[PizzaFish]

Sorry for the double posting, but this topic was totally unrelated to my last post so I think warrants a new thread.

Has anyone else ever been told that their BPD, or any other PD, if you have another, is just (female) hormones? As in, you're just hysterical (pun intended) because you're still pre-menopausal, and as soon as you have a baby, go through menopause, get your female bits removed, or get a boyfriend (lol), you'll be right as rain? How did you deal with it? Or, did you think it was true?

==(Yes, I am asking because I have indeed been told this many times by my own mother. It infuriates me because it totally invalidates my feelings and my thoughts and denies my disease, not to mention that it means that I'd have to wait until I go through menopause or have a baby to get better. Just hearing how ridiculous that sounds actually makes therapy sound like a walk through Candyland! And, for the record, I am single and have a terribly unattractive personality, so the second really isn't an option for me either. I wish I could tell my mom to shove that opinion up where the sun don't shine, but then she's kind of my last support left...)==

[ECHOES]

No, never.

Mothers are mothers, and not our therapists.
It sounds like your mother thinks there are magical solutions. What she suggests sounds pretty absurd, doesn't it.

You are heading in the right direction, seeking a therapist to talk to who will listen without judgement, who will earn your trust, who will hear your pain that is real and will help you to feel better.

[AngelAsmodeus]

I've heard similar from my mom. With her, everything is hormones, especially since I have hormone issues (but they really don't mess with me mentally, just physically). I don't believe my mom when she says anything though lol She's not very knowledgeable when it comes to mental health, so I can't count on her for anything like that. It sounds better to not trust what your mother said about hormones and seek therapy.

[tryingtobeme]

I would certainly leave these kinds of decisions up to the therapist not your mothers. My mother thinks I am perfectly health, emotional stable, mental balance person even though they abuse me time and time again. I still let them emotionally. I am getting a handle on it though. But, my point is, moms see what they want to see out of their children. As kids become teenagers, it seems moms reality or something gets so distored. Also look at the age/era your mothers are from. Remember back then, this stuff didn't exist, or you didn't talk about it. trust your therapist, not your parents.

[PizzaFish]

Thanks, everyone. I was just more pissed off than anything because that seems to be the end-all, be-all of my problems to my mom, and it sucks that she can't be emotionally supportive about it. I can understand why she wouldn't want me to be "crazy" and why she would even delude herself to think that it's only hormones, but it still drives me bonkers when she thinks she's right because "her problems all cleared up after menopause" or some nonsense. When I bring up the supportive line with her, she gets furious and says that she takes me to therapy and pays all of the bills, so how is she not supportive, etc. She doesn't see the irony...

[peaches100]

Pizzafish,

My mom said the exact same thing to me, and i was as ticked off as you are (although i didn't show it). It was so obvious that i was clinically depressed -- had lost 26 pounds in a matter of 2-3 months, people at work were beginning to think i had cancer -- and had been hospitalized for sui feelings also. It was so absurd for mom to say "I think it's just hormones, and one day, you will wake up and it will all be gone."

My mom is an ultra-positive person who refuses to see the bad/painful/sad in anything. So she has always ignored, denied, or invalidated my problems since i was a child. It really, really hurts! I've felt guilty for feeling any anger toward her, though, because she's such an upbeat, happy person. Makes it hard to get mad at her. But it's just so very invalidating and hurts.

I've learned that even though mom has some really good qualities, i can't count on her for support with anything negative i deal with in life.

I also think my parents invalidate my depression because they don't want to admit (even internally) that they (or the way they parented me) had anything to do with my problems. My mom has pretty much said so. The whole family completely ignores my problems/pain and acts like nothing has happened or is happening.

So sorry you're going through this too. I know how bad it hurts.

[Perna]

Yes, but consider the source; your mom, who has done all those things but isn't better? It didn't help her? LOL

[Bipolarmother]

that is what that generation was brought up thinking. Just like they were told by Dr's "it was all in your head" for PMS.

I believe there is a correlation of hormone issues with mood etc., hence then a mental illness diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with bipolar at 44(4 yrs ago) and if anything I had a very mild functioning form of it till then. I asked the inpatient nurses about it and they believe they see many women in their 40"s (pre menopausal) coming in for first time depression. Then my Gynocologist says even women in there 30's have problems with depression.

Just as thyroid plays a role in depression I believe our hormones do to and for some of us the pre and menopausal time just wrecks havoc with some of us.

So, maybe estrogen meds instead of psych meds will do the trick with alot less side effects....

Cant blame Moms for ignorance but it is up to us to help ourselves and yes not having the support really sucks... I know from experience too....