Having horrible spisodes - mention of sui

I'm having angry outbursts, and constant, violent mood swings. It's getting bad. I've been having intense suicidal thoughts for a couple of days now. I'm pushing everyone away, just to reel them right back in. Everything is so unstable with me right now.

Fallenangel,

Who are you with and what is your T situation? What level of safety do you have babe?

I know you mentioned that you are seeing someone and awaiting a dx as such.

I would say, that only you know how safe you are.......

If you feel that you are in imminent danger of hurting yourself or others, you should get to your nearest hospital and be seen by mental health triage.....have you been an inpatient before, babe?

Remember, you are #1........you are the priority......take good care and get the help if you need it, sweet.......SAFETY FIRST.......you are too precious and we don't want anything happening to you.

Please be kind to yourself.......we are here....

Biggest hugs I can find

Michah

I have never been an inpatient before, and quite frankly, the thought of it scares me to death. I'm currently seeing a T that I've been seeing for over a year now, and she works with me on all my issues, and I'm seeing a T on campus who is working with me on distress management. (the latter is the one who is leaning towards the dx)

I'm a little better right now. (Just another mood swing, I suppose...) I had a bit of an episode again earlier today, but I've recovered from that, and I'm calm at the moment.

Thank you so much for your hugs and kind words...I needed them!

I have been an in patient several times and its not as bad as people think ! If anything its a relief when you get there .....

They take over and look after everything your medication your bedroom your food everything !

Please please don't worry about that side of it as it may not even come to that.

You need to see a Dr first and foremost as it may just be a tweaking of your medication that is needed.

Please make that phone call.

fallenangel, if you can slow down the process of distress (I know it's hard, but if you practice you can do it!) to see what happens right before it starts, there is much information there to help you. Often there is a fear there that isn't acknowledged that starts the process of distress and depression. Or an expection not met. Or a desire that seems out of reach...
Someone told me once that suicidal feelings are quantitative, that they are a way of saying "I hurt THIS much...". That idea has helped me a lot and also has helped me to locate the beginning of the suicidal thought process.
Finding these beginnings gives us a place to start, something to focus on instead of the symptoms caused by it (distress, depression, etc). Change begins with awareness.