Borderline PD symptoms description

Since I was diagnosed with BPD a few months ago, I've read everything that I can get my hands on about it, which isn't that much, by the way. A lot of the info out there is really outdated. Your list of symptoms are the best that I've come across yet; I'm glad you have such a good doc, Echoes. Thanks for posting them, I could use them as my biography!

Um yeah i am gonna reply even tho i actually feel like i dont deserve to cuz noone gives a **** about my opinion. I totally know those symptoms very well. I was told one time i think that i had or could have bpd. I have been "hiding" it pretty well for many years. But the dam thing is "saying to me" i am still here. Arg. Idk what to do. Anyway thanx for that post.

Yep, sounds like me, too! Unfortunately, I hate to admit it...but I know that admiting it is the first step.

As I have gotten to know my illness, I so whole-heartedly agree with why you like this description of BPD.

Upon first learning of this illness, it made me feel even more monstrous than what I had already been feeling.

For me, understanding the diagnosis in a more empathetic way rather than in such a cold and calculating perameter of set behaviours helps me to accept myself as not so monstrous.

The perceptions we have of ourselves: of life, love, fear, reality...


(Ummm, should have just said: "I agree!")

Maybe. There are many symptoms. Some may be more exaggerated in your life than others. Some may not be present at all. You could be at the beginning of the outward expressions of the disorder. The younger you can be accurately diagnosed, and the deeper the acceptance you have of your feelings, the better your chances, I figure.

It took a LONG time with a good therapist to get an accurate diagnosis (extreme honesty - even as you see it - is critical, too, if you want the truth), but I was a classic. And I knew it, deep down inside...when I was honest with myself (and it only had to be with myself to begin with).

(I...I...I... But I do hope this helps!)

I think with age, the intensity of the symptoms can lessen.
I also think that in a structured environment the symptoms can be less severe. (The flip side is leaving a structured environment can cause the symptoms to intensify.)

Thanks Echoes, Despite of all the description listed to be honest I prefer to be manic then depressed coz I feel more energetic and not like now half dead coarpse duhhhhhhh.... and agreed of what u said , and I apologized of my rudeness and anger like a small kid showing tantrum , dont know why I sees ppl around me even in the outside ppl were wearing blacks and whites what were they promoting or trying to say? is that my mania state that they were talking bout us? oh well just hate this rollercoasters in me !

Dear knothead, I grant you the copyrights of the textbooks on BPD go way back. But the information (ie) use of DBT strategies, skills & techniques, have stood the test of time!! Marsha Linehan's work on BPD is still used with much success today!
And help many of us BPD'ers! (Alleluia!!)

I Have a great life!
Holmes

BPD was offereed to me as an explanation and I was asked by my T if I felt it discribed me but I still have some reservation about it....

-------The symptoms of borderline patients are similar to those for which most people seek psychiatric help: depression, ---this is me-----

mood swings, ----I'm told this was me and I remeber people reacting to me strangly but I really never saw the mood swings -----

the use and abuse of drugs, ----never touched them----

alcohol, ----rarely drink ----

or food ---dont over eat if anything I use to refuse to eat when I was younger----

as a means of trying to feel better; obsessions, ----always have----

phobias, -----I sopose so as I have panic attack----

feelings of emptiness and loneliness, ----only when I'm around people I feel invisable ----

inability to tolerate being alone. -----I love being alone or at least I use to before the PTSD kicked in----

In addition, these patients displayed great difficulties in controlling ragefulness; ----never been in a rage eva----

they were unusually impulsive, -----I dont think I'm impulsive in a negative way at least----

they fell in and out of love suddenly;----in a 15y realationship been together since we were 16y------

they tended to idealize other people and then abruptly despise them. -----I have rought friendship and I proberly do idealize them to a point but when I brack the friendship up it because of an illegal or immoral issues that i cant get over and I've only despieed one person in my life and I cant figure out why her excpet that there is too many negative things that she did to my partner and I and our kids that i just cant forgive her for. It never happened abruptly from my point of view cause I had been obsessing trying to ignore my obsession till i no longer could anymore but to the person it seem sudden cause I have never let on I was troublw dealing with things about the friendship------

A consequence of all this was that they typically looked for help from a therapist and then suddenly quit in terrible disappointment and anger.----never-----

Underneath all these symptoms, therapists began to see in borderline people an inability to tolerate the levels of anxiety,----would explain why I cant function in the real world like opther people---

frustration,-----easily frustrated by the way the world works----

rejection ----i try to reject people before thay can reject me---

and loss that most people are able to put up with,----fue people can handle my personality and I dont understand why----

an inability to soothe and comfort themselves when they become upset,-----I agree on some level as I dont cope like other people do with the way the world works----

and an inability to control the impulses toward the expression, ------I controled them very well for the most part but when I loose it with a person I let it all out nothing gets left in my head----

through action, ----never done any action to hurt people----

of love and hate that most people are able to hold in check. -----I keep love and hate well controlled I just struggle to feel like I fit in and understand my feelings enough to express them in the right context---

What seems to be of central importance in the symptoms and difficulties mentioned above is that the hallmark of the "borderline" personality is great difficulty in holding on to a stable, consistent sense of one's self: "What am I?" these people ask. "My life is in chaos; sometimes I feel like I can do anything—other times I want to die because I feel so incompetent, helpless and loathsome. I'm a lot of different people instead of being just one person." ----I feel like this big time or at least I did before I was put on luvox I still some days get like this normally after a negative incounter with another person but as far as who I am in my home life I have never struggled just struggeled with how I fit in to big wide world out side my front door.----

The one word that best characterizes borderline personality is "instability." Emotions are unstable, fluctuating wildly, often for no discernible reason. -------this is how people discribe me and react to me I never felt like the mood change was not warrented-----

Thought processes are unstable—rational and clear at times, quite extreme and distorted at other times.----only about illegal and immoral issues-----

Behavior is unstable—often with periods of excellent conduct, high efficiency and trustworthiness alternating------never eva felt like this eva and people have never reacted to me in way that would make me feel they thought this about me-----

with outbreaks of regression to childlike states of helplessness and anger, -----get called childish alot but that because I refuse to accept the world for what it is-----

suddenly quitting a job,------only had a fue jobs and yes this happened because I could not deal with the way i was feeling about the people I was working with I felt I had to remove my self to make them safe from me-----

withdrawing into isolation, ----YES to protect people from me I would get intence intrusive thoughts and images that made me feel like I was a danger to people----

failing. -----I fail at interacting with life out side my house----

Self control is unstable leading to impulsive behaviors and chaotic relationships. -----I think I have amazing self control to ignore 99 out 100 impulses in my head but to the out side world it was like I was impulsive cause I was an obsessive thinker----

A person with borderline personality disorder may sacrifice themselves for others, -----ALL the time----

only to reach their limit and suddenly fly into rageful reproaches, ---- I would not say ragefull but very full on approch when i finally reached my limit-----

or they may curry favor through obedient submission only to rebel, ----NEVER been submissive hated letting anyone have any sort of control over me----

out of the blue, in a tantrum.-------I was upset and angry but had good reason to be most of the time-----

Associated with this instability is terrible anxiety, guilt and self-loathing-----BIG TIME-----

for which relief is sought at any cost—medicine,----NO----
drugs,-----NO-------
alcohol,-----NO------
overeating,------NO-------
suicide.-------though about it once at 16y but the thought of still current boy friend stopped me------

Sadly, oddly, self-injury is discovered-------- YES but I have no given in as many time as it pops in to my head but I become very disresses when tyring to ignore it-------

by many borderline people to provide faster relief than anything else—cutting or burning themselves stops the anxiety temporarily.

The effect upon others of all this trouble is profound: family members never know what to expect from their volatile child,------YES-----
siblings,
or spouse,----aparently but I never hurt his feeling the way I have with my family------

except they know they can expect trouble: suicide threats ----never----
and attempts,-----NOT that they know of----

self-inflicted injuries,-----which my mum stuck her head in the sand about----

outbursts of rage and recrimination,------NOT rage anger and never physical ever-----

impulsive marriages,-----never-----
divorces, -------never------
pregnancies --------it could be said but I was ready for every one of my kids-----

and abortions; -----never------

repeated starting and stopping of jobs and school careers,------never but been too scared to try as when I get anxiety and panic of being judged i freack out and run------

and a pervasive sense, on the part of the family, of being unable to help.-----they dont want to try my partner has never had problem with being to comfort me with out pampering my every whim-------

I dont know do I have it or not cause think most of my friendship problems have been OCD related not BPD......

I don't know if I should even answer your question... I'd hate to be wrong about this, you understand? but ya kinda sound a little borderline to me. I am as well, btw.

my new phycologist disagrees at this stage with my bpd diagnoises from my old phycologist for party the same reason I do.....that being that medication is changing the behaviours that once apeared to be bpd. That because i ruined my friendships due to OCD reactions the main BPD symptoms are not BPD symtoms at all.....If I did have OCD I would not have ruined my friendship. So I'm pleased with his oppinion at this stage we will see how things go as he see and hears more of my issues.....My last pyhcologist said it takes year of therapy and group therapy to change BPD behaviours and my medication alone is taking away the issues that make it hard for me to make and keep friends.....I've never had a problem maintaining my main relationship that being the one with my partner and he does by means put up me he lets me know when I over the top or over reacting lol....vice versa I let him know when he not being nice ect.....only time will tell....

I don't get the OCD part. How does your OCD present itself? But you do seem to present alot of borderline traits. Just because you don't fit in EVERY criteria, doesn't mean it is not BPD. I take meds to help control my depression which, of course, lessens the feelings that would otherwise make me act out more, but it does not change my borderline personality overall. I also don't present in every category listed in the Dx.

I have have money obsessione and felt the need to not waste money for fesr of having my kids taken away from and I ruined a 17 year friend over 30cent because at the time it felt like by her asking me to paying 30 cent extra on the phone bill was like asking me to starve my kids my thoughts kinda go like ........Cant waste money if I waste money I wont have enough to bye milk and bread if I cant bye milk and bread then I wont be able to feed my kids if I cant feed my kids then I'm am a bad mum so I'll have my kids taken from me if I get my kids taken from I go insane and be looked up in a padded cell...... which caused me fight verbally with people or as I call it debate I would aruge every detail of what the other person said and I felt this intence need to say everything in my (I call that rar like the sound of a lion roar)I could not NOT say everything I have ever been obsessing about to with what eva topic came up......I gave people the impression that I'm was insane with some of things that come out of my head cause at the time thay felt real in MY head even thoe I knew at the time that other people would not get my point of view. I had major society obsession and if told to just "deal with life" I would become so scared that life would make me insane that I would RAR at people who said it and tell them I would rarther be dead or on a secret iland with no laws or rules no shops or big companies just me and my kids and partner and fresh grown food with solar power and rain water just not expectation of living life the way society expects or demands from us.........

I ruined another friend ship because I could not stop obsessing about the illegal issues that I would hear she was doing mainly cheating with welfare. I obsessed for years till I could no longer stop my self from dobbing her in just tring to make it stop in screaming at me but when dobbing her in did not make the obsession stop I started feeling the need the tell her what I did and ended up telling her what I did and there fore ruining the friends ship (if there eva was one with her)........

I'm scared of letting my self talk to people in case I RAR or say some thing that make people think or even call me insane.....I make friends with people that seem to need help my last 2 attemps at friendship have end up with me trying to help them not loose there kids because thay cant keep there house clean and other things as well......One friendship ended after the controlling boy friend threaten to hurt me and became extreamly abusive while at there house after I help my friend clean up her house and was talking to her about maybe going shopping the shopping thing made him so angry he did the shopping not her yer he loved to by lots of beer with the shoping money and she did not even seem to have deoderant........The next one the same kind of thing I was helping her clean her house a lot we spent almost every day together doing something eg park or lunch or food shopping. Again I did not see the trigger coming this time it ended up with me being asulted in my own home after he smashed his way in to get to me. I still have one friend that has a controlling boy friend and she a good friend but I need to protect my self from upsetting her boyfriend I dont want to go threw anything like what happened the last 2 times... I dont have a controlling boy friend my partner is the most enjoyable person to be around most of the time he's not perfect he has his computer obsession but over all he trys to be a nice person and partner and DAD. Its kinda like the woman who gets the bad boyfriends all the time but with me I attract or notice the friends that need I feell need saving and try I dont feel like i becomeing there friend to protect them or even help them it just happens so fast before I know it I've done it again yet The friends I have made have all been nice and I never knew there boy friends were controlling to months after become there friend and never even suspected that were capable of violance or even extream anger till it happen....I dont want to make more friends till I know I can protect my self or better still pick ones thay dont need saving oe ones that have contolling boyfriends.

we cant diagnose here. wait for drs to say what is and isnt going on

Well, ONE thing for sure is, you have a huge heart! Never intended to push you toward one dx or another, just seeing alot of me in you. Also, just wanted to know what you meant by having OC symptoms.

It's good that the drugs are working for you. If you can alleviate some of the symptoms (like deep depression as in my case), the easier it is to see things more rationally. Pup is right, though. It is not for members (me?) to "diagnose."

I'm bettin' that with your hyper-viligance and need to be extremely honest, you will come to know where your personality (for lack of a better word) lies.

I was not looking for a diagnoises just an oppinion from people who might understand what I'm going threw.

Oh, GOOD! I understand you!

I do see some BPD traits like SI and mood swings but with out the friendship issues being totally BPD related I dont think I fit the critera properly....I keep hearing and reading that people with BPD can become inraged i dot get inraged I just get very upset. I've read that its often over small issues I have never lost my temper over anything minor. I have been assulted 4 time by people I know and each time I kept my cool and refused to retaliate for fear of hurting them more than thay could hurt me. I just tried to walk away from the situation. Two times it was an adult one was my mum and she threw up agaist a wall when I was 16y I left home soon after that I was not staying anywhere I was not wanted or safe. Tne other time was my friends aunty and I was 18y and she kneed me in tummy I'd just gotten over a C-cection I held her back not relaising i was digging my nails in to her when the police saw the nail make(clearly defensive) thay threaten to arrest me for assult and tresspassing the adults would not let me go home that stood in front of thr door way and refused to let me go home. The other 2 times it was when my best friend attack me when I was 14y and kept screaming at me to hit her back. The last time was a friend boy friend I had him arrested that was 2007. If that make me BPD then maybe I am but it does not seem to fit the discription.

Well, the best option for you then is to keep working with your T to see what evolves.

Best of luck!

Re-reading. It has been a hectic and therefore mindless week so far. I have succeeded in not hiding and avoiding but it sure is exhausting me