Borderline PD symptoms description

woah!!! That is me too. Never been diagnosed but this explains so much. I don't self harm. ... and do not have so many extremes. I am a milder version which is quite enough emotions and fluctuations all ready. My heart goes out to all of you that experience the more drastic extremes of BPD. I hope to help where ever I can.

At one time I would have said this is not all me BUT wow, it is!

Im new to the sight and ive been going through a lot of crap and BPD matches up frighteningly well with how i am and i dont know if i do but it matches im 18 il be 19 in September but life keeps going down hill recently got a girl friend she said she was 15 and that she was in 9th grade which is high school so thats why i was ok with it then after we went on are first date she broke up with me after the date while i was walking her home then the next day i found out that she was 14 and that she lied to me this is just one of the things that's happened but i have thought about suicide quite extensively haven't attempted though ive done cutting and im nervous about getting help since ive enlisted in the marine corps which i did impulsively just for a better job selection, i want to get help yet i dont want to lose what ive set up im already cutting it close with school, i could really use some help with what i should do anything would be appreciated

It is and it isnt. My psychologist says no. So much of it is me

That's very interesting I like that description

I've also read that one of the major differences is that it is a Personality Disorder, whereas BiPolar is a Mood Disorder. Also, BPD is dependant on a situation and as situations change we change too (we are more prone to being able to flip from one mood to another via listening to different music, reacting to someone's comment etc) whereas BiPolar does not require a situation to trigger it, the moods change and swing not really in relation to an immediate trigger, but to an underlying chemistry that sort of swings at will. It itsn't something that can be 'snapped out of' whereas someone with BPD can actually come out of that mood when something really positive suddenly occurs. Hence the 'roller coaster'.

That's me! My therapist just yelled at me cause I didn't finish the medical coding program I was training for. Maybe she should read this!

I wish more people knew about this condition. Everyone I know keeps on wondering why I can't snap out of it. I have shut myself off from everyone now in an attempt to minimise stress triggers. Essentially it's social suicide in order to deal with this. Even my therapist got fed up with my up and downs. Where I would make progress over months, then slump again. Vicious cycle. I hit my low again, and don't trust therapists now.

Can you be Borderline Personality & not cut or self-harm? That is, if you don't count self-harm as...

- binge drinking (an entire bottle of wine in one evening, but only weekends, mostly)

- being a 'non-smoker'... or social smoker all my life/can do it for weeks, even months, only maybe 5-8 a day, then go months or even years with zero?#! so long as I'm not dating a smoker?#! ... but suddenly, on impulse, buying a pack anyway, & then chain-smoking myself sick just 'cuz I've had a 'bad' or embarassing day of displaying yet again TOO INTENSE EMOTIONS (if I had a $100 for every time someone told me that.. " You're too sensitive, too intense, try too hard, talk too fast or too much, stop & breath, you move too quick, care too much, write tooooo long of emails.. you're just all around ' toooo much' ! ' ... I'd be rich!!! Or, I chain-smoke out of the blue because someone/something reeeally hurt or angered me that day & I hate myself for how I reacted.. or I'm mad at myself yet again for AGAIN excessively procrastinating/avoiding doing what I MUST be doing but let myself get distracted (damned computer.. my nemesis!!) so it's like I'm punishing myself or saying "I don't CARE about my health or how ****** I'll feel in the morning anymore!!"

- feeling so alone, anxious, trapped, helpless, like I'm coming unglued with so many obsessive worries in my head, so I decide to tune it out all out, put a smile & a flippant tone in my voice & call up a (georgeous) man I dated only 4 months & then ended it (sorta') because even his last few exes called him Narcisstic but I suspect he's BPD too.... he had maybe a worse childhood than me (alcoholic father who abandoned him/all kids several times & Mom/2 Siblings who moved 20+ hrs away by car & left him with practical strangers, at 13, but he remains in MAJOR denial that his Mom made a mistake, also 'abandoned' him, letting him decide for himself to be separated from Mom & Siblings & left initially with a drunken Dad (who again abandoned him after only 6 months) .. & this ex gets MAD & demeans & attacks me if I date ask him to just 'consider' that he's carrying childhood pain & it's made him self-sabotage al his life & self-harm with excessive booze & cigs too (even admits he didn't care if he lived or died). He's a man-boy (of 51!!) who's extremeley self-absorbed, down-right demeaning & even 'pushes back' (literally...the last 3 GF's were also pushed to the point of hitting/pushing him at leat once, too, like I did, slapped him, lightly, on the face for his demeaning name-calling when I caught HIM doing something deceptive behind my back but I WAS TO BLAME for the argument that ensued !?#!!! I'd not slapped anyone in over 20 yrs!!). Yet, HE rejects ME, refuses an 'exclusive relationship' after rebound night/weekend #5, maybe 6, in only 4 months!) ... because I'm too messed up for him, he says?#! .. while he continues to say "I love you" every time we're together despite telling me he doesn't respect me, can do better, there's nothing 'wrong' with him, it's all me, but he 'loves me' for the amazing sex!?#! Yet.... I keep calling or emailing him, when I feel like I'm going crazy with my own obsessive thoughts, feeling like no-one truly gives a damn (or can ever make me feel so amazing, physically, as he can, despite him driving me CRAZY personality-wise)... so at least I can pretend to feel 'normal' if I spend a night or few hours getting hugs, kisses, feeling 'loved' & 'safe'... even when I know I'll feel even more confused about who/what he is to me & what he truly feels towards me, afterwards... & I'll feel even MORE abandoned, used, self-loathing.

Does all THAT count as SELF-HARM??? as I have NEVER cut or harmed myself (as an adult).. unless still biting my nails at 53 counts? Can ANYONE relate to this 'other' self-harming ********, or is it all just low self-esteem & addiction to 'that feeling' that I never got (nurturing, caressing, touch) I never got as an infant/kid ??

Does anyone know a good Dating Site (in Canada) for people with BPD or something similar like BiPolar, or Anxiety? I"m sooooo tired of attracting only guys who're as messed up as me, even more! ...'cuz they're sooo in DENIAL & quick to Project all Their Crap Onto Me! I know I have issues but at least I admit it & am TRYING to do better/get help! They're not ... & it only makes ME feel WORSE about myself in the end for getting mixed up with these boy-men!

It's soo frustrating... 'cuz I'm very attractive (former CFL cheerleader a million years ago...) so I get tons of attention, but when they sense I'm 'different', or 'too much', instead of taking the time to read up & try to understand my 'chemical imbalance' (I like to call it.. that I tell them about by like the 2nd or 3rd email or date - doh!!!?#!!) ... they write me off as 'relationship material' but play me/stick around for the sex (which I'm also 'too intense' with, & so 'the best I've ever had' they all tell me)!!!! Geez... I can't win for losing!!!... tough enough to understand men & their sexual 'addictions' & 'compartmentalized thinking' without my having BPD (or ADD, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, or what-ever the hell shrink #4 wants to label me with in the past 10 years, depending on triggers/situations in my life at the time they saw me.. it's all soooo subjective.. no 'blood test' or drug to take that 'poof' cures it so we know for sure what it was!?

OK, once again.. TOO MUCH !!!! Sorry, hope some of this at least resonates with some of you out there! Can ANYONE RELATE ??? ARGHHH!!! Wishing everyone lots of healthy peace, love, healing, & quiet contentment (something I don't think I"ve EVER felt.. my friend also says to me "Dee, you don't know how to relax, not even when you're relaxing/doing nothing" .. and a former Supervisor said 'You must go home tired all the time, your mind is so detailed, complex, active!' ) Again.. ARGHHHH !!!! (I think even my best Counsellor just gave up on me because I finally let my anger show for something that I had every right to be VERY angry about... but still, I think it scares people that I can show such intense emotion, never throwing things or attacking, but the F-bombs fly & my tone gets ugly.. so opposite to how I normally am.. sweet & accomodating & pleasant with everyone, to excess... WOW, that DOES sound like BPD !!!!) THANKS FOR LISTENING (anyone who managed to stay tuned.. again.. sssooooorrrrrryyy! )

I think you've identified some issues to work on in your post. Do you have a therapist to help you with these things?

No, you don't have to be someone who self-harms to be considered Borderline.

is there anything worse than being diagnosed with BPD and then having your trust betrayed and abandoned by the therapist who was supposed to be there for you? who admits to crossing boundaries? I have never felt so used, and it is devastating.

So sorry for your bad experience, I hope that it won't hurt you to not trust another therapist in the future. Use your intuition, seek their heart before really opening up to them. I love to ask just as many questions to them that they ask me blessings and hugs (((((((((rubymoon)))))))))

Wow, what a clear and simple explanation. Thank you I am beginning to see the symptoms more and more pointing to BPD for me.

It doesn't happen often, but I can actually flip through through three or four intense emotions in just a minute or two. For example, my husband will have an ugly look on his face and I'll instantly think it's directed at me and get angry, and then I'll see the confused look on his face and be instantly remorseful, and then a song will come on the radio and I'll be instantly happy and want to dance, and he'll refuse to dance with me and I'll instantly be resentful, all in a matter of just a minute or two, each spurred on by events. ....sigh.

Thanks for this description. I've known that I had BPD issues since 2006.

I'm finally gaining the confidence to tell people what treatment works for me and what doesn't rather than continuing to be fobbed off with anti-depressants by my GP.

I too feel used by my therapist. I was never diagnosed with BPD. I sought therapy privately and my therapist seemed to use our individual therapy to sell me a group therapy course that she ran. So I ended up in group therapy with other men who had very superficially similar sex/relationship issues to me (and the similarities were as superficial as they come) but crucially no BPD traits. The results was me feeling like an outsider and feeling frustrated at myself that the treatment was not working for me.

It's taken me months to get over it. I'm finally leaving the resentments behind and gaining the confidence to say what's right for me.

I wish you the very best in moving on from your bad experience too, rubymoon. We go into therapy in a vulnerable state and we should be able to expect to be treated sensitively and with respect. It hurts so much when that doesn't happen but I hope that you too can come out the other side feeling stronger.

Best wishes.

Hi (newbie). Can I say that it is a relief to not be alone in this way? Thank you all for your bravery. It is hard to go through life this way but it beats the alternative.

Thank you. I was only recently diagnosed and so far this is one of the best descriptions that I can relate to.

I was just recently diagnosed as well and this is the best description I've read. Thank you so much for posting it!

Yessssss!!!! I needed this website and am so happy to finally feel like there just might be some light at the end of this tunnel.

I believe this describes me also, but the psychotherapist who evaluated me today didn't think so. I've been waiting for sooooo long to get the help i need based on 'feeling' BP. Im so disappointed and discouraged.

I have been seeing my therapist for 6+ years, and recently she said she no longer agrees with this diagnosis (it was what I suggested, early in therapy) and she feels that it is Schizoid Personality Disorder. I wonder a person can grow out of one diagnosis and into another? I trust her though, and I've read about SPD, so it fits

I too prefer the USA's name of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) over the UK suggestion of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) lol. Just what we need people telling us we are just too emotional. Changing the name to that will sure help everyone out LMFA.

Hi all,
I've not been diagnosed with any kind of mental trouble, however I have begun to suspect that i may have some.
I'm 18 and just went off to college (first time away from home). There has been a significant lack of structure and some stress as a result.
Since school has started I've had worse and worse mood swings (I've had them since I was 13 or 14, but never as dramatic or frequent). The other day I had a rage episode and hit a sign repeatedly until my hands were bleeding (because a girl I wanted to be around was with some of my other guy friends). The next day I was having impulsive suicide thoughts and probably would have gone through if there had been an easy, guaranteed method available (which scares me). My anger and impulses never manifest themselves into intentional self-harm or harming others.
As far as impulsiveness goes, I've always been fairly good at controlling them however this summer I decided to enlist in the Navy with a 6-year contract after only a week of consideration. (Haven't shipped yet).
Also, as far as the 'empty' feelings go, I get that sometimes (moderately), however I usually have headphones in and I think that keeps my mind off it.
I don't really have any problems being by myself, however I feel incredibly lonely (despite having people in my life which I cognitively know care for me).
Finally, the idealization/devaluation thing is spot on. I was convinced that I was in love with a girl (after knowing her for a week or so), and now I just want to avoid her and the idea of being with her disgusts me.
All of these things have been present in my life, however have fluctuated (over the course of months and gradually) between being nearly non-existent to dominating my life. It has gotten worse since I got to school and I've taken to smoking in order to cope with stress.
Do I have BPD/should I seek help to get an actual diagnosis, or am I just not handling the transition well and need to just ride it out and nothing is wrong with me?
Thanks!

It's not our place to say you have or haven't got BPD. But certainly you have something that needs addressing by the sound of it. You should definitely see someone ablut getting a diagnosis and some help I think

I hope you are feeling better soon

Oh and welcome to PC! Hope you like it here and get the help and support you need

Here is some thing to really consider. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is very similar to Borderline Personality Disorder. And to further complicate things you could have both with one being a little more dominating. Or you could only have one with many of the other's traits without fully meeting the criteria for both. It is very common for people with either to either share some of the traits of the other or even qualify for both. It's estimated 25% of BPD also have NPD.

I have a lot of the BPD but not the self harm or suicidal, also not the needy or clingy. But enough to meet the criteria for BPD. I also have enough to meet the criteria for NPD. In fact the way I am some doctors would say I'm just NPD and some would just say BPD and some would say both. It can be that difficult to diagnose.

One of the main differences is a Narc will not go for help unless there is no other option left or they are forced to. While a BPD is much quicker to seek help. Both have rage and mood swings and underlying insecurity issues. I share traits for both, more wit npd but the ones with bpd are undeniable. The splitting, disassociation, and fear of abandonment, except i pretty much expect it and am use to it. I also have Grandiose feelings some times enough to make myself sick lol.

So it's not always so black and white after all