[grizmom]

I know you aren't doctors, but I just wanted some opinions on this subject.

I was diagnosed as BPD in the late 1990's, and at the time I think I fit the criteria; but I also have bipolar, PTSD, insomnia, and generalized anxiety disorder, and I think some of the symptoms were due to my other diagnosis, especially since we had a lot of trouble finding medication that worked for me. So I was looking at the criteria here: http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/t...order-symptoms (the red writing is my opinion)

A common feature of this disorder is fear of being left alone (abandoned), even if the threat of being abandoned is not real. This fear may lead to frantic attempts to hold on to those around you and may cause you to become too dependent on others. Sometimes you may react to the fear of being abandoned by rejecting others first before they can reject you. This erratic behavior can lead to troubled relationships in every area of your life.

I have had abandonment issues, especially when I was younger. But I have never kept a relationship or friendship that is "toxic". If things aren't working out, I break things off...not impulsively, I think about it first. I also don't love and then hate anyone...I generally don't hate anyone.

People who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have at least five of the following symptoms. They may:1

1) Make frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

As I said above, if a relationship is not good, I don't hold on to it. I've lived alone since 2003 and I do get lonely sometimes, but I don't run out and find someone to be with just because I'm lonely.

2) Have a pattern of difficult relationships caused by alternating between extremes of intense admiration and hatred of others.

As said above, I don't really hate anyone...I dislike some people, but I don't swing between love and hate.

3) Have an unstable self-image or be unsure of his or her own identity.

I don't change to fit in with who I'm with if that's what this means.

4) Act impulsively in ways that are self-damaging, such as extravagant spending, frequent and unprotected sex with many partners, substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.

I used to be anorexic (for 12 years) but I've been recovered for several years now. No reckless driving, no unprotected sex, the spending sometimes when I was hypomanic, but my moods are more stable now with proper medication for the bipolar.

5) Have recurring suicidal thoughts, make repeated suicide attempts, or cause self-injury through mutilation, such as cutting or burning himself or herself.

I get suicidal if I get severly depressed; but that happens with bipolar too. I used to self-harm when I was anorexic, but haven't in many years.

6) Have frequent emotional overreactions or intense mood swings, including feeling depressed, irritable, or anxious. These mood swings usually only last a few hours at a time. In rare cases, they may last a day or two.

Mood swings are part of my bipolar, and are much less severe now that I'm on proper medication. I still have some mild depression and some mild hypomania, but meds can't "fix" it, they only help manage it.

7) Have long-term feelings of emptiness.

Yes, when I'm depressed.

8) Have inappropriate, fierce anger or problems controlling anger. The person may often display temper tantrums or get into physical fights.

I've never had problems with anger, except maybe a couple of times fighting with my sister when we were little.

9) Have temporary episodes of feeling suspicious of others without reason (paranoia) or losing a sense of reality.

Never had this.

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So I do think that I was misdiagnosed. My current pdoc is still trying to get me to do DBT even though I've tried it twice and it really didn't seem to apply much to me. My current pdoc is head of the DBT program, so he I think he wants to stick to his diagnosis even if it might be incorrect. I am planning on switching to a new pdoc soon. Any opinions or feedback? I'd really appreciate it!!

[ECHOES]

Here is another perspective on BPD:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=115908

[tryingtobeme]

Grizmom,

From what you are saying, it is possible that you don't have BPD. I do know many people that have BPD and Bi-polar, but most of what you are saying does not sound like BPD to me.

I would go see another pdoc. Don't dumb the one you have but get a second opinion and I would not give the new pdoc what your current one says. I would just state you past/history and see what they say.

I agree that it doesn't sound like BPD.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

[grizmom]

Here is another perspective on BPD:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=115908

I did read that earlier, and I do think that some of the symptoms did fit me when I was younger, but as I recovered from my anorexia and once we got my meds for the bipolar figured out, most of them disappeared. The only part that does still fit is the part about trouble tolerating anxiety, but I've learned a lot of coping techniques so I don't have as much trouble with it as I used to.

Grizmom,

From what you are saying, it is possible that you don't have BPD. I do know many people that have BPD and Bi-polar, but most of what you are saying does not sound like BPD to me.

I would go see another pdoc. Don't dumb the one you have but get a second opinion and I would not give the new pdoc what your current one says. I would just state you past/history and see what they say.

I agree that it doesn't sound like BPD.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

I am not changing pdocs for only this reason; I think that he is good at figuring out proper med combinations, but last year when I was in the hospital he got angry and yelled at me when I was telling him that I was frustrated because I hadn't been sleeping well and asked if there was anything I could try. The nurses that overheard him talked to me after and said that it wasn't the first time they had seen him do that (yell at a patient). I did see another pdoc a couple of times while in the hospital when my doc was off duty, and I liked him a lot.

Ever since the incident in the hospital, I have felt uncomfortable telling my pdoc how I'm doing, partly because he had yelled at me about wanting to sleep more than 2 hours a night, and partly because as soon as I sit down at an appointment, he starts filling out refills for what I'm already taking without even asking if they are still working for me. I also brought up the subject of the BPD diagnosis about a year and a half ago (or tried to), and he dismissed it without asking why I didn't think it was a correct diagnosis. I'm sure that he is a good match for other people but he just isn't the right match for me. He isn't the one who diagnosed any of my illnesses, and even when I did meet him (the pdoc I saw before him moved), he only talked to me for about 15 minutes at the first appointment, and never had me do any testing or anything to confirm what my previous pdoc had diagnosed several years earlier.

Sorry I've gone on and rambled; I tend to do that LOL. To sum it up, I've thought about switching to the other pdoc for over a year now and my mental health consumer advocate who knows me and knows both pdocs agrees that that the other pdoc would be a better match for me. I'll be seeing him later this month and my consumer advocate is going with me so I won't be so nervous about telling him I want to switch. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks!

[Lisa Michelle]

grizmom, I'm sure that I've read that just because at one point you fit the criterea for borderline, doesn't mean you always will. So I think it's possible that at the time you were borderline, but perhaps now you've improved on many of your symptoms and you no longer fit the criterea for borderline. Or maybe you never did fully, and were misdiagnosed. I definitely think if it was as far back as the 1990s that it's possible they'd misdiagnose bpd, because honestly was that much really known back then? I don't think THAT much is even known now still, people are still misdiagnosed (either with bpd when they don't have it, or without bpd when they do have it).

I just read your experience with your pdoc -- I think you're right, it doesn't sound like a good match. I don't wish to insult your pdoc (but prob will lol), but it sounds as though he's not been 100% professional. To not discuss things properly with you when you bring them up, to not listen to how you feel or your concerns over your diagnosis or treatment - it sounds like he's really not doing the best for you that he can. I find it wrong that he shouted at you especially - perhaps he lost his temper - but when you're in such a role as pdoc I think you need to ensure you DON'T lose your temper, ever. It seems to have had a negative impact on the relationship, and I don't blame you.

I think your best option, if it's possible, is to see about seeing somebody else,someone you feel comfortable with and someone who will really LISTEN to you and explore your past diagnosis.

[ECHOES]

One positive thing about BPD is that it gets better (less intense and for longer periods, for example) with age. We mature and learn from life experiences, in or out of therapy, that make life feel better and that give us our own examples of what works, what kinds of people we want to surround ourselves with.

[grizmom]

An update...I told my pdoc that I want to switch to another pdoc there that I have met before, so I will be starting with the new pdoc in June

I also found out through my social worker that my now ex-pdoc also has me diagnosed with some other things that don't seem to fit (not only my opinion, but my social worker's opinion and my peer support specialist's opinion). My first meeting with my new pdoc will be for 45 minutes so I will actually get to talk to him about things instead of just being handed my prescriptions and rushed out the door. I'm looking forward to seeing him!

Thanks again everyone!

[Lisa Michelle]

Sounds like positive changes grizmom - congratulations! Well done for asking to see somebody else, that takes a lot of courage. I hope it works well for you with your new pdoc x