Terrified

Aug 05, 2010 at 07:35 PM

I've been feeling anxious these past few days...worried about relapsing and going back to hospital. I just talked to a friend of mine I met in the hospital, who's back in soon after leaving. That's the 4th person I've met who left the hospital and came back so soon. It makes me terrified that I could be next...and I haven't even been home for 2 weeks!

I've been so anxious that I've been hallucinating more than usual, and I've been taking my prn of seroquel on a regular basis, where before I hardly had to take it.

I don't meet with my doctor until September 15th...and I don't know if I want to talk to someone at group therapy next week about how I'm feeling. I'm just so worried about feeling like a failure, letting down the hospital staff, my family and friends.

Perna · Aug 05, 2010 at 09:42 PM

Oh, Melissa, so sorry you're feeling worried. Do you have some things you like to do to cope? I read books when things are overwhelming :-) Getting lost in a "helpful" or comforting book for hours can sometimes give me enough time and other points of view to get out of a tight place. Is there some little thing you want and could get yourself? I once spent most of a day getting myself an ice cream cone; checked a couple places but no one in my neighborhood had/sold them so I ended up going to the store and buying all the parts and making one for myself! By the time I did that whatever started the crises (I think it was loneliness) had ebbed and flowed away for the moment. See if you can think of some one little thing you might enjoy that isn't too hard to get and go after it. If nothing else some time will pass and maybe that will help.

Aug 05, 2010 at 09:45 PM

~If you need to go back...what people think is not important.What is of the utmost importance is your safety and well being.If they feel 'let down'...it would be unprofessional on their part.Also I was wondering if the fact that you are worrying that you may relapse could be in some way altered with some distractions...positive music,funny movie,warm bath..(self soothing).~As worry creates stress ...stress preceeds relapse.~I really believe you can come through hun .Is this possible for you to try?~~WOolf~~...................P.S...there was no thank you button....but a thank you for Perna as always

littlematchstick · Aug 06, 2010 at 11:19 AM

Hey Melissa, I haven't been in the hospital before. But I do think that this is a reasonable concern on your part. I think its just because you're afraid of failure, which I think is a huge part of BPD because it is so difficult to manage at times. I agree that if you can find something to do to occupy your time it will help you get passed those feelings when they are overwhelming in a specific instance. Once the more extreme feelings can pass it gives you a more clear head to work on them when youre more calm. Some things I've found to help me are watching a funny movie (or stand up comedy), read a book that I know and love to distract me (you dont have to think too hard cause you know whats going to happen..but you can still get lost in the story). Listening to music and just getting *lost* in it, concentrate on the lyrics and the music. Also sometimes just venting to someone can help too. Also, my PM box is open and I'm online most of the day if you wanna talk

. Big hugs, stay safe, and try not too worry too much (hard I know!).

shezbut · Aug 06, 2010 at 12:21 PM

melissa.recovering,

(((hugs))) I can understand where you're coming from.

That's one of the dangers of keeping up with people we met in the hospital.

We all go in for help, but not all of us are ready at the same times in our lives. We do continue to go through the hills and valleys of life... but you do have a better understanding of yourself now. You have learned coping methods to make it through distress. I can't recall the synonym ~ but focus on your immediate senses. Smell, Taste, Sounds, Sights, and Touch.

Examples: Coffee or tea; chocolate or mint; listening to birds chirping and leaves whistling in the wind; watching the tall grass sway with the breeze or puffy clouds passing in the sky; holding on a teddy bear or some comforting and peaceful fabric. Something that brings you peace, security. Refocus your mind during the intense moments. Remind yourself how far you have come since you were hospitalized. You are actively working on developing new ways of coping with stress in life. You can make it.

Thinking very good thoughts for you melissa ~ You can do it!

Aug 06, 2010 at 03:55 PM

Thank you so much for your replies...I'm so thankful for the kind people here at PC.

I am feeling better today than yesterday, those thoughts are still there but pushed more onto the back burner.

Today is Day #14 of being home. Some days are better than others. You are so right littlematchstick, when we feel bad it can feel so extreme but it only lasts for a certain amount of time, then goes away. So I'll try to do what you guys suggest - when I am getting overwhelmed I'll try to do something that I enjoy that'll distract me until I feel better.

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