now that I can admit to my insanity.
I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Dear gabmux, you are not worthless at all.

. You care about others and you care about yourself, and that shows in your post. Learning is something to celebrate. We can't go back, but we can go forward with what we have learned and what we keep learning.

Although I had been in therapy several times for depression and depression-with-anxiety, I didn't know about BPD until I was past 50 years of age. What a gift to receive! I am working with a psychodynamic/psychoanalytic psychotherapist and it is so helpful.

You already have learned something about perceptions, and working with a therapist can help you feel better and help your relationships. You have a lot of insight, so you have a 'head start'.

There is no need to feel ashamed of what you didn't know. We all act on what we know; it's all we can do.

I hope you can feel enthusiastic about your future because it sounds to me like it is getting ready to change for the better!!

gabmux · Dec 04, 2012 at 09:47 AM

Thank you ECHOES for much kindness.

tait · Dec 09, 2012 at 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I like this description of BPD because it is more than just a list, and I suppose because I relate to it very much. Learning more about BPD has helped me slow down the processes and find words for what is going on.

When this diagnosis is offered, it isn't always offered as an explanation for how we relate to ourselves and others and the intense emotions that result.
It is a complex way of being, as one thing affects another..affects another. It is no wonder we often feel overwhelmed.
I feel so fortunate to have a psychotherapist who understands, accepts, and is kind and patient.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
from the site: http://www.borderlinedisorders.com/public.php

The symptoms of borderline patients are similar to those for which most people seek psychiatric help: depression, mood swings, the use and abuse of drugs, alcohol, or food as a means of trying to feel better; obsessions, phobias, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, inability to tolerate being alone.

In addition, these patients displayed great difficulties in controlling ragefulness; they were unusually impulsive, they fell in and out of love suddenly; they tended to idealize other people and then abruptly despise them. A consequence of all this was that they typically looked for help from a therapist and then suddenly quit in terrible disappointment and anger.

Underneath all these symptoms, therapists began to see in borderline people an inability to tolerate the levels of anxiety, frustration, rejection and loss that most people are able to put up with, an inability to soothe and comfort themselves when they become upset, and an inability to control the impulses toward the expression, through action, of love and hate that most people are able to hold in check. What seems to be of central importance in the symptoms and difficulties mentioned above is that the hallmark of the "borderline" personality is great difficulty in holding on to a stable, consistent sense of one's self: "What am I?" these people ask. "My life is in chaos; sometimes I feel like I can do anything—other times I want to die because I feel so incompetent, helpless and loathsome. I'm a lot of different people instead of being just one person."

The one word that best characterizes borderline personality is "instability." Emotions are unstable, fluctuating wildly, often for no discernible reason. Thought processes are unstable—rational and clear at times, quite extreme and distorted at other times. Behavior is unstable—often with periods of excellent conduct, high efficiency and trustworthiness alternating with outbreaks of regression to childlike states of helplessness and anger, suddenly quitting a job, withdrawing into isolation, failing.

Self control is unstable leading to impulsive behaviors and chaotic relationships. A person with borderline personality disorder may sacrifice themselves for others, only to reach their limit and suddenly fly into rageful reproaches, or they may curry favor through obedient submission only to rebel, out of the blue, in a tantrum.

Associated with this instability is terrible anxiety, guilt and self-loathing for which relief is sought at any cost—medicine, drugs, alcohol, overeating, suicide. Sadly, oddly, self-injury is discovered by many borderline people to provide faster relief than anything else—cutting or burning themselves stops the anxiety temporarily.

The effect upon others of all this trouble is profound: family members never know what to expect from their volatile child, siblings, or spouse, except they know they can expect trouble: suicide threats and attempts, self-inflicted injuries, outbursts of rage and recrimination, impulsive marriages, divorces, pregnancies and abortions; repeated starting and stopping of jobs and school careers, and a pervasive sense, on the part of the family, of being unable to help.

Thanks for the website. It really opened my eyes!

sallyace · Dec 10, 2012 at 08:18 PM

I feel the same way. Embarrassed and like I have wasted my life. Over 50 myself. No marriage, no children. See myself as the old lady with cats. It is really painful to feel that I have lost my chance at succeeding at life.

Dec 11, 2012 at 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gabmux

After reading the description of borderline that is in this thread,
I became very sad.....
to think that I've had all of these borderline symptoms my whole lifetime.
I've wasted a whole lifetime with my borderline behavior. And also
the lives of the people I came in contact with. I am deeply ashamed.
Had I not stumbled on this PsychCentral website, I might never have found
any explanation at all for my worthlessness. I would most likely have spent
what's left of my life blaming everyone else for my problems.
I don't know if I am still young enough to make any worthwhile changes now that I can admit to my insanity.
I wouldn't even know where to begin.

A lot of us feel the same way....I among them. We knew something was wrong our whole lives. All these constant problems, or we managed to pretend all was okay for a long time. Then, it got to the point that we couldn't do it anymore.....discovered BPD...were lead here. I am among them. You're not alone anymore. Find solace here, and work on getting better.

Late is better than never. Imagine the amount of people who have the same issues but never discover the truth, never know.....

Dec 15, 2012 at 12:28 PM

I am terribly sad right now. I had my final appt with my Pdoc yesterday afternoon. He is retiring. The office gave me a copy if my records for my next Pdoc. I was dsm dx with major depression, severe anxiety and bpd. Nobody ever mentioned BPD. I have been reading up on it, and I am very shocked and saddened by it. I dont know what to make of it...I feel labeled and damaged. I am very sad.

I thought all of the horrible life experiences contributed to the symptoms of depression and anxiety. But I did not know I was walking around with a big sign on my forehead that announced to the world "BPD".

I have been living in a bubble: a giant lie. To myself. I feel as if my efforts in life and who I thought I was (a survivor of circumstances. Someone dealt a really crappy hand in life).

Not an eff'd up person

I dont feel relieved. I feel as if another part of my soul/spirit has been trampled on. And a part of me has died. That part of me that I thought was intelligent and a survivor. BPD feels like such an ugly label. I feel ashamed and ugly.

I didnt realize I was born and presenting to the world labeled and broken.

Is there hope?

tait · Dec 15, 2012 at 05:39 PM

I don't either hun. I'm just now opening my eyes to all of these disorders myself. Major Depression Disorder, Bipolar II Disorder, there is a significant difference I believe. I've been trying to educate myself because for 6 year's I was lead to believe I was Bipolar I, which has mania, and I wasn't even manic! I guess that's my fault for not educating myself and expressing to the doc that I was just severly depressed.

08:13 PM

I went to a pdoc when I was 22ish (one my mother picked for me from her "circle").

Pdoc and I spent time together and she was understanding of my history. My parents agreed to come to a family session and stormed out in the middle because they didnt want to hear what I was saying /sharing.

Later, I asked her,"is it me" because I still felt like I may have been the "irrational and crazy" one. The msgs my parents were telling me.

She looked at me squarely in the eye and said "NO."

My parents cut her out of their life and said she was crazy.

I am trying to make sense of this. It is scary to me. And I feel hideous.

A friend told me whenever she sees "ordinary people" it reminds her of my mother.

I think I need a second opinion.

My Pdoc yesterday said it was hard saying goodbye to some of his longtime patients like me. He even hugged me good bye. How could he care about me if I am this eff'd up? He has seen the good and bad over the years. I dont get it.

As far as the self injury and abandonment points, and aggressiveness and excessive anger, those dont resonate with me. And my relationships...had been fine up until my Fiance died.

I had been able to recover from every tragedy except for F passing away. That is when I really couldnt get back up.

I have a new T on Wed. I really need to speak with her about all of this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maranara

For many of us, it stems from our childhood. We were treated poorly, went through abuse, or were abandoned as children and our emotions were never developed past that point. We get angry illogically and quickly, cry easily, see things in a distorted manner (everyone is out to get me) and panic when anyone threatens to leave. Fun, isn't it. I have been somewhat successful in leading an okay life, but I have no idea what this "normal" is.....

mraas72 · Dec 26, 2012 at 11:20 PM

I just learned of BPD at the age of 40 and I am terrified...Truly terrified and I don't even know why. A lot of what I read fits me to the T and that is scary because I always thought I was the normal one and everyone else just likes to push my buttons. Very frustrating. I just don't know what to do at this point. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the knowledge a lot. :-) Thank you

Dec 27, 2012 at 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mraas72

I just learned of BPD at the age of 40 and I am terrified...Truly terrified and I don't even know why. A lot of what I read fits me to the T and that is scary because I always thought I was the normal one and everyone else just likes to push my buttons. Very frustrating. I just don't know what to do at this point. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the knowledge a lot. :-) Thank you

Don't be scared....you're not alone. There's a lot of us who thought we were "normal" who discovered we're not. And I think fear, denial, and such are part of the process. We're all in this together.

nic25 · Jan 02, 2013 at 07:45 PM

that is exactly how i feel right now but if i can hide it sometimes or sometimes think i am ok is it real??

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Borderline PD symptoms description

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NightSarabande Member Member Since Nov 2012 Location: On Earth Posts: 79 11 23 hugs given	Nov 09, 2012 at 03:02 PM #261 That sounds like me, unfortunately. __________________
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Gemini123 New Member Member Since Nov 2012 Location: canada Posts: 2 11 1 hugs given	Nov 09, 2012 at 11:17 PM #262 i finally feel understood
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EtherealXtasy21 New Member Member Since Nov 2012 Location: New York Posts: 2 11 1 hugs given	Nov 25, 2012 at 07:47 PM #264 [COLOR="rgb(255, 0, 255)"]this is so me[/COLOR]
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continuosly blue Veteran Member Member Since Oct 2011 Location: USA Posts: 533 12 55 hugs given	Nov 25, 2012 at 11:03 PM #265 This is a somewhat good description of BPD. Discribes me to a T. Although there are many negative traits attributed to this disorder I think that BPD is just the result of frustrated genius. cb
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krisakira Magnate Member Since Aug 2010 Location: KS Posts: 2,231 13 6 hugs given	Nov 25, 2012 at 11:57 PM #266 Genius of what though? __________________
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kstief86 New Member Member Since Nov 2012 Location: Cherokee, Iowa Posts: 3 11	Nov 29, 2012 at 10:12 PM #267 I can't believe that after reading the symptoms that were posted how much everything fits me. I have just been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, although I believe that I have had this for years and no one has diagnosed me with it until now, when I actually lost my kids, and everything is going south for me.
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failenmyprince Junior Member Member Since Nov 2012 Location: Homesick Posts: 6 11	Dec 04, 2012 at 04:38 AM #269 I thought it was bipolar II. This is all me, no wonder my dr diagnosed me with this instead of bipolar....i'm not bipolar at all.
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gabmux Member Member Since Dec 2012 Location: Among the void.. Posts: 134 11 92 hugs given	Dec 04, 2012 at 09:47 AM #271 Thank you ECHOES for much kindness.
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sallyace Junior Member Member Since Dec 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 18 11 4 hugs given	Dec 10, 2012 at 08:18 PM #273 I feel the same way. Embarrassed and like I have wasted my life. Over 50 myself. No marriage, no children. See myself as the old lady with cats. It is really painful to feel that I have lost my chance at succeeding at life. __________________ "Let them believe in something" Kinky Friedman Sally Ace
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nic25 Junior Member Member Since Apr 2012 Posts: 10 12	Jan 02, 2013 at 07:45 PM #280 that is exactly how i feel right now but if i can hide it sometimes or sometimes think i am ok is it real??
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