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#1
Oct 20, 2009, 11:26 AM
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Are people with BPD extremely insecure? I am so confused right now. I've been seeing this guy with BPD for a year now. He just recently found out he has it and doesn't get therapy right now. Anyway, he will be in a great mood and then bam anything can set him off. I'm on eggshells 24/7. The sweet and caring man turns into an isolated angry person. And, he will go a week or more without having a real conversation with me. I'll try, but all I seem to get out of him are short answers. When he finally starts to talk to me it's always how if I want to move on he understands because he can't see how he does any good for me. And he'll also bring up the argument that started all of it, he hangs on to 3 or 4 things from the argument and it seems he dwells on them for the entire period of his "mood". The sad thing is I usually never argue back, I always try to explain or say things to make it better, but it never works he still says it's arguing and fighting. So, anyway when he starts saying these things like, he does no good for me, he only causes problems, etc. etc. In your opinion is he making excuses or is he really that insecure??? I'm so confused I want to do the right thing, but if he's making excuses it makes me feel he's making excuses to end our relationship. I just can't figure out if it's excuses or insecurity due to BPD
 If anyone has an opinion about this please share.Thank you |
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#2
Oct 20, 2009, 12:09 PM
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Hi ni33i....
Insecurity is generally some level of fear. A person who suffers with BPD has an exclusive all encompassing fear...and that is of abandonment. BPD is an extremely complex disorder that manefests many external defense postures and coping mechanisms. We have many long term members here that are in varying stages of recovery and self awareness regarding the disorder who will certainly offer their views on your question. I'm sure they will be helpfull. If you decide to remain in your relationship I strongly suggest that you do some reading along with sharing here. "Stop Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreegar and "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" by Jerold Kriesman and Hal Straus are excellent beginnings to understanding your issues as they relate to being in a relationship with a person who suffers with BPD. With Care, Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
 ni33i, opheliasorrow
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#3
Oct 20, 2009, 12:24 PM
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I'm going to look for that book Lenny. It's only just now (and I feel so stupid about this) That I'm actually looking into borderline. Ni33i I am so like that person you describe. It's so difficult ... I so hope you manage to work out your relationship, my T told me that having borderline is not the end of the world and it is possible to work through these abandonment and trust issues. Sometimes, for people who have been through trauma or abuse they kind of act out how they were feeling at the time of that trauma ... it's part of the fragmentation of the brain - like we all have the protector in us, and still the abused person .... it's so very complicated ... all those feeling from being small, the abandonment and the rejection brings out our protector who sometimes becomes aggresive to others as way of defence. I hope, truly hope that your partner can seek therapy, you sound like a very loving and understanding partner, hugs if that's ok, Ophelia xx
 I'm begining to realise what a true saint my husband actually is . .... I think I'm waking up 
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The feather landed gently at his feet. The boy looked back up at the sky and let his balloon go. It was a fair trade. ~ quote by Dominic my wonderful son   " As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ― Marianne Williamson Last edited by opheliasorrow; Oct 20, 2009 at 12:26 PM. Reason: just want to add a kind word about my hubby |
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#4
Oct 20, 2009, 12:53 PM
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#5
Oct 20, 2009, 12:57 PM
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#6
Oct 20, 2009, 02:44 PM
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I feel so emotional about this, you are a very loving and compassionate person. You know, if your partner is a survivor, the good times will be so good and usually survivors are compassionate, very loyal and loving if they are treated in the right way which obviously he is by you ..... he is very lucky to have you sweetheart and I just want to say thank you. Without understanding partners like yourself where would we be???? I wish you so much happiness and a bright future, I'm sure reading up on this disorder will help you understand him a little more, I'm going to buy the book Lenny suggested. Big hugs to you. If my husband had been as understanding as you sometimes I'm sure things would have been better, though that's a different story Take care and respect to you for seeking answers. Ophelia xxxx
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The feather landed gently at his feet. The boy looked back up at the sky and let his balloon go. It was a fair trade. ~ quote by Dominic my wonderful son " As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ― Marianne Williamson |
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#7
Oct 20, 2009, 03:35 PM
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 Thank you, you are very sweet! I just hope he starts therapy soon so that maybe he can start to understand why he feels the way he does.
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