[BrokenNBeautiful]

Well, I finally went to the new psychiatrist yesterday and got my meds. She was very nice. I played the system and did not mention any "bpd" symptoms, such as self-harm. I need treatment so very badly that I can't afford to tell right now.

Later on, though, when she and trust each other a little, I will maybe mention bpd, without letting on. I will ask her, "What is your take on bpd? Are you uncomfortable with it, or do you treat bpd's?"

That experience I had back in July was such a nightmare.

No meds for two months.

I could have canceled yeterday's appt., but I didn't. Part of me is hopeful that not all professionals will hate me.

Now I have meds and I slept good last night.

Billi

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I would have liked a reply saying, "Good for you, Billi".

I *am* trying.

B.

[shezbut]

Wow billi,

I was just about to respond to the initial post when I saw your response. I am sorry that no one has responded until now. We all have different reasons and excuses for not saying anything until now. I suppose the reasoning does not matter to you.

I am sorry that you are hurt.

I am sorry that you feel as though no one cares.

Hopefully, seeing a new T will be helpful to you.

I think it's sad that you are afraid that all medical professionals don't like you. Not an unusual perception for us to have ~ but that's an over-generalization. In case you haven't heard this already. Some doc's are good, some great, some need to take classes in sympathy and compassion.

Maybe your last T was in the last group I mentioned. But, ALL docs aren't jerks to you. They may become frustrated with you ~ but that doesn't mean that they don't like you. (Btw, I have a tough time accepting this facet of my personality.) I do avoid going to doctors that I feel are mad at me, but I eventually make myself go anyway. My point is, I DO understand the misperception of not being liked, being judged poorly, and such. But I also fight it ~ by not giving up on "Dr. Joe" completely. Because when I do give up completely, then I am running in a rat race ~ blindly. That only complicates my already complicated case even further. I force myself to hold still in those tough times (rather than give in to "run" impulse).

Hope that my post helps you in some way billi.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thank you.

I am glad someone posted.

I agree about not all docs being this way.

In fact, the only reason I went to that new pdoc was that. I knew that I didn't know that pdoc yet and he/she might be okay. So I went, instead of completely cancelling the appt's.

Also, I want to work on dealing with ppl who may act like they don't like me. Getting along with different kinds of people is a DBT skill, I think, under "Relationship effectiveness" or "Interpersonal Skills". I am finding that much of my discomfort is from dealing with flashbacks from dealing with abusers adn ppl who did not understand and were mean to me. Sitting still with this...

I also realize that my post title may be misleading. "played the system and got meds". Maybe that sounded like I was manipulating the doc to get drugs. I was not! Hopefully the people that did look beyond this title and read on did not think that of me.

I do not do that.

I am not a drug addict nor do I abuse sleeping pills.

But my title could have lead you to believe I did.

ty to those who have read on and replied.

Billi

[shezbut]

(((billi)))

Hope that things are feeling a little better for you today.

Best wishes to you!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

ty

I will post a new thread.

B.