[littlematchstick]

I hate to admit this, cause it causes people not to trust me in the future. But I've noticed that when I'm under extreme stress that I tend to lie or exaggerate things because I feel people don't understand my situation. Like they won't understand how terrible I'm feeling or how out of control I feel unless I make a HUGE deal out of it. Or maybe its that...once I'm calm I realize the problem wasn't as big as i thought it was when I was experiencing the problem. I'm not sure which it is. Cause I always feel horrible after I calm down for making such a big deal of things, but I can't decide if I'm lying when I'm in the moment, or it really IS a big deal to me, but its something that will pass. My mom doesn't trust me at all, and I'm afraid my therapist won't trust me either. I don't feel that I intentionally exaggerate, but there are times where I look back and I'm like..wow, why did I say that--it really wasn't that bad....ya know? How do I approach this subject with people (and my T) and explain to them that I don't want to lie or exaggerate, but at times I feel like its REALLY bad when it isn't. I don't want them to distrust me, but I want them to understand how overwhelming things are a times, even if when its over--it really wasn't that bad.

Sorry if that makes NO sense, I don't know how to explain it. But I'm just so afraid people won't trust me. Sometimes I don't even know if I trust my own emotions or feelings. I feel like my brain lies to me. Anyone else been through this, or felt this way--how do you deal with it?

[tryingtobeme]

(((((((((littlematchstick))))))))))

When I was new to BPD and trying to get better ( I am still am, but understand so much more than what I did several years ago) I kind of did the same thing. Now that I have been getting my BPD undercontrol, I know I don't have to be dramatic. You know, show people how I am really overwhelmed by hurting myself or saying I'm going to. I think us BPD'ers do that quite often. Especially if you have abandonment issues. You are afraid everyone is going to leave you or not understand you.

First thing you need to do, is talk to your T. I know you haven't been with your T long and don't know if you trust T, but this would be a good test to see how T reacts. A good T will understand where this is coming from. They will know that this is common in BPD people. We need that security that we won't be alone. We want people to know how we are overwhelemed and just want someone to care or listen. I get that. Let T know. Take the post you made, print it out and read it to T. Let T read it themselves. This is very nerve racking the first time you do it, but I can assure you, if you have a good T, they will be more than happy to help you with this and help you to become more trusting.

When I took my psych test, my psychologist said I had exaggerated my answers a bit, and I hadn't even known that I'd done it. So she explained to me that I had done it because I felt so distressed and so needing someone to understand, that I had felt the only way to get that across to others was to exaggerate my answers a bit. It makes complete sense to me, because I often have issues communicating my distress levels to others.

Does that sort of sound like your situation sometimes?

As for how I deal with it, I try to logically look at the situation and really evaluate how distressing it is. Sometimes it's hard though, as my emotions sometimes get the best of me. It's a day by day process.

Please try to remember that this is your illness that is doing this, not you. You are not a liar, you are a good person. It's just that people with BPD often feel that things are really horrible when they aren't so bad, and so we might communicate that to others.

[Perna]

It makes perfect sense to me! I'd take your post to your next session and have your therapist read it and discuss it with you? She can help you start "catching" yourself and start scaling back on how big a deal you make of things, help you find tools to better hang on and keep "explaining", honestly, when things are bad until people understand what it is you want/need by way of help.

[shezbut]

littlematchstick,

I understand what you're talking about. About 3 weeks ago, I finally recognized that I have a tendency to blow things a bit out of proportion. Not out of, "Look at me!" but more of a panic. I have had this tendency for many years, as I look back now.

That tendency of mine did hurt close relationships ~ kinda like the little chicken running around saying that the sky was falling. People can only take so much of that. When things truly did get physically and emotionally damaging for me, people that I truly loved had heard enough & they weren't emotionally involved in making me feel better.

[El-ahrairah]

I do this all the time.
I'm a piece of ****

[ECHOES]

Therapy will help those intense emotions calm down and that will take care of the exaggerating. For now, just notice it. There is no need to tell others because there is nothing for them to do.

As you notice it more and more, and as therapy helps you feel better and better, this behavior will slip away. It will slip away because there won't be a need for it anymore.
It comes from feeling not heard and not understood. It was a natural thing to learn to do, to get the comfort and reassurance and relief needed. It is really, to me, impossible to explain the intensity of the feelings and fears to anyone other than T; others just don't, can't, understand. Well, others with BPD do understand.

Noticing this is a great gift. Change begins with awareness

[Oceanwave]

I think you'd have to make a distinction between things that happened to you and the way you feel about them. It is perfectly possible that things that happened were not really "big" things and yet the way you experienced them (i.e. your feelings are thoughts) were very intense. Instead of thinking about this in terms of lying, you might want to look at why your feelings or thoughts are so overwhelming about a prticular issue.

[littlematchstick]

these are all very good insights and ideas! Thank you all sooo much, I feel better about talking to my T about this next week. Still a bit nervous though. Its nice to look at this from different perspectives.