Borderline PD symptoms description

Wen u said u just want him to shut up reminds me of me! I can't stand opinions saying same thing 'u need help' Uh DUH rocket scientist. No helpful advice I think my bf just wants keep repeating it cuZ I can't stand it

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OMG completely disregarding my reasons only focusing on my cussing or way I say it m

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And wen I'm confident in my abilities that can turn into an insecure conspiracy theorist in a very short time don't take much at all.

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This definition is very much how my life has been for so many years... it's a roller coaster that I'd like to get off. The sadness has taken over and the periods of stability and happiness are so few now

I literally have been reading this definition everyday for over 2 weeks straight. Everytime I read it I just burst into tears because that's exactly how I am. Ever single word. I was already diagnosed with bipolar now to realize there's another problem. I wouldn't wish mental illness on my worst nightmare it's awful

Wen I read about it first time I thot OMG that's me! Told my therapist at time 'hey I am borderline' his shocked face scared me he said why do u think that? I said oh I meant bipolar he said 'whew! Borderline is u treatable and said other things scared me

Kathi

my therapist recently diagnosed me with this (i was previously diagnosed bipolar, and after that manic depression) and until now i didn't fully understand why my therapist made this call. I'm sitting here crying and snotting all over the place and watching my life replay and recount every instance where this description is valid... and lets say it was a very large amount of instances. THIS REALLY SUCKS I DONT WANT TO CRY ANYMORE TODAY!!!!

and now i want to go hide in my bed. damnit.

Having that with bipolar makes having relationships hard... well lasting relationships that is... sometimes i wonder what could have been different for me to now have all the troubles that i have that leaves me in a confusing place of wanting to be away from ppl and alone bc i dont trust them to craving and yearning for interpersonal relationships...

I know exactly how you feel ... I spent the past two days in bed not eating or leaving my room just wanting to cry but i've hit that point where i cant cry... i feel so numb and tired of it ALL... everyday i wonder how much longer is this going to last and i'm tired of my rage filled outbursts for no reason... it sucks...

1. My neighbor had all those BPD symptoms simply by being an alcoholic, and the behavior stopped when he stopped drinking. (He now smokes pot). So, I'm thinking that symptom descrip. washes a lot of folks in the BPD pile that don't belong.

2. I've had emotional trouble since a young child; they called it attention deficit, then bipolar, now age 60, they're calling it BPD. I NEVER drank/smoked/drugged. Stopping sugar helped a lot. Best 'fix' for me has been continuous exercise, heavy mental stimulation, and 95-99% solitude. So fewer outside sources to cause me grief, and I just imagine romance versus the trauma yank of that.

So I figure mine is a brain issue combined with lack of nurturing & being 1st born.
My 1st 'therapy' in 30 years is in 2 weeks.
I just don't see how therapy, or any 'prescription', can help a brain disorder. And all 'talking about it' does is rile up the emotional pain of the past.

3. QUESTION: What is the most effective way to tamp down the extreme emotion from new trigger events?

I had been diagnosed by my psychiatrist as Bopolar I (NOS)/Major Depressive Disorder. I had a great experience with this Psychiatrist until he left the practice and moved back to his homeland, Ecuador. My therapist of 2yrs in one session mentioned the term Borderline but didn't go into it at all, it was like he was afraid to tell me. Being inquisitive and knowledge hungry I went to the library the next day and went to the Reference section and got the DSMIV-TR 2000 and looked up the word Borderline and found Borderline Personality Disorder and started reading. At 49yrs old I had finally found myself. I started reading the criteria and the tears just started rolling down my face right there in the library. I had met all 9 of the criteria! I was actually happy to finally know that their was actually something causing all this to be going on.

This is where the nightmare really began........trying to get help when you're on Social Security Disability. Not enough money for even food for a month after rent and utilities, let alone dr. Copays, therapist copays, medications........I'm not able to get the help I so want and need that this exacerbates my depression so bad I hardly get out of bed anymore. Why? There's nothing out there for me. My biggest and worst fear is that I'm going to die before I ever get to live......

Its comforting to know that there are others who understand this. The hardest part is when people don't understand me and I feel all alone. I'm glad I found this forum. And yep that pretty much describes me although I have not been diagnosed due to lack of money, and my trust in doctors has become completely damaged to the lack of genuine "caring".

This is a very accurate description of me and there's even more aswell. I was not diagnose until recently and had been give a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 then Bipolar 2. At every appointment I would see a different member of the team and they would give their own opinion which led me to believe that they had not read my history. I never agree with the diagnoses and stopped taking the medication (Lithium) because I truly believed that it was incorrect. I have never been able to articulate myself which would enable a pdoc to make a diagnosis, I would only be able to say,,what awful things I had done etc etc. This description, for me, is a blessing because, even though I have not told anyone of my diagnosis of BPD, should I decide to tell (my family)..I can show them this so that they may get some understanding of the person I am. Thanks Echo.

I was diagnosed with BPD a long time ago. I'm over 60 now and still can't find
the right help. I've tried and done so much yet always come out the same ,
an emotional wreck. I know I'm not alone.

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The symptoms of borderline patients are similar to those for which most
people seek psychiatric help: depression, mood swings, the use and abuse of drugs, alcohol, or food as a means of trying to feel better; obsessions, phobias, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, inability to tolerate being alone.]

This , to me , is a very accurate description of myself. OK. so I know what I am now. The question I have is the relation between past environmental situations , my personality now , and how this mix will affect my life on a daily basis. What can change ? You can't change your DNA. It takes willpower, something I sorely lack , to effect change . I have a very pessimistic view of my ability to " feel " better. It seems like nothing can make me happy. I find life very disinteresting. I can have brief periods of optimism but it doesn't last.
Can anybody identify with what I'm trying to say ?

A question about this list of symptoms of borderline personality disorder. What if a person has some of these characteristics, but not all of them? My sister, for example has the following bold underlined, italicized and not the others.

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment absolutely!
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self I think so. She told me that as a child and young person, she has no sense of who she was. She was quiet and sweet, the third of three children, because she saw what I "got" when I stood up to our dad, and didn't want that to happen to her. So she "went along to get along."
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) definitely sex. Not the others.
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior (NONE OF THESE)
• Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) My sister is stressed out about 80% of the time. She used to be about 90% of the time until she retired from teaching elementary school, which stressed her out big time. But now that she's retired, she is still STRESSING HERSELF OUT because of her frantic lifestyle, and poor judgment relating to men in her life, including her ex husband, her two grown sons, and our sister in law. When our mother was alive, and years ago, the three of us would get together and talk about our lives. She asked us how she could cut down on her stress level. Mother and I made some positive suggestions on what she could do. Sister was teaching school at that time. Mother and I had also taught school. We suggested that she arrange/train the kids to do a lot of the work about the classroom, and be more self-directed. She did EVERYTHING, including designing and teaching extremely complicated art projects. We are all very supportive of the arts, so I'm not at all saying art classes in school are unnecessary, or "fluff." But the things sister put together, and not just art, where ridiculously time and energy consuming, but she swore it was necessary. She'd spend hours on superfluous stuff that the kids could be helping with. She never acted upon any of the suggestions Mother and I offered her, and finally stopped asking us to help. Now that she is retired, she has told me that's the way she likes to live her life -- stressed.
  
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) nothing this violent. But she is irritable and distracted almost all the time. She is like two different people -- sweet natured and easy to get along with when the is not stressed out; irritable, blaming, and snappish when she is stressed. And she almost always is.
  
• Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms no

If not borderline personality disorder, does anybody have any ideas what her problem could be? She accuses me (and others, I feel sure) of saying something I didn't say, and accuses me of not saying something I did say! She falls in love with some man, tells him she will love him forever, even through a family party for "Mister Wonderful," one time. She promised Mister Wonderful she would marry him, when he proposed. Then she burned out, broke the engagement, got back together over and over. Finally he dumped her suddenly. Now, three years later, she still freaks out when she sees him -- and the woman he found after her - at a community event, which often happens as they run in the same social circles. This blaming and paranoia would be crazy-making if in conversation with me. It used to occur on the phone. Now, it occurs in email exchanges, to I can prove that she is doing this! However, I will absolutely not argue about it with her, or even try to point it out. The time before this time, I tried to email her nicely and rationally, but this took on a life of its own, with maybe 12-16 emails back and forth. I finally took the whole email thread to my therapist. He was shocked and amazed at how she "took" some teeninesy statement I made in passing!!! There is so much more that she does. I can't go into all of it here and expect you to read it all!

I have so much chaos in my mind. I just want to feel normal

I feel the defensive, adult behaviors of bpd personalities can be unlearned and healthy behaviors learned and applied through therapy and self understanding on one's underlying anxieties to people and situations; objectively looking at them. It's worked for me.
There ain't nothing DNA has to do with personality. I keep a journal at times and write out my subjective and objective observations. In DBT, although it was short lived therapy, we covered the emotional, rational, and wise mindedness theories. I'm learning to react NOT out of my emotional mind with responses like anger and acting out in other ways, but to step back and be rational. Recently I was able to let go of a long, online relationship which I had mistrusted. I think sometimes the borderline personality finds it hard to adjust or adapt to being independent in judgment due to his/her long patterns of co-dependency or transferring needs to others. Check out Dr. J. Young's, "Reinventing Your Life".

oh That is helpful. Thank you. I was looking for reasons for my obsessions from my bipolar - but it is from my BPD.

This isn't me so why is my physcologys saying I am BPD I'm sure I'm not?

HI Guys ,

Well its strange that i feel courageous enough to tell you what im going through
it actually feels easier to put a stop to life .
its beyond crushing for me ( well i hope you wont take it against me )as a gay guy who lives in India , wants to have normal life with a partner he loves
but life is not that fulfilling i guess , i always end up feeling so constricted to emotions , be it my family who i lie about my sexuality , my feeling etc so as not to be thrown away like garbage .
i stay alone and sometimes i have difficulty in sleeping , i feel so fragile as i lock myself in my office washroom and will cry for hours
i have someone in my life who happens to be a student , who i try to support in his academic pursuits by taking care of his presentations .but as he lives with his family and is studying hard he rarely finds time for me ,
i trust his integrity and the relationship and im to fight for this with whatever it takes , but he is not convinced as he sees no future and will have to marry as per his parents will. So i have settled for two years of his time , i treat my life a cancer patient who just has two years to live ... but this hopelessness and not fairness of life and questions like why me are breaking my soul apart . i give him alot of calls and he gets irritated , but between you and me he is the only best friend and family i have in a city where i live alone without my family . sincerely hoping you will try understanding however stupid it might look to you all
but sometimes i actually wish to trade death for this life its becoming difficult for me each passing day .i have actually started liking being alone in room so much . i hate going outside and seeing happy couples because thie endless despair is actually killing me .

The rage thing is completely absent, so is the unstable relationships. Once I love you, I love you. Your'e stuck with me. Lol. A couple of the symptoms are there in a big way though - fear of abandonment, impulsivity (mostly generosity) emptiness/loneliness.

With the emphasis on rages and black/white thinking, could i still be borderline without those 2 things?

hmm....

Thank you so much...I know this is a "sticky". It is "The" perfect "welcome" into this forum. It is the first thing I read upon entering. It makes me feel understood.

This is intense. Reading about myself and every trait is...i don't know how to explain it. I do get very upset, but have not harmed anyone yet. When I get to that point, somehow I manage to mentally picture myself punching that person in the face..and with time..that feeling of rage passes. I am not sure how silly or strange that is, but it has worked.

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I like this description of BPD because it is more than just a list, and I suppose because I relate to it very much. Learning more about BPD has helped me slow down the processes and find words for what is going on.

When this diagnosis is offered, it isn't always offered as an explanation for how we relate to ourselves and others and the intense emotions that result.
It is a complex way of being, as one thing affects another..affects another. It is no wonder we often feel overwhelmed.
I feel so fortunate to have a psychotherapist who understands, accepts, and is kind and patient.

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The symptoms of borderline patients are similar to those for which most people seek psychiatric help: depression, mood swings, the use and abuse of drugs, alcohol, or food as a means of trying to feel better; obsessions, phobias, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, inability to tolerate being alone.

In addition, these patients displayed great difficulties in controlling ragefulness; they were unusually impulsive, they fell in and out of love suddenly; they tended to idealize other people and then abruptly despise them. A consequence of all this was that they typically looked for help from a therapist and then suddenly quit in terrible disappointment and anger.

Underneath all these symptoms, therapists began to see in borderline people an inability to tolerate the levels of anxiety, frustration, rejection and loss that most people are able to put up with, an inability to soothe and comfort themselves when they become upset, and an inability to control the impulses toward the expression, through action, of love and hate that most people are able to hold in check. What seems to be of central importance in the symptoms and difficulties mentioned above is that the hallmark of the "borderline" personality is great difficulty in holding on to a stable, consistent sense of one's self: "What am I?" these people ask. "My life is in chaos; sometimes I feel like I can do anything—other times I want to die because I feel so incompetent, helpless and loathsome. I'm a lot of different people instead of being just one person."

The one word that best characterizes borderline personality is "instability." Emotions are unstable, fluctuating wildly, often for no discernible reason. Thought processes are unstable—rational and clear at times, quite extreme and distorted at other times. Behavior is unstable—often with periods of excellent conduct, high efficiency and trustworthiness alternating with outbreaks of regression to childlike states of helplessness and anger, suddenly quitting a job, withdrawing into isolation, failing.

Self control is unstable leading to impulsive behaviors and chaotic relationships. A person with borderline personality disorder may sacrifice themselves for others, only to reach their limit and suddenly fly into rageful reproaches, or they may curry favor through obedient submission only to rebel, out of the blue, in a tantrum.

Associated with this instability is terrible anxiety, guilt and self-loathing for which relief is sought at any cost—medicine, drugs, alcohol, overeating, suicide. Sadly, oddly, self-injury is discovered by many borderline people to provide faster relief than anything else—cutting or burning themselves stops the anxiety temporarily.

The effect upon others of all this trouble is profound: family members never know what to expect from their volatile child, siblings, or spouse, except they know they can expect trouble: suicide threats and attempts, self-inflicted injuries, outbursts of rage and recrimination, impulsive marriages, divorces, pregnancies and abortions; repeated starting and stopping of jobs and school careers, and a pervasive sense, on the part of the family, of being unable to help.[/quote]

My life in a nutshell