I was told yesterday that bpd is caused, expressly, by a history of being abused--that is, if the abuse early in life is extreme or long-lasting, or if there is any sexual abuse involved, that's a risk factor for developing bpd later.

But it seems to me that bpd also creates hypersensitivity and maybe even sort of a paranoia in the way of thinking, so that the borderline sees abuse when it might not be there. I'm referring to an "are you calling me FAT?" type of reaction. In the extreme, of course.

How will I know, then, when a person really is making a subtle dig at me, or when I'm only imagining it?

[Perna]

Who told you? No one knows exactly how bpd develops, it isn't understood very well. It probably has a base as broad as depression or any other difficulty. Some people may have been abused but not all.

The therapist doing the evaluation is the one who told me that.

[Emotional Ninja]

Originally Posted by LovebirdsFlying

I was told yesterday that bpd is caused, expressly, by a history of being abused--that is, if the abuse early in life is extreme or long-lasting, or if there is any sexual abuse involved, that's a risk factor for developing bpd later.

But it seems to me that bpd also creates hypersensitivity and maybe even sort of a paranoia in the way of thinking, so that the borderline sees abuse when it might not be there. I'm referring to an "are you calling me FAT?" type of reaction. In the extreme, of course.

How will I know, then, when a person really is making a subtle dig at me, or when I'm only imagining it?

iSorry, don't buy that at all. Check my profile. While I was abused both emotionally and sexually I developed avoidant, dependent, and obsessive compulsive disorders. My daughter was never abused in any way and she was BORN with ASPD. She was however under tremendous stress during utero because I was under both chronic and acute stress. So, I don't believe it is "expressly" caused by abuse. In reply to your question on hypersensitivity, I too have always suffered from that. However, that awareness makes me sort of treat possibly abusive remarks with a shrug and a smile. I guess after 55 years I kinda think to myself. Really? Is that the best you can do. Amateur! But, I DO NOT ENGAGE. If they really are punking you that's exactly what they want. Don't give them the satisfaction. Trust me. Based on over 50 years of personal field work I can tell you. It drives them nuts! HA! Best wishes, stay strong.

[nicoleb2]

I have never been abused in any way, but I am diagnosed as bordeline...

[ECHOES]

The sticky at the top of the forum includes this link to one of many sites about BPD:
http://www.borderlinedisorders.com/public.php

There are many books about BPD too. One good one is Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Rieland.

Abuse is an obvious possibility. There are others ideas about the causes too. Disruption of normal childhood develpment can come in many forms. It can come from abuse, neglect, abandonment. Abuse can be physical or emotional. Neglect can be physical or emtional and not intentional, but from not knowing. Abandonment can be physical or emotional too. Trouble comes in many forms; it can be hovering, worrying parents who care very much but don't know how to help a child learn to feel safe, secure, confident, curious, independent; it can be a sick child who must be hospitalized and separate from parents and too young to understand; or a sick parent separated form the child. It is also the dynamics of the family: how shame is handled, how success, failure, disappointment, sadness, etc are dealt with in the family.

There is a lot out there to read about it. But the best place to learn about you is of course with your therapist. It sounds like you are thinking about your own family dynamics and your own hurts, and that's what is most important.

[rainbow8]

ECHOES, thank you for that link.

[ECHOES]

@ rainbow:

[Jewels]

Good link ECHOES. Another good book I have found useful is Sometimes I Act Crazy. It's written by the same guys that wrote I Hate You-Don't Leave Me, but if you want my opinion, I think their second book should have been written first. Then there wouldn't have been the need to write a second book! LOL

Originally Posted by LovebirdsFlying

How will I know, then, when a person really is making a subtle dig at me, or when I'm only imagining it?

This is more the heart of what I'm asking, although the rest matters too. How do I know when abuse is real on their part, or imagined on my part?

Just now, on another site on another topic, a man posted something he knew would be offensive to me, since I had already said it would be. I asked him if his motive actually was to upset me. He answered, "Absolutely." Further details in an upcoming thread.

Originally Posted by Perna

Who told you? No one knows exactly how bpd develops, it isn't understood very well. It probably has a base as broad as depression or any other difficulty. Some people may have been abused but not all.

The therapist who diagnosed it told me that abuse is in general the cause. He was not my own therapist but in emergency psych. I'm not sure I like him, or trust what he says, although I do accept the confirmation of bpd, since it makes sense. Also important, while my own therapist does seem to agree with the diagnosis as well, he had never called it by name in any of our sessions. I think it's just that he and I both feel that the label is less important than what to do with it.

Originally Posted by Jewels

Good link ECHOES. Another good book I have found useful is Sometimes I Act Crazy. It's written by the same guys that wrote I Hate You-Don't Leave Me, but if you want my opinion, I think their second book should have been written first. Then there wouldn't have been the need to write a second book! LOL

I think I can get on board with a title like "Sometimes I Act Crazy" rather than with "I Hate You-Don't Leave Me." I relate more. Crazy I act, but fickle I'm not. (Sorry, channeling Yoda I am. )

[Jewels]

sounds like he needs to take a chill pill...

yeah, I think the label is less important than what you do within the scope of therapy...

LOL...I looked at the title and said that's me too...but that was before I was diagnosed with DID...but still in areas there are parts of me that says yeah, that is me...so I know that there are parts of me that identify more closely with BPD first and DID second...

I hope you like the book...it is really good...the first book was ok, but this book is where the rubber meets the road so to speak...

Jewels

[bpd2]

A therapist who doesn't know you diagnosing you? wtf?! I hope you know better than to believe that.

The jerk on the other thread is, well, jerking your string, so, as Perna said elsewhere, burn the string.

In all else, stick with us, baby!

He pulled out the DSM-IV and started reading off the symptoms like a checklist. He'd asked me to say "yes" if I claimed it, "no" if I didn't, but then when I said "no" he argued with me about it, and that's what I don't like about him. Just because I've been divorced four times doesn't mean the relationships were "intense" or "alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation." Furthermore, that criterion is referring to ALL personal relationships, not merely marriage. I've known me for 46 years. He's only just meeting me. He may very well have the diagnosis correct, but I don't like the way he presented it.

Interesting, he hadn't told me which disorder the symptoms came from that he was reading off. But when he started arguing with my "no," I said, "I know where this is going. It doesn't matter what I say. You've already made up your mind I have borderline personality disorder." Of course he denied having already made up his mind, but then he told me, "You're saying no to the one thing I *know* is true about you, and you're arguing with me about it."

I'm arguing with HIM? He asked me to say "yes" if I agreed and "no" if I didn't, and I answered honestly. He was the one arguing with ME. In the end it didn't matter. He said it takes five "yes" votes for a confirmation, and I had six. Without the "extreme relationships" one.

[rainbow8]

I don't have any history of abuse yet I was diagnosed with BPD. I have a stable marriage and other stable relationships too. Never cut, never been promiscuous either. I still met the criteria (not sure if I still do) as diagnosed by 4 different Ts.

Marilyn Monroe, as I mentioned, famously had the disorder. I never saw any evidence that she was a cutter.

Probably a good idea for people in general, and me in particular, to remember that ALL of the criteria of any disorder need not be present. Not all schizophrenics hallucinate. Not all borderlines cut. Etc.

[Irine]

Me too - abuse and borderline. Maybe not in ALL cases - but i guess that if they are together in the same person they DO have something to do with each other.... kind of simple isn`t it?

[sugahorse1]

I haven't been abused, yet my T thinks I'm BPD. And I have been dx'd Bipolar, so it's a real jumble.

But I don't think it's really fair to say that abuse can bring on BPD or any similar comment