[jolly]

This is my first time on a forum and I have/am delt/dealing with a person I care deeply for that has BPD. I started a relationship with her almost 6 years ago and since then we have broken up 5 times. This time I left for the night with the kids because she was drunk again and I was sick in tired of not been able to talk to her without some drunken sarcastic remark.
I was always told that I do not show my emotions enough, so I saw a psych and started to learn to open up more (i actually did have a problem with this). We broke up because of a number of factors i.e. my having kids and she was not sure if i could commit fully to her and if we have children, she said she was not getting enough emotional support.
One day I was everything to her the next I was different and not really what she wanted.
She said she was very attracted to me even after 4-5 years together. The longest relationship she had was the previous one for 3 years and she left because she was no longer physically attracted to him. But she said she felt she was emotionally attracted and to this day still is.

We have seperated again about two weeks ago. Two weeks prior she sent me a msg saying how I was perfect in her eyes?

Her friend told me that she was having difficultly with my ex wife (the fact that the meeting/time i would drop the kids off would change at the last minute....causing my ex to become extremely angry and start drinking....which made things worse!)

I need to get consent orders signed by the court so there is no more last minute changes in relation to contact times/dates for the kids, i know this was an issue with her and caused her stress.

This is extremely confusing, I have been told by her mother and best friend she loves my deeply and the kids so why do we keep breaking up and getting back together???? This time I want to stay single and if she gets treatment and things are right for each other then I may consider starting again.....is this right????

Since we have seperated she has apparently stopped drinking every night and is exercising every day....which is great. But my friends say this may not last and when she is confronted with another problem she will turn back to alcohol and smoking...Is this true??

Really confused so I would like for other people who have BPD and Non BPD to please comment and give some honest advise. Thanks.

[Michah]

Hi Jolly.......warm welcome to you!

My first and only question at this point, is what kind of help is your girlfriend getting to treat her dx?

My immediate concern is, that with repetitive behaviour of any sort, there needs to be a circuit breaker. Change the way you think, change the way you behave.
And this circuit breaker is neither free nor easy unfotunately. It requires work.

Mostly, therapy is the only way to have that circuit breaker provided, or that is how it has been for me in my experience.

If there are children involved, protection of them is paramount for both of you. You can only do what you can do. And by reaching out, you have taken the first step. Do not forget your own needs in this process. You must fill them in order to have any clarity with anything else.

And in relation to your username, a sense of humour is your ticket to freedom of sorts. Keep going, Jolly......take care of your precious self....and keep talking. We are here.

In stillness,

Michah

[jolly]

Thanks Michah.

She is in emotional/feelings shutdown mode and I have been told this is a coping mechanism. She now text's me calling me by my first name....never in the last 5 years has she done that. I do not contact her unless I have to because I dont want to confuse her, I want her to make up her own mind on want she ultimately wants...Is this the right thing to do for someone with BPD???