[El-ahrairah]

is this a BPD characteristic or is it just me? Or maybe it's someone else??
I have these qualities I have about myself that are the opposite of what I'm told.

I believe I try and do my best but I'm told I'm not, maybe I am in denial of what I am, and I drive everyone away from me...

Anyone else dealing with this??

[fakethislife]

I don't know if it's a BPD characteristic, but I certainly get like this a lot. It feels like you can see how you really are, and other people only see a little bit of you, and if that is the case, how can they possibly know what your like?

I'm afraid I can't offer much more than to say you're not alone.

[Perna]

I don't think trying one's hardest is a set characteristic but varies with the task and circumstances. One can be tired, bored, anxious, uninterested or unmotivated to perform and that's fine, if that's what we want at that time with that task. I think when others tell us we're not trying our hardest it's because they've seen us in a similar situation trying harder and being more successful.

Other people say what they see and feel and are a great source of information about the world around us and how we appear "out there" or to those with whom we're currently interacting. We can't really say whether what they say is true or not, it's what they see and feel, not about us other than it might be their view of us. So, when someone says something about me I look to see how it might help me and use it/don't use that information, depending.

I was quicker finding my therapist last time because someone I trusted told me to "smile". It wasn't the first time an acquaintance had said that to me in a short period of time so I looked inside and realized I really was unhappy/needed some help, sooner rather than later.

I think if I'm trying hard or not trying hard, it shows. If I get a discrepancy between what I think and what others tell me from outside, then I tend to look and see if I can be smarter about my trying or better understand why they are seeing what they say they're seeing. Or, if it's a task I don't want to do or don't find important, I own up to that also.

[Dawnhthewolf]

Originally Posted by The Bakery

is this a BPD characteristic or is it just me? Or maybe it's someone else??
I have these qualities I have about myself that are the opposite of what I'm told.

I believe I try and do my best but I'm told I'm not, maybe I am in denial of what I am, and I drive everyone away from me...

Anyone else dealing with this??

If you have not already read the book "I hate you, don't leave me:Understanding the Borderline personality" It is a good place to start.
Because what you have described is a CLASSIC symptom , we have low self esteems and although we do our best people say we dont or dont try hard enough , which contributes to it. This helps to flare up Anger issues with the BPD and so if we don't blow up we build up a wall to keep people away but in doing so we end up hurting ourselves because once we have pushed them too far away we feel that they are leaving because we are not good enough. I hope that made sense my mind tends to work faster than my fingers when typing stuff out. But yes i would check out " I hate you , Don't leave me" from your local library or buy it at your local bookstore and have a good read, it is very enlightening.

[sugahorse1]

Dawn - I think your description and course of events is something I can really relate to. I've been dx'd bipolar, but I sure do carry a lot of BPD symptoms.

[phoenixangel]

I have a very unstable, insecure and lost image of who I am or who I'm suppose to be. I have been told that this is a major symptom of BPD, not knowing where we stand and then inforcing a wall (that I/we trap ourselves in) is typical, not helpful or healthy but typical. Being aware of this actually helps me double check my reactions to things. Not always in time to prevent the damage but at least helps me be a little quicker to pause next time.

[phoenixangel]

How did you get that disorder rating posted on your post? Is it automatic or did you paste it? It would help me by making me feel like I'm giving a little bit of understanding of myself when posting.

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by phoenixangel

How did you get that disorder rating posted on your post? Is it automatic or did you paste it? It would help me by making me feel like I'm giving a little bit of understanding of myself when posting.

I just copied and pasted the information I got on the site